The REAL Reason CONS have left or rarely post

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by Ron

Change? In what way?

Is that including the whole Constituency of the UPCI?

Bro Ron,

It is a paradigm, a mind-think. There are things I just can't tolerate and understand. What happened the first time which made me leave and find refuge elsewhere...happened again. The difference was that I stayed and road it out. I was not any better for having stayed...it has given me a very paranoid and 'jumpy' disposition. My colleagues ask me why I have signs and symptoms of PTSD [posttraumatic stress disorder].

It is difficult to explain to them about how one feels when they are faced with death, whether physical or spiritual, I just remember the extreme abandonment and rejection I have felt several times in my life. I have a startle reflex and some insistent & persistent intrusive thoughts that keep me bewildered and confused.

The only place I find rest, peace, and contentment is in my prayer closet alone with God. I don't even trust public prayers anymore. I always wonder who is listening and what will they think, and what will they say to hurt me with it.

I love so many in the UPCI and I went back expecting things to be changed, but they still play hardball. My way or the highway mentality, and I just can't do that to myself again. I have too much respect for myself.

Many may not understand what I just said but that's all right..God and I know.

Sincerely, Rhoni

[Ron]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

Bro Ron,

It is a paradigm, a mind-think. There are things I just can't tolerate and understand. What happened the first time which made me leave and find refuge elsewhere...happened again. The difference was that I stayed and road it out. I was not any better for having stayed...it has given me a very paranoid and 'jumpy' disposition. My colleagues ask me why I have signs and symptoms of PTSD [posttraumatic stress disorder].

It is difficult to explain to them about how one feels when they are faced with death, whether physical or spiritual, I just remember the extreme abandonment and rejection I have felt several times in my life. I have a startle reflex and some insistent & persistent intrusive thoughts that keep me bewildered and confused.

The only place I find rest, peace, and contentment is in my prayer closet alone with God. I don't even trust public prayers anymore. I always wonder who is listening and what will they think, and what will they say to hurt me with it.

I love so many in the UPCI and I went back expecting things to be changed, but they still play hardball. My way or the highway mentality, and I just can't do that to myself again. I have too much respect for myself.

Many may not understand what I just said but that's all right..God and I know.

Sincerely, Rhoni

Thanks for answering Rhoni.

I guess I have been spoiled with wonderful Pastors.