One of the Biggest Mistakes

[Hoovie]

Originally Posted by ILG

I think one of the biggest mistakes that the UPC makes is the emphasis on church, church, church rather than family. People are expected to come bare minimum of 3 services a week, just so they are not "forsaking the assembling" and then there are the bible studies, door knocking, bake sales, singing, etc. etc. etc. on top of it all. I have heard it said that some pastors emphasize a family night one night a week (mine did not). So, are the other 6 to be used for church?? There is little teaching on marriage, family, balance etc. Alsmot all the teaching, in my experience, is on Acts 2:38, going to church, winning the lost, giving and giving and giving to the church.

I don't think it has ever been God's will for people to spend so much time at church and doing church things. We need to focus on our families, our kids, our marriages, our work etc. This is the work of God. That should not be forgotten.

I started reading with the intent to defend the UPC against an attack from an ex-er...

However I feel very much the same way, so there is little to say aside from "AMEN!".

I would of course say "in general" since there are many who do not fit (if it doesn't fit you must acquit)

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Stephen Hoover

I started reading with the intent to defend the UPC against an attack from an ex-er...

However I feel very much the same way, so there is little to say aside from "AMEN!".

I would of course say "in general" since there are many who do not fit (if it doesn't fit you must acquit)

Thanks, Steve. Felling this way is what made me begin to study the Amish/Mennonites as there is much more emphasis on family.

I am very amazed at the way this thread has gone. My basic intent is to help people learn from my mistakes and yes, to heal from my own. Seems valid to me to suggest that families are a good thing and too much church can be bad.

[Hoovie]

Originally Posted by ILG

Thanks, Steve. Felling this way is what made me begin to study the Amish/Mennonites as there is much more emphasis on family.

I am very amazed at the way this thread has gone. My basic intent is to help people learn from my mistakes and yes, to heal from my own. Seems valid to me to suggest that families are a good thing and too much church can be bad.

All true sis, but...

The "pain" that you were exposed to ultimately led you to leave the conservative Pentecostal church (at least in part). If you would be saying this prior to your departure, this thread could/would be better received. I understand why many may not receive you - be that to their detriment or not.

We all have an obligation to follow the truth and do what is right in spite of the church pastors/teachers.It's disturbing to me that grown adults can knowingly sit under abusive conditions or dictatorships and not speak up or act up with righteous indignation. But this is not uniquely a Pentecostal/UPC problem.

I think it is fair to say this...
Those who have had radical conversions - and churches that are comprised of such, have a greater need for intense immersion into the church and it's diverse ministries. They also will have a greater need of intimate Pastoral leadership on a frequent basis. This would explain why many growing evangelical churches have and need constant activities and programs. I think the key is to not require 100% attendance and allow the membership some flexibility according to their (and their family's) needs.

[ILG]

All true sis, but...

The "pain" that you were exposed to ultimately led you to leave the conservative Pentecostal church (at least in part). If you would be saying this prior to your departure, this thread could/would be better received. I understand why many may not receive you - be that to their detriment or not.

I am not giving anyone a hard time for staying. I am just trying to help people not make some of the same mistakes I made.

We all have an obligation to follow the truth and do what is right in spite of the church pastors/teachers.It's disturbing to me that grown adults can knowingly sit under abusive conditions or dictatorships and not speak up or act up with righteous indignation. But this is not uniquely a Pentecostal/UPC problem.

If you grow up in a place where emotional abuse is the norm, you know something is wrong but have no clue what to do about it and you certainly don't expect it to be something you find in a church. I didn't even know abuse in churches existed. It seemed like an oxymoron to me. So, I finally figured it out.

I think it is fair to say this...
Those who have had radical conversions - and churches that are comprised of such, have a greater need for intense immersion into the church and it's diverse ministries. They also will have a greater need of intimate Pastoral leadership on a frequent basis. This would explain why many growing evangelical churches have and need constant activities and programs. I think the key is to not require 100% attendance and allow the membership some flexibility according to their (and their family's) needs.

I would agree with that. I came into a very small UPC church. The pastor was very emotionally distant the whole time we were there and beyond. He has never contacted us since we left (and at this point I would like to keep it that way....it's too little too late). But I have heard many similar stories. I don't feel my experience was the exception. For some, yes. For others, no. The pastor taught separation from the world....not to really socialize outside the church, and then he taught the church was not a social club too. He didn't seem to really like people having bible studies with other saints in their homes and things like that. I was almost a thousand miles from where I grew up and had virtually no socialization. Pretty tough for a 19 year old. I went to ALL the church events and sectional functions. But, that was also tough. The church kids had their friends and I was very different.

Anyway. This wasn't supposed to be about me. Part of me thinks I should just erase what I wrote because someone will probably tell me why everything is my fault. Regardless, I do hope to help someone be spared the pain I lived through. I loved the UPC. It was my life. Leaving was like a divorce, with the exception that I never made a vow to stay in the first place. It was a dream I had, a fantasy, something I poured everything I had into because I believed in it once.