Joke and funny stuff Thread

[Scott Hutchinson]

A child in a Trinity sunday school class told the teacher,I know which member of the trinity is the biggest what the teacher exclaimed ? The child said sure it's The Holy Ghost because He fell on 120 people.

[DividedThigh]

Originally Posted by Scott Hutchinson

A child in a Trinity sunday school class told the teacher,I know which member of the trinity is the biggest what the teacher exclaimed ? The child said sure it's The Holy Ghost because He fell on 120 people.

not bad scott, lol

[Tina]

An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday- School ' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian Fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally... I assumed you had stolen the car."

[U376977]

How about a this really happened...no joke.

At my church the pastor asked the "mother" to come and greet the people. She made her way up to the front being gently led by here hand. She began to exhort about the goodness of God. How he "woke me up this morning with my mind stayed on Jesus." And going on, "childeren we have got to give praise to Jesus Christ because he is sooooo good." And on an on... finally she said, "If you ever see mother, and I don't have strength in my body to praise him, if all I can do is lift this one finger, remember I am praising God."
Then she proudly lifts the middle finger of her right hand and waves it around and innocently flips-off the entire church! LOL.

[Esther]

Sears Catalog

Two rednecks were looking at a
Sears catalog and admiring the models.

One says to the other,
'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?'

The second one replies,
'Yes, they are very beautiful.
And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes,
'Wow, they aren't very expensive.
At this price, I'm buying one.'

The second one smiles and pats him on the back.
'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful
as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.'

Three weeks later,
the youngest redneck asks his friend,
'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered
from the Sears catalog?'

The second redneck replies.........



SCROLL DOWN . YOU'LL LOVE IT!



'No, but it shouldn't be long now.

I got her clothes yesterday!'

[Esther]

Ramblings of a Retired Mind

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.
I can't afford one.
So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust.'

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'
Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency.'
I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor!'

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do... Write to these men?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?
Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals or looking for a loophole.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

' Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life.'
Because: 'Life is a journey to be savored'