UPCI pastor resigns amid teen sex charges

[scotty]

Originally Posted by ILG

I am not sure what side you are arguing.

Both sides. I have said the pastor is guilty. And its easy to throw the book at him and point fingers and say lock the pervert up and problem solved. But even then the problem is not solved. Nobody wants to confront the other side of the problem. No body wants to bring themselves to admit that we have a problem today with our teenagers not being as angelic as we like to think. Until this side of the problem comes to your living room you can hide your head in the sand. I can't.

Maybe today or tommorow I will tell my story. Not sure I have time today, not sure if most will understand or stick their nose in the air like some in my church and say "well thats just your daughter, mine would never do that". Yet I have proof on my daughters computer that their daughters were no different. But I didnt tell them, dont feel thats my place.

Either way, until or unless you live through it, see it face to face, I understand why I appear sick to you. Believe me, I wish I no experience to comment in a thread such as this.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by scotty

Both sides. I have said the pastor is guilty. And its easy to throw the book at him and point fingers and say lock the pervert up and problem solved. But even then the problem is not solved. Nobody wants to confront the other side of the problem. No body wants to bring themselves to admit that we have a problem today with our teenagers not being as angelic as we like to think. Until this side of the problem comes to your living room you can hide your head in the sand. I can't.

Maybe today or tommorow I will tell my story. Not sure I have time today, not sure if most will understand or stick their nose in the air like some in my church and say "well thats just your daughter, mine would never do that". Yet I have proof on my daughters computer that their daughters were no different. But I didnt tell them, dont feel thats my place.

Either way, until or unless you live through it, see it face to face, I understand why I appear sick to you. Believe me, I wish I no experience to comment in a thread such as this.

I know there is a problem with teens today. To me, that is really not part of the equation in this particular situation.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by ILG

I know there is a problem with teens today. To me, that is really not part of the equation in this particular situation.

I think it is a part of it. There are other girls in his church, it's stated it had never happened before. So, he knew from something counseling her and that's why he zeroed in on her. Not blaming HER at ALL.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

I think it is a part of it. There are other girls in his church, it's stated it had never happened before. So, he knew from something counseling her and that's why he zeroed in on her. Not blaming HER at ALL.

Coming from the aspect of that girls need help with self-esteem, I agree with you. What I am speaking against is the idea of blaming the girl as if she wanted it and was asking for it. A girl can be confused about what she wants, especially a young girl who has low self-esteem. The pastor has no such excuse.

[scotty]

Originally Posted by ILG

I know there is a problem with teens today. To me, that is really not part of the equation in this particular situation.

Why not ? What was she thinking ? Sneaking out of her home to have sex with a grown man, pastor or not thats really irrelevant to me. Why did she feel she had to go through with it ? The problem is very much a part of this equation. This was not rape, it was consentual sex. She consented to have sex with him. Let me reword that , "SHE WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM" . Yes, its very much a part of this equation.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by scotty

Why not ? What was she thinking ? Sneaking out of her home to have sex with a grown man, pastor or not thats really irrelevant to me. Why did she feel she had to go through with it ? The problem is very much a part of this equation. This was not rape, it was consentual sex. She consented to have sex with him. Let me reword that , "SHE WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM" . Yes, its very much a part of this equation.

Scotty, I hope some time you can share your story. Because I understand what you are saying. I cannot imagine the heartbreak you have had to deal with your own girls.

Without getting too personal and if you want to answer me via PM that's okay too, but I have a question. Since your daughters DO have you (a father) in their lives, do you feel it's a self-esteem issue with them?

[scotty]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Scotty, I hope some time you can share your story. Because I understand what you are saying. I cannot imagine the heartbreak you have had to deal with your own girls.

Without getting too personal and if you want to answer me via PM that's okay too, but I have a question. Since your daughters DO have you (a father) in their lives, do you feel it's a self-esteem issue with them?

I don't know Renda. That is a question I have been struggling with. They are beautiful girls who get plenty of attention from boys, honestly they could pick from a list if they wanted to. While I do believe that is the issue with some I believe more so its just the world today. As you said perfectly in your post, they equate love with sex. Its ok nowdays, its just sex. And its everywhere, the music, tv, movies, internet and school. They believe they have all the knowledge, freedoms and rights an adult has. They dont believe they should be treated any differently.

But the affection is something they crave. My 13yr old is the "daddys girl". She is very affectionate and loving and always has been. Then boys came along. When she has a boyfriend I rarely see her and have to stop her to get a hug. When she doesnt have a boyfriend she is at the door when I get home and will not pass by me without stealing a hug or just come downstairs and sit in my lap and talk. She knows I am here for her, but when she has a boyfriend then I'm not needed in the equation. So really , I dont know..... I just dont know.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by scotty

I don't know Renda. That is a question I have been struggling with. They are beautiful girls who get plenty of attention from boys, honestly they could pick from a list if they wanted to. While I do believe that is the issue with some I believe more so its just the world today. As you said perfectly in your post, they equate love with sex. Its ok nowdays, its just sex. And its everywhere, the music, tv, movies, internet and school. They believe they have all the knowledge, freedoms and rights an adult has. They dont believe they should be treated any differently.

But the affection is something they crave. My 13yr old is the "daddys girl". She is very affectionate and loving and always has been. Then boys came along. When she has a boyfriend I rarely see her and have to stop her to get a hug. When she doesnt have a boyfriend she is at the door when I get home and will not pass by me without stealing a hug or just come downstairs and sit in my lap and talk. She knows I am here for her, but when she has a boyfriend then I'm not needed in the equation. So really , I dont know..... I just dont know.

Sorry you are having to go through this and I think people are misunderstanding you in this thread, but you know from experience that this could just as easily be one of your daughters we are talking about here.

I'm sure you'd sucker punch the dude that took advantage of your daughter, but you are seeing another side that some aren't.

Hang in there and love those girls and do all you can to help them. I'm so glad that my children are married. However, now I have a granddaughter to worry about. The influence that surrounds them is disgusting.

[scotty]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Sorry you are having to go through this and I think people are misunderstanding you in this thread, but you know from experience that this could just as easily be one of your daughters we are talking about here.

I'm sure you'd sucker punch the dude that took advantage of your daughter, but you are seeing another side that some aren't.

Hang in there and love those girls and do all you can to help them. I'm so glad that my children are married. However, now I have a granddaughter to worry about. The influence that surrounds them is disgusting.

Oh believe me, there would have been no "sucker" to the punch, lol. I would have had no problem letting him know it was coming.

It is hard for some to understand. It was hard for me to understand, I went through several months of denial and pointing fingers in just one direction. The thing is, this is a very serious yet "swept under the carpet" problem, and I see it getting worse everyday.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by scotty

They believe they have all the knowledge, freedoms and rights an adult has. They don't believe they should be treated any differently.

There it is!

An adult needs to take measures to protect a young person who doesn't have the experience to gauge what they are actually getting themselves involved in, but the above statement is also a HUGE problemo these days!

In many cases young people think that they are on the same level as any adult and are very insulted for anyone to tell them that they are not.