Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. LPW
You don't know me, so you don't know the spirit in which I post.
I know there are abusive relationships.. my mother in law was beaten with a belt by her husband in places where bruises would not show to the public... my husband was punched in the face at a young age by his father... they obviously divorced. I am very aware of abuses... and there are definitely circumstances that require the marriage to disolve. I've never insinuated there weren't...
But the fact is... I have two close people to me... one a relative, who've ended their marriages because they didn't work through it... Apostolics...
One party in each marriage wanted to work through it... and the other party just wanted it over... the ideals of the modern era have crept in to Christianity.
My point is that divorce is rising in the Apostolic ranks, and it scares some church folks and thus they are hard and harsh on those who go through this...
Then there are the Apostolics who are just plain idiots and it's just fodder for them to talk and judge.
You have to have love and compassion and longsuffering when dealing with these issues, as well as standing for marriage at the same time.
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Thank you for this post.
I try to stay away from these discussions because my emotions tend to run very high on the subject. I have vast experience in the topic, and I can come at it from every angle.
I have never "laid it all out there" before on the forum, but since this seems to be a thread started from a genuine concern and responded to accordingly, I decided to share some of what I have learned.
I have been divorced twice "in the church", so I have a bigger scarlett letter than most. My first observation is that overall,
in my experienceat least, the church has been very caring, and loving.
My first marriage was a very obvious, very black and white situation that was easy for most people to understand. I was the "wounded" party, and I encountered very little ugliness from people about it. Mostly from his family, but even then, very little.
My second marriage was a more murky situation, a gray area for the church, something that no one really wants to talk about much. For me, it was very clear, it was a matter of survival. I was the perceived "guilty" party, and I pretty much accepted that at the time. I would have done anything to save myself, and I actually walked away from God because of it. I knew what everyone would think and believe, so it was easier to just give up.
I luckily had people who loved me and cared for me, and they were able to minister the love of God to me in a way that made me see that no matter what anyone else thought of me, God still loved me.
The points that I wanted to make regarding all of this have to do with the things I highlighted in the post above.
The first is that NO ONE knows what goes on behind closed doors. To judge a situation that you have not personally lived through is very foolish. There are people who are masterful at hiding things.
The second thing is that just because a person says they want to work things doesn't mean that they really do. Sometimes people will play a role just for sympathy and to bolster their role as the wounded. If they say they want to work things out, and continue to act like a devil behind closed doors, they really don't want to work things out. Just for clarification, this is not always the case, I am fully aware of that, I just wanted people to see the other side of that coin.
The third thing is that as I said, over all, I have found people to be loving and caring. The few situations where that has not been true, I think for the most part have been because people don't know what to do. I understand that, it is a very uncomfortable and awkward subject.
The fourth is that yes, there are some very stupid Apostolic people who go around mouthing off their opinions on this topic, and it is a shame. I have seen it on this board on a couple of occasions. The bottom line is that divorce is a very ugly thing to go through, and to go around passing judgement on situations that you are not intimately involved with is just not wise.
My last thought is that, despite all evidence to the contrary (
), I do not believe in divorce, and I do believe every effort possible should be made to save a marriage.
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