Not Ashamed

[Adam]

As one who has never received the HG, I feel like a Pharisee all of the time. I speak with my lips, but never follow through. Sis Alvear's thread this morning spoke directly to me. I feel like such a fraud. I'm baptised in Jesus' name, have repented over and over again, but still resist his transformation by the Spirit and Fire. I have frustrations. I have doubts. I have fears. I am ashamed. Currently, I'm simply on the path to "do the right thing", much in the same way as the disciples did when they first met Jesus and did their best to turn from their sins and follow him. But, there's Peter... he slipped up so many times... but then became the leader. That is so amazing. I am sick and tired of trying to "fix myself" via constantly doing "1) sin 2) repentance 3) goto step 1" or implementing a philosophy of "do the right thing". To me it is the same as: “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who does not enter by the door into the fold of the sheep, but climbs up some other way, he is a thief and a robber." These are the things I'm currently dealing with at the moment.