Quote:
Originally Posted by Chateau d'If
I have watched as the same men who brutalized me were found to be adulterers, thieves, and liars. And, again, at every turn, because they spouted "the message" their preacher buddies gave them a free pass.
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Sadly, this is what I have seen too. Most people in the UPC I believe are good honest people who want to do what is right. However, what I find wrong in the movement in my experience was that when we saw basically what looked like misappropriation of funds when we took a church (to pastor) from a previous pastor (who had been on the district board) the district board's reaction was to push it away and pretend it did not exist, question us and not want to deal with it.
So, that pastor is still a preacher in the movement and was never dealt with during the time we were there. Also, because, I believe, of the district's refusal to do anything, our reputation was tarnished and people believed that we took money, which never happened and some of the people sued my husband and the church....(granted good Christian people would not do that)....but they were encouraged to do this and were told by the previous pastor that they had no choice but to sue us. Also, another preacher who was swayed by their story became their new "pastor".
The district board only supported us as little as possible during the lawsuit. They were as distanced from us as possible. They never called us. Never wanted to know how we were doing. When my husband showed up to a district board meeting with papers incriminating said preacher, the superintendent said he did not want to look at them. So, he never did.
Meanwhile, since we were new in the state, people went around and spread rumors about us far and wide as they drove past our house and night beeping the horn for weeks on end, forcing us to get little sleep and smashed out the headlights and taillights on my husband's truck and calling the police on him when he went into the church to get somethings out.
These things happened over the course of years. When we left there, we were so traumatized that I know I had PTSD. My husband could not hear when he woke up in the mornings for a while and he had cancer twice which I believe was at least partially caused by the stress.
When I tried to share these things and find some peace and healing, I was told I was bitter, looked at suspiciously, told I was nursing hurts and I was backslid. Meanwhile the previous pastor goes around preaching still.
So, yeah, I've seen it all and understand what you are saying. I have times when I grieve. Most of the time I feel okay after having been gone from there for seven years now. What a relief. I feel good with God.
So, abuse does exist no matter how much people try and pretend it doesn't. Pain does not go away just because someone pronounces you bitter for being beaten up. (I mean, how
dare you get beaten up spiritually and emotionally!!)
The best thing I ever did was walk away.
I am sorry for all the people that we hurt too in the process of trying to make sense of what was happening. Innocent people were hurt when they did not understand our intentions or the battle we were fighting. But, we were unable to talk about it because the district would not deal with it which put us in a horrible position. We made mistakes but our intentions were always good.
And we did not steal or do any terrible thing. What we did was, we saw wrongdoing and we wanted the district board to look at it, guide us, deal with it and help us through how to deal with it and help the church heal. And because they would not, people were confused, including us. And the whole thing turned into a terrible mess.
So.....when people tell me I'm bitter or nursing a grudge or have an ax to grind or whatever, it annoys me but I don't really care all that much.
I know the truth. I know what happened. I know that people lied, cheated, stole and stuck their heads in the sand and then covered it up with scriptural platitudes.
I couldn't even talk about this for so long because I was so scared of these people. I am starting to talk a little though. I have healed a lot.
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