Dealing with Cliques

[rebeccaavila]

My name is Rebecca and I am new to the group. I would like to humbly suggest that while the majority of people here seem to think that cliques in the church are natural and okay, and although in some instances they are innocent and natural, in many instances, the outsiders to that group would not agree with you.

Before we say, "What I am doing is fine," We need to thouroughly examine ourselves and ask the holy spirit whether or not we are really making a conscious effort to include others, and whether or not that effort is heartfelt.

I attend a church that I just love, but a lot of the other women are very cliquish and clannish and I am most definitely an outsider. They have their friends and seem to be content with their inner circle. They don't seem to need extra people in that group and do not attempt to bring others into it. In their defense, they are all very Godly women, and do not seem to be consciously aware that they are hurting others by their lack of acceptance and effort to include others in their social groups. They are just "used" to talking to certain people. The outsiders, in turn, do not seem to want to upset the apple cart, so these ladies are blissfully unaware that they are chasing people away from the church.

My point in saying this is that it is very easy as a part of that inner circle to say, "These are just my friends. What is wrong with that?" The truth is, that while your friendships are of course okay to have, does your lack of attention or true acknowledgement of newcommers make them feel unwanted? Will they stop attending church because we have made them to feel unaccepted by God, particularly in the case of people who have come to church broken and needy with emotional baggage and self-esteem issues, etc. People who truly need Jesus and a Christian friend?

I feel unwanted at my church, even though I love the pastors immensely. The cliquish ladies sometimes shake my hand and might even speak a word or two, but this is only an action. They don't seem to have any real desire of any sort to get to know me or make me feel like I am a part of the church. They are just shaking my hand to be cordial... and I know it. When we shake hands just to shake hands and do not really try to stretch our hearts ... people know it whether we say so or not.

Does your effort to outsiders go beyond cordiality? Do you make sure newcommers have someone to REALLY talk to? Someone to share struggles/encouragement with, or are they left alone to struggle because you are busy socializing with those in your circle?

Of course it is ok to have friends, but Jesus would want us to step away from what is good for us individually and make sure that everyone in the collective group is being encouraged, not just those we "click" with. If you don't attempt to get to know new people, how do you know they have nothing to offer and don't "click" with you?

I am not suggesting, of course, that anyone in this group is at fault, merely explaining what it feels like to be an outsider seeking God, and how I wish those in the inner circles of my church would view me as important enough to share with.

I will pray for this, but I want to encourage you all to examine whether we are doing what is right in Jesus's eyes or whether we are doing what is easier and more comfortable for ourselves.

With Christian Love and Prayer,

Rebecca.