Hi Originalist,
I know how you feel about thinking of yourself as a failure. My first two wives left me. Several Churches I started failed. My wife, a Godly consistent Christian woman and I left our home in Dayton Ohio 11 years ago and moved to a small town in Ky thinking we were being led by the Lord.
Thankfully he has given me a regular job. We live in a two bedroom trailer in the country paid for by the sale of our house in Ohio. We have gained no friends here in all that time. No one from here has paid us a social call this whole time.
We do have close friends still in Ohio and family. We would like to move back but its doubtful (unless God intervened) at 59 years old that we could make another major move. My wife took a bad fall 7 years ago and spent time in the hospital without insurance, which we still owe for. Then she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has recovered since then thank God through the goodness of God!
I had not borrowed money for Cars or anything since 1980. The motor in my car went out a few months back taking the rest of my life savings.
So yes I know what it feels like to think you are a failure.
AND YET.....I think we are spending more precious, consistent time with Jesus than ever. We recently had a dramatic manifestation of the presence of the Almighty where he showed us again that he knows every detail of our lives even as he knows each time a sparrow falls.
Last night a resident where I work was taken to the hospital unresponsive and in very bad condition. Two people there asked me to pray. I did and she was back home in about 5 hours! So I do believe God is still very near and I still have his favor.
There have been bad decisions in my life and I do believe consequences have followed. I am nonetheless in a 38 year love relationship with Yeshua the Messiah. Tho I feel the sense of failure often HE has comforted me and shown me his kindness to the extent I love him more than ever.
Why do we suffer affliction? Well if this life was a bowl of cherries we would have no strong desire for the coming Kingdom of God! We would be content with the happiness the world can bring.
Yes YESHUA IS WORTH WHATEVER WE GO THROUGH!
Look at this amazing prophetic scripture.
Yeshua comforted a suffering Church in this manner.
Rev. 3:8-11
8And unto the angel of the church in Smyrna write ; These things saith the first and the last, which was dead, and is alive ;9I know thy works, and tribulation, and poverty, (but thou art rich) and I know the blasphemy of them which say they are Jews, and are not, but are the synagogue of Satan.10Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer : behold , the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried ; and ye shall have tribulation ten days: be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life.11He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches;
The Church was suffering hard economic tribulation. Did Yeshua say "Cheer up" I will change your mourning into joy soon"!
No instead he warns them its getting ready to get worse. Now you are going to prison!
But we are not taught that Yeshua is that way. He always makes it "nice" for us.
So in closing some things we suffer are just the luck of the draw. Some things are chastisment because we have offended the Lord in some way. Some times we suffer now to prepare us for the harder sufferings yet to come.
But in everything we can with the eyes of faith see that the coming of Jesus Christ is going to be the most wonderful and joyous occasion in the history of the Universe! We will rule on the Earth with him as kings and priests! We get to be a part of the re creation of planet Earth and the glorious manifestation of the sons of God!
Be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might!
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