Advice: The Single Christian

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by Evenuntodeath

I'm single(female).

I think a common misconception with singles is that loneliness and lust are the only struggles a single has to deal with. This misunderstanding causes huge problems in ministering to singles and one of the reasons why the church has such issues with retaining singles.

I talk much right now, but I will come back later to elaborate.

I have already discovered that it often seems like the church assumes that a Christian single is unappy and MUST find a mate. However, many Christian singles are perfectly happy being single. The church often makes them feel incomplete and contributes to the feelings of loneliness or sense of "not fitting in" when it does this.

However, I'm feeling that a person can be perfectly happy and content being single. Maybe it's just my age catching up with me. However, I can see feeling lonely at times. But loneliness can be remedied by surrounding yourself with good godly friends, much prayer, being involved in serving the church and others. Even "going out" to socialize with wisdom. I can also see having sexual feelings and not knowing how to relieve them without a sense of shame or condemnation. It's been my personal experience that these feelings don't necessarily go away with cold showers, prayer, and joining a softball league. What are the bounderies, what is allowed in the eyes of God for a single Christian with sexual needs? I'm sure many single Christians have struggled with these questions since ancient times.

I was talking to an elder about this and he said, "Draw near to God and be prayerful. You have to talk to God and allow the Spirit to direct you in some personal matters and let know man condemn you. It's between you and your Lord."

Is there any wisdom in that?

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

You find three close (single) friends and all put $50 bucks in a pot and vow not to do "it". Then the last one to give in will be labeled "Master of his own Domain" and win the $200.

lol

Randy, I love you bro. You always know how to make me laugh when I'm heavy in heart.

Thanks dude.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

Yes, any of us can face being single at any time in our life.

I was single for 4 years after my divorce from my first husband. I would go to church and see what I thought were happy families...then watch them go home for their own fellowship while I went home to an empty dwelling place. As a young female at that time, I had many instances where temptations were very powerful. But I found that one pearl (Christ) meant more to me than all the temptations.

So....what does one do about loneliness, which was what I faced daily. I found places to go, friends to pass the time with. I was still very young and wanted a family of my own. So I asked God that if it was His blessings to send a mate to me. Sounds corny right? But I got specific and it wasn't too very long that the perfect mate came into my life....right to my specifications. Looks and money were not part of the specifications, but rather love for Christ, temperment, patience, in other words, fruit of the Spirit were more the specifications than the worldy things. We are well into our 29th year together now. He just kind of came into my life. I did not have to go looking.

God is not without feeling, nor does he dismiss our feelings when we are sincere. Don't be afraid to tell him about yourself and how you feel. You will find that He does understand. Don't be afraid of marriage, whether secular or Quaker unless you just feel you might not actually get along.

Whatever the case, talking to God will net you some real results about this dilemma.

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

(I Peter 5:7)

That post almost made me cry. Thanks sis. God bless you.

[AreYouReady?]

Originally Posted by Aquila

Is there any wisdom in that?

There is a lot of wisdom in that Aquila.

[rgcraig]

97% of the time I am completely satisfied being alone now. I'd hate to know that I had to give up half my closet!!

[houston]

Well, most guys have an inordinate focus on self. If you can defeat that ...let me know how you did it.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by houston

Well, most guys have an inordinate focus on self. If you can defeat that ...let me know how you did it.

There's a lot to this statement, I believe.

It's in a women's nature to be nuturing and care for others. If I didn't have my children and grandchildren to dote over, I'm sure that I would be much more lonely.

The 3% of time when I feel alone is usually when I just need someone to lean my head into and feel safe and cared for.

[imreedemed]

Originally Posted by Aquila

Praise God! Awesome post.

Is there such a thing, in your opinion, of a "single sexuality" for the single Christian?

How do single Christians manage their personal needs???

I keep asking myself that question. But i like to leave it at that otherwise i'll come up with my own "Doctrine/ Gospel" which is not Christ/Cross-centered

[Aquila]

I'm 38. Was married for 12 years. It fell apart. My current lady friend and I have been together for nearly 2 years. But she talks about marriage etc. a lot. At first, I was really excited at the idea. But as time has gone by... I don't think I'm ready. I am also starting to feel like maybe she isn't right for me even if I were ever ready. I feel this "tension" throughout my being when I think about marrying her. But if I think about being single... I feel a lot of peace. As for loneliness... I know how to to out to socialize, have guests, etc. Frankly... I've always enjoyed being alone to study, tidy the house, cook out, play on the internet, etc. It's the sexual part of being single that I am intimated by most. I know me... I'm a healthy male. But I don't want to marry just for sex. At 38... it's just starting not to appeal that much. I kinda want my creature comforts without relationship drama, countless obligations, fussing about house work, etc., etc.

I have my son part time... and from a Father's perspective... being able to FOCUS on him without distraction also appeals to me.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself well.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by imreedemed

I keep asking myself that question. But i like to leave it at that otherwise i'll come up with my own "Doctrine/ Gospel" which is not Christ/Cross-centered

I brought this up to a few close friends in Christ. One of them gave me a book on Grace. For me... I saw how embracing grace, for some, is the secret to living at peace with God, while also being all too human at times. Sin is sin. But sin was paid for. We can have peace with God... through the cross. Our sin was judged already. Now this isn't a license to sin... because we'll surely reap what we sow. But it does bring peace to the soul to know that when we are all too human and fall to some degree... below us are the everlasting arms.