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My prayers are with you as you try to settle into a new church in a new city. Familiarity breeds comfort, so that may be playing a part in your choice.
I have a similar story. I moved to a new city and attended an ex-UPC church for about ten years. Some things transpired that caused us to look for another church. After visiting around, we settled on a UPC church in town. The pastor and people were friendly and welcoming, but because of how my wife and girls looked, we would always be second class Members. I am a musician and I would never be able to play, nor would my wife and girls be allowed to sing in the choir. I had helped teach a Sunday school class for years, but I would never be allowed to do that at this UPC church.
We decided that we could live with that, so we decided to settle there. What happened is that when my wife or girls were blessed and raised their hands to worship at the alter, folks would think that they were praying through! We had an epiphany that the folks of the church thought that if we stuck around, eventually we would be "touched" by God and assimilate into the mindset. In other words, we were treated as back-slidden.
After about six months, we left.
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Words: For when an emoticon just isn't enough.
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