Quote:
Originally Posted by *AQuietPlace*
In my opinion, this isn't really a submission issue to begin with. Maybe in part - but the real question is, what do you do when a husband and wife have deep disagreements about a religious belief? (and that's only one of many issues she will face now that she has a different viewpoint on the standards, etc) And trust me, this is a DEEP disagreement.
When an issue this big crops up in a marriage, it needs to be dealt with with great care. Yes, mrsnt needs to be very cautious, does not need to rush into ANYTHING. But she can't just keep her thoughts to herself and go on and pretend as if nothing has changed inside of her. It's simply not possible.
This is not as simple as - oh, it's not a SIN to wear dresses, so just wear dresses and don't worry about it. The Pentecostal standard thing involves an entire *culture*. A mindset. A way of thinking. When you no longer believe in that culture, on the inside, you suddenly feel like an outsider. You don't fit in anymore. Even though you may look the same on the outside, on the inside you're full of turmoil and unrest. When you go to the store and someone looks at you and says - 'Oh, you're Pentecostal' - and they assume you believe a certain way... because that is what your appearance says to them. And you want to scream because you feel like such a fraud.
I'm sure that sounds melodramatic, but if you've lived through it, you know that it doesn't even scratch the surface of the turmoil your mind goes through.
Mrsnt most definitely does NOT need to run out and cut her hair and buy pants. She needs to proceed with great caution. She and her husband will need to work these things out together, and it will take time. Prayer, prayer, prayer and more prayer needs to be involved.
But it's really not a matter of - 'oh, just submit.' It goes so much deeper than that.
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I'm a practical, pragmatic person and my opinions reflect that. I'm not the type of person to do anything dramatic in my life, unless I've thought it through carefully and decided it's the best or only option. I realize that saying Mrsnt should submit to her husband sounds trite, but in reality, you didn't advise her any differently than I did.
"Mrsnt most definitely does NOT need to run out and cut her hair and buy pants. She needs to proceed with great caution. She and her husband will need to work these things out together, and it will take time. Prayer, prayer, prayer and more prayer needs to be involved."
I also don't know what your personal situation was like with your husband, but I DO know that it's different when you and your husband are on the same page and when you're not. I've lived through both scenarios, and obviously it's easier to handle when your husband agrees with you. Without going into great detail, there was a short time years ago when my husband was discouraged and didn't want to attend church with the girls or me. It lasted for about 6 months. I never berated him, got upset with him or nagged him about attending church. I let him come around on his own, and eventually he did. It's really a good approach to state your piece and then move on. Let things "marinate."
As for handling standards: Not everyone feels as oppressed by that as others. That's the reality. I really don't mind living by the UPCI rules and I can take them or leave them as my situation dictates. Some women feel they are so restrictive they can't breathe. That can be complicated by over-bearing church leadership, to say the least.
All that said, I've only addressed what I think Mrsnt should DO in her situation, from a Christian POV. I think she should speak to her husband about her concerns when he's willing to discuss it without a fight. I think she should then leave changes between her husband and God, give him time to think differently, and in the meantime, keep peace in her home. I'm not sure why that's rubbing Prax or you the wrong way.
I will concede that I'm a cut and dried "don't really care all that much about feelings" kind of woman. I'm more of a "suck it up and do the right thing anyway" kind of woman.
That's why people like you are important to this thread.
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