Does forgiveness mean trusting them again?

[ModestMama]

Originally Posted by Esaias

"With friends like that I don't need any enemies."

Personally, I would forgive them (meaning I would not seek any revenge, and would not exact 'what they owe', but would turn it over to God). I would pray for God to help manage my affairs with a godly, Christ-honouring temperament.

And my future relationship with that person would be based upon the knowledge that they 1)are quick to seek governmental intrusion and possible destruction of my family unit, and 2)are quick to gossip, and therefore 3)are anything BUT 'friends' with me or my family.

I hold no grudges against snakes (vipers) but if they show up on my porch or near to my house they are dead meat. Nothing personal, I just know what they are capable of and I make a rational decision to protect my family and home. Same thing with people, when people prove who they are and what they do by their actions, you need to take those things into account when dealing with them in the future.

'Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.'

He that is void of wisdom despiseth his neighbour: but a man of understanding holdeth his peace.
(Proverbs 11:12)

A person of understanding is not going to go about as a tale-bearer, destroying their neighbor's reputation or bringing an unfounded reproach upon them. So then, according to the Bible, someone who does such a thing is 'void of understanding' and 'despises his neighbor'. Should you maintain company and closeness with someone who is void of understanding and who despises you?

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart.
(Proverbs 11:29)

Don't trouble your own house, it brings bad ju-ju.

Those are very good points!!

[ModestMama]

Oh I just wanted to clear something real quick. In my post I stated that she told a couple of ppl. I feel bad , (I didnt intentionlly tell a fib) I know for sure, its been confirmed that one family has been told and the other family i have a "hunch" has been told. (Btw the 2 families are close).


Also, through all of this I havent been able to tell . None on my family knows. But I so want to praise my Lord!!! (being a sexual abuse victim myself) i had hard times (before the Cross) of wondering WHY God could let this happened.....to ANYONE let alone a innocent child! But I want you to know, That God had his protection over my daughter through all of this. He must of have put her in a deep sleep and she never knew anything! (the only way WE knew was becuase she awoke one night and he was in her room and she didnt know why, and he confessed (again i wont go into detail). He was very repentive, he was crying so hard and begging for forgiveness (my stepson).
I cant even explain the extent of my joy in the Lord for his protection. He is so good and if anything good can come out of this....is my trust and faith in this is made me stronger!
Right before this was exposed, I had been praying to walk more in the Spirit and not flesh. I begin hatting the works of the flesh..(which i know that my friend acted in the flesh and not spirit led) and also praying for a deeper stronger faith.
And I had such a fear of the devil...i wanted to be stonger spiritually.
So during this, I fasted 3 days ( i fasted like I never fasted before...I prayed for God to show me the manner of man I was and to give me strength...and to heal all those involved..i never once prayed for revenge against her or my stepson) and while I was praying i was listening on a bluetooth speaker to a playlist on youtube of praise music....and, you know how sometimes little commercials pop up during a video/song? Well music was playing and it was interrupted for about 10 secs with static and in the static i can hear faint siging much like the Catholic sounding choirs type stuff..slow and very high notes of singing in a opertatic tone (best i can describe it) and then it stopped, Then came right back, this time i can hear the singing more clearly and then it was interuppted by a very deep demonic laugh..And Ohhhh i felt the devil was laughing at me and instead of fear, I starting rebuking commanding that joker to flee from my house!! Praise God!!
So yes, I will say that I do feel much stronger in Spirit and in Truth!

[houston]

Your stepson sexually abused your daughter? Is he still in the home? Were charges filed?

[mama bear]

My older Pastor J.C. Cole always said it's better to love some people from afar!!

[Sarah]

ModestMama, I'm not making excuses for your friend for calling authorities over this situation when she said she wouldn't, but is it possible she really thought she had your family's best interest at heart? I know it must be a sticky situation, but a child must be protected first and foremost. Is it possible that is all she was trying to do? Protect your daughter? Since she is, or was, a close friend, if it was me, I think I would make an appointment with her,and try to clear the air. It's probably bothering her as much as it is you.

[Originalist]

Originally Posted by ModestMama

Oh I just wanted to clear something real quick. In my post I stated that she told a couple of ppl. I feel bad , (I didnt intentionlly tell a fib) I know for sure, its been confirmed that one family has been told and the other family i have a "hunch" has been told. (Btw the 2 families are close).


Also, through all of this I havent been able to tell . None on my family knows. But I so want to praise my Lord!!! (being a sexual abuse victim myself) i had hard times (before the Cross) of wondering WHY God could let this happened.....to ANYONE let alone a innocent child! But I want you to know, That God had his protection over my daughter through all of this. He must of have put her in a deep sleep and she never knew anything! (the only way WE knew was becuase she awoke one night and he was in her room and she didnt know why, and he confessed (again i wont go into detail). He was very repentive, he was crying so hard and begging for forgiveness (my stepson).
I cant even explain the extent of my joy in the Lord for his protection. He is so good and if anything good can come out of this....is my trust and faith in this is made me stronger!
Right before this was exposed, I had been praying to walk more in the Spirit and not flesh. I begin hatting the works of the flesh..(which i know that my friend acted in the flesh and not spirit led) and also praying for a deeper stronger faith.
And I had such a fear of the devil...i wanted to be stonger spiritually.
So during this, I fasted 3 days ( i fasted like I never fasted before...I prayed for God to show me the manner of man I was and to give me strength...and to heal all those involved..i never once prayed for revenge against her or my stepson) and while I was praying i was listening on a bluetooth speaker to a playlist on youtube of praise music....and, you know how sometimes little commercials pop up during a video/song? Well music was playing and it was interrupted for about 10 secs with static and in the static i can hear faint siging much like the Catholic sounding choirs type stuff..slow and very high notes of singing in a opertatic tone (best i can describe it) and then it stopped, Then came right back, this time i can hear the singing more clearly and then it was interuppted by a very deep demonic laugh..And Ohhhh i felt the devil was laughing at me and instead of fear, I starting rebuking commanding that joker to flee from my house!! Praise God!!
So yes, I will say that I do feel much stronger in Spirit and in Truth!

The better thing would have been for your friend to anonymously report her concerns to the authorities so as not to create awkwardness in the church and between her and your families. How did she find out about your stepsons alleged actions to begin with? If you told her, that is a lesson learned. we have to be careful who we confide in concerning our family issues. It seems she not only told the authorities, but others in the church as well, and is proud of it.

[ModestMama]

Originally Posted by Sarah

ModestMama, I'm not making excuses for your friend for calling authorities over this situation when she said she wouldn't, but is it possible she really thought she had your family's best interest at heart? I know it must be a sticky situation, but a child must be protected first and foremost. Is it possible that is all she was trying to do? Protect your daughter? Since she is, or was, a close friend, if it was me, I think I would make an appointment with her,and try to clear the air. It's probably bothering her as much as it is you.

I am pretty certain i know why she did it. She had a similar situation when she was young and justice wasn't served (even after going to court) So i know that this brought up personal deep feelings. And i know that she was concerned over us. However, it wasnt like we were just brushing this under the rug at all. We JUST found out and needed a moment to sort through our emotions and talk and pray for guidance. She had given us her word that she would NOT call authorites and give us room....and she did not. She didnt even give us a warning. We hadn't even had a chance to talk to my daughter ourselves before defacs came out and told us WE COULDNT discuss this with her.
She herself wanted the boy removed from his home (he doesnt live with us) and that very thing was arranged that same night after talking with his mother. He was being sent out of state to live with relatives where there are no children and who are faithful to church. ( I am VERY well aware that when something like this happens the flesh wants to take over and see him in prison or even worse) But I and my husband wanted him to get help. Spiritual help. He was already getting hungry for God and seeing the oneness message. (although his mom is trinitarian but belives in similar things as us. She said he had a spirit in him prior to this and she cast it out..she said she seen it leave and it was horrible...and then got it again) He wanted to know more. He also isnt a "bad" kid. He knew what would happened to him if he were arrested and we wanted what was best for ALL involved in this.

But anyway, Yes I know why she did this and Yes i know she was concerned but she reacted in her flesh and I asked her to pray and seek God about it.
She even said that I need to "watch my daughter from now on because most likely she will be an abuser herself" She doesn't know that my daughter was protected and never knew anything! We only know this because of the investigation and forensic interview with her. And like i said before...I have not spoken to this friend since this started.
And for her to go and tell another family in the church (i know for sure) was WRONG!

[ModestMama]

Originally Posted by Originalist

The better thing would have been for your friend to anonymously report her concerns to the authorities so as not to create awkwardness in the church and between her and your families. How did she find out about your stepsons alleged actions to begin with? If you told her, that is a lesson learned. we have to be careful who we confide in concerning our family issues. It seems she not only told the authorities, but others in the church as well, and is proud of it.

She knew about it because i was on the phone with my husband ( and he told me) while driving to pick my daughter up from her house. And I was a hysterical emotional mess when I arrived. And I was fuming!
I do think she is proud if reporting it....feeling what she did was "right".. But the outcome she so insisted on did NOT happen. And she doesn't know what the outcome is. Now, my husband is totally cut off from his son and can't even talk to him. This has been even harder for my husband because he does not know how his son is doing.

[ModestMama]

Originally Posted by houston

Your stepson sexually abused your daughter? Is he still in the home? Were charges filed?

As I stated before DEFACS (child protection services) were called and we went under investigation, my household and his household( he does not live with us)

[ModestMama]

So the nature of this post was about forgiveness....and i belive I recieved wisdom concerning it. I dont feel the need to keep this post up any longer, since it does contain sensitive material. I dont want to blast someone even if it is anonymously.