Charlie Gard

[Aquila]

I can't imagine what the parents are going through.

When my mom had her heart attack the EMS took her to Miami Valley hospital in Dayton, Ohio where she had surgery and the doctors put shunts into her. She was awake and doing relatively well. She wanted to read her Bible and pray, so she read some Psalms she loved and we prayed. She wanted to thank God that she survived and she prayed with me and repented of everything she felt she had done wrong in her life. We prayed for a complete healing and praised God for His goodness and mercy. The Spirit moved powerfully and our faith was high. I left to go home because I had work the next day and she seemed to be doing so well.

Later that evening I received a phone call saying that my mother's condition had worsened and that she was no longer conscious and that she was being moved to Ross Heart Hospital in Columbus, Ohio. I called into work and we loaded up to meet her there. After me and our family gathered at the hospital the doctors gave us a briefing on her condition. Her prognosis was "grim". The heart attack had done so much damage to the heart it wasn't recovering. In fact, her condition was worsening. She was coding almost every 15 or 20 minutes. Every time this happened they would administer the paddles and regain her heartbeat. She wasn't a candidate for a heart transplant. They advised that the damage to the heart was so extensive, they saw no possible way she'd stabilize. Essentially, they'd keep zapping her until they finally lost her.

Since I was the only next of kin, it was my decision to either have them keep zapping her every few minutes until they lost her, or I could give the decision to stand down and cease all life saving measures. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I asked if she was aware of what was happening to her and the doctor said that she was most likely somewhat aware, though she was too weak to speak. I asked if she was feeling any discomfort with the measures being taken and he advised that she was most likely experiencing a high degree of physical duress with each episode.

Here was my mom, the only parent I ever had while growing up and she was suffering and it was up to me to give the order to cease life saving measures. She coded several times while we were discussing her condition in the family conference room. I didn't want them zapping her and beating on her chest all night until they lost her. If she were going to die, I wanted her to die peacefully and with dignity. I asked the doctor if she could hear me and he said that there was a chance that she could, though she wouldn't be able to respond. I gave the order to cease life saving measures after stabilizing her the next time she coded. I arranged to have the family enter her room while she was stable and we all gathered around her bed. I held her hand and explained what had happened and the choice I had to make. I promised her that I would be by her side, holding her hand until she was with Jesus. I also told her who was there with us, and each told her how much they loved her and that she wasn't alone. It was me, my grandmother, my uncle John, my aunt Lois, my aunt Shirley, my cousin Angela, my uncle Bob, and my great aunt Nancy. I told my mom that I loved her and that she meant the world to me. A single tear rolled down the side of her face and she weakly gripped my hand. The machine began reading "XXXX" as her heart entered fibrillation. It was time. I told her that I was going to start praying and that I wanted her to pray with me. We all prayed for her, that God be merciful and that she be carried by the angels into the arms of Jesus. My son, who was just two days shy of his first birthday was at a sitter's. She had been so excited about his first birthday, and now she was going to miss it. So, I also prayed that, if it were at all possible, that the Lord would allow the angels to take her to see my son, Noah, just one more time before taking her to Heaven. And then her heart stopped. It was over. She was gone.

We stayed at a hotel that night. No one felt like driving back to Dayton. The next morning we met in my grandmother's room where she was with my great aunt Nancy and we were talking and decompressing from the events that transpired the night before. In the middle of the conversation, we all just stopped talking. Nancy looked at my grandmother who was already looking at her, and said, "It felt like Joyce just walked into this room." As soon as that was said, there was a knock at the door. It was the sitter in Columbus who had been watching Noah that night bringing him to us for the trip home. I know I have no Bible for it, and I know some might think I'm crazy, and I don't claim to be an expert...and I could be wrong... but it seemed like we all felt my mom in that room just before Noah's sitter arrived because God not only allowed her to visit with Noah after her passing, but allowed her to spend the entire night with him. And now she was letting her presence be known as Noah was being returned to us. It was her loving goodbye before leaving this world for her Heavenly home.

Making the decision to end a life, or having a life slip through your hands, is something that never leaves you. Whether it be killing in the line of duty, losing someone you're desperately trying to save, or choosing to end life saving measures. It all takes a toll. But I've never lost a child. They say that losing a child is the worst possible feeling of loss a person can feel. So, I don't blame these parents one bit for going to the extreme to save their child. But I also don't know if all this is in his best interests. It's all so very sad.

Ultimately, right or wrong, it should be the parent's choice. I pray that God takes over and insures that whatever is best for the child transpires.