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Michlow, I've been EXACTLY where you are, perhaps even more removed. I too left UPC.
It took me a very long time of praying and reading my Bible before I began to gain answers to my questions. Each time I opened my Bible, I would pray that God would lead me through His word and that I could completely clear my mind of all the interpretations I had been told, and just read His word fresh with no preconceived meanings. I also read alot of the early church history. But, always with prayer.
I found my church and have more peace with God than ever in my life. I'm now walking with Him because I love Him, not, as one writer put it, I was "in fear of hell and looking for the ultimate fire insurance." With honest prayer and study, you will find Him. I will pray for you.
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