Children in Church

[Barb]

Originally Posted by HeavenlyOne

I notice, in my church anyway, that parents don't seem to discipline their children anymore. They are whiny, disruptive, and if they are taken out, nothing is done.

When my kids were toddlers, they got taken out. My son was one who just asked for it....LOL! He got his spankin, and we came back in and sat down. He only went to the nursery for SS, never for regular service.

I wasn't 'in church' at the time, but would attend with my mother. The pastor, who was mine the entire time I grew up there, admonished me from the pulpit to put him in the nursery, but I refused. My mother also didn't put him in the nursery when she brought him.

I think children should be taught, perhaps from about the age of two, how to behave in service. They can play, eat a snack, whatever, but they can be taught to do those things quietly.

People need to be taught respect because it sure does seem to come anymore with experience.

I'm noticing that even during a message in tongues people walk in and out and kids keep on playing.

We knew as kids that if you are walking or talking or whatever, stop...this is the Lord speaking.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by Barb

We sure got whipped...

I was a very good child and don't remember getting whippings. When I turned 18 that is another story and my husband threatened me with it. LOL! Go ahead, baby, make my day!

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by Barb

People need to be taught respect because it sure does seem to come anymore with experience.

I'm noticing that even during a message in tongues people walk in and out and kids keep on playing.

We knew as kids that if you are walking or talking or whatever, stop...this is the Lord speaking.

I have seen that! Totally amazes me! I saw a group of people walking out during tongues and interpretation during camp meeting because it was lunch time.

[Pragmatist]

I think ideally, children need to be taught to behave in service. If they are too young or have other issues, then take them out. And please, DON"T sit on the front row if you have young or unruly children.

[Trouvere]

There is a really good book on training young children to behave in church.
I bought it years ago since my youngest is ten.I started with them as babies
in the prayer room.They have never felt that anything in service is strange as its all very familiar.My middle daughter sings on the platform and specials and also teaches Sunday School.The youngest is on her way.She loves church.
I did not take them out or spank them.I simply went into the nursery for a talk and then right back on the pew.They learned and its been a success.
Taking a bag with crayons and color books works when they are little if they
are the fidgeting type.You just have to instruct them not to color on the pews.I always have told them to look me straight in the eyes and when they did I simply commanded them...obey me.Discipline does not start in the church building.It starts at home when they are born.You train them up.
Training is not punishment it is correction in love with consequences explained.
People want to not do this and then get a look of exasperation when little Joe or Jill act out definantly in public.When you say no its always no not no now and yes later.You have to remain firm.

[Monkeyman]

This one is easy...whup em', game over.

[Monkeyman]

Originally Posted by Trouvere

There is a really good book on training young children to behave in church.
I bought it years ago since my youngest is ten.I started with them as babies
in the prayer room.They have never felt that anything in service is strange as its all very familiar.My middle daughter sings on the platform and specials and also teaches Sunday School.The youngest is on her way.She loves church.
I did not take them out or spank them.I simply went into the nursery for a talk and then right back on the pew.They learned and its been a success.
Taking a bag with crayons and color books works when they are little if they
are the fidgeting type.You just have to instruct them not to color on the pews.I always have told them to look me straight in the eyes and when they did I simply commanded them...obey me.Discipline does not start in the church building.It starts at home when they are born.You train them up.
Training is not punishment it is correction in love with consequences explained.
People want to not do this and then get a look of exasperation when little Joe or Jill act out definantly in public.When you say no its always no not no now and yes later.You have to remain firm.

Or...take that good book and...whup em' wit it!!!!

[MissBrattified]

First of all, being bored and restless in church is childish behavior...not bad behavior, and therefore has to be corrected as such. We don't spank our children unless they are deliberately disobedient or defiant. Wiggling too much during a long sermon certainly doesn't qualify as spank-worthy.

Secondly, I think that churches have an obligation to be child/family-friendly IF they are going to require that mothers attend all services with small children in tow. Quite frankly, if a woman is going to have to sit in the nursery with her infant or toddler the entire service, what is the point of her being there?

I like churches that don't have [saints who have] hissy fits when kids jump up and down with the music or occasionally make the wrong turn in albuquerque and end up where they shouldn't be.

That said.

All three of our children have been sitting tidily on the front row during worship/music since they were 2 or 3, and sitting next to us during the preaching. We expect them to stay awake, and sit on the pew. We expect them to be quiet and listen. We do not provide them with toys or books or drawing utensils or games. (Although we did when they were very small.) We accomplished that with consistency and patience. And a few mishaps. (But not too many...) There was the one time when Hannah stripped down to her diaper on the front pew until a good hearted elderly lady behind her came to the rescue (since both her Daddy and I were in the middle of music)...and the time she followed the choir into the choir loft, and I turned around to direct, only to find Hannah standing in the middle of the soprano section...Or the time Jeffrey went up to the drum cage (which sits off the platform), and was knocking on the glass/waving excitedly to get the drummer's attention.

More recently...I was helping a friend set up in back for an after-church graduation party, and I sent Jeffrey to ask the Pastor's wife a question (she was in the fellowship hall), and he went looking for her in the auditorium, right in the middle of the sermon.....LOL!!!!!! (All the way up to the front and back and to the front again, and then Pastor T said...."Jeffrey, please sit down.") (He was crushed, and that one was MY fault...I should have reminded him of where Pastor's wife was....)

Anyway...the point is...children can and should be taught to be respectful and well-behaved in church. BUT...at the same time, I don't think they should be harshly disciplined when they are simply being children, nor do I think that church needs to be pin-drop quiet at all times. (I hope it isn't....)

Two sided coin...we expect good behavior and correct it when it isn't [good], and the church should be reasonably tolerant of childlike behavior. I do not believe that all toddlers and infants should be summarily escorted to nurseries. That should be the choice of the parent, and if there is behavior occuring that requires them to leave, then so be it. If there is a significant problem with a child or children, the pastor should address it privately with the parents. Other children shouldn't be banned from service just because a few don't know how to behave.

Like someone else said, I think when you stick children in nursery, and then children's church where everything is entertainment, games and SUGAR, they never learn how to act during a service. Why shouldn't they play around and goof off at age 12, when they have done it all along?

[Barb]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

First of all, being bored and restless in church is childish behavior...not bad behavior, and therefore has to be corrected as such. We don't spank our children unless they are deliberately disobedient or defiant. Wiggling too much during a long sermon certainly doesn't qualify as spank-worthy.

Secondly, I think that churches have an obligation to be child/family-friendly IF they are going to require that mothers attend all services with small children in tow. Quite frankly, if a woman is going to have to sit in the nursery with her infant or toddler the entire service, what is the point of her being there?

I like churches that don't have [saints who have] hissy fits when kids jump up and down with the music or occasionally make the wrong turn in albuquerque and end up where they shouldn't be.

That said.

All three of our children have been sitting tidily on the front row during worship/music since they were 2 or 3, and sitting next to us during the preaching. We expect them to stay awake, and sit on the pew. We expect them to be quiet and listen. We do not provide them with toys or books or drawing utensils or games. (Although we did when they were very small.) We accomplished that with consistency and patience. And a few mishaps. (But not too many...) There was the one time when Hannah stripped down to her diaper on the front pew until a good hearted elderly lady behind her came to the rescue (since both her Daddy and I were in the middle of music)...and the time she followed the choir into the choir loft, and I turned around to direct, only to find Hannah standing in the middle of the soprano section...Or the time Jeffrey went up to the drum cage (which sits off the platform), and was knocking on the glass/waving excitedly to get the drummer's attention.

More recently...I was helping a friend set up in back for an after-church graduation party, and I sent Jeffrey to ask the Pastor's wife a question (she was in the fellowship hall), and he went looking for her in the auditorium, right in the middle of the sermon.....LOL!!!!!! (All the way up to the front and back and to the front again, and then Pastor T said...."Jeffrey, please sit down.") (He was crushed, and that one was MY fault...I should have reminded him of where Pastor's wife was....)

Anyway...the point is...children can and should be taught to be respectful and well-behaved in church. BUT...at the same time, I don't think they should be harshly disciplined when they are simply being children, nor do I think that church needs to be pin-drop quiet at all times. (I hope it isn't....)

Two sided coin...we expect good behavior and correct it when it isn't [good], and the church should be reasonably tolerant of childlike behavior. I do not believe that all toddlers and infants should be summarily escorted to nurseries. That should be the choice of the parent, and if there is behavior occuring that requires them to leave, then so be it. If there is a significant problem with a child or children, the pastor should address it privately with the parents. Other children shouldn't be banned from service just because a few don't know how to behave.

Excellent words here, Abi...as usual. You sound like a young mother with a good on your shoulders, girl.