Disfellowshipped

[LaVonne]

Originally Posted by pelathais

I remember one man that had been in the military when he was won by a UPC chaplain overseas. The guy left the military and settled down with his family in a UPC church state-side.

After a short time in the states he developed an infection that was rather disfiguring. His doctor told him to stop shaving for 6 months or so while undergoing treatments. This was all discussed and understood by his new pastor. Sad thing was, the pastor's wife didn't really think beards were "Apostolic." At her instigation the man was driven from the church- by the same pastor who agreed to the "6 months without shaving" regime in the first place.

The betrayal that this poor man and his family suffered still haunts me today. After the hard work of the chaplain brings forth fruit- we in the states throw it all away over something so petty.

I should stay away from threads like this... you could get me going and I would despair... But then again, is the answer to just ignore these things? I worked from the inside of this system trying to do all I could to support pastors and others in leadership. I gave it my all and have nothing to show for a life time of committment. Even the souls that I helped to bring into the kingdom- did I do them any favors by getting them caught up in all of this?

I always tried to help support "the system" and was dutiful in every way. But when I finally got to the point of seeing how we throw human beings away like garbage I was troubled. And then I was thrown out with the trash. We're a machine that eats up consumes human lives all so that a handful of us can have the means to retire to a horse farm.

This is sad but true.

I did not start this thread to bring up old wounds...I'm truely sorry for what you and others have been through. We had a terrible experience with the church my husband was raised in...have many of the same thoughts you've expressed here.

However, I don't believe it's like this everywhere...there are some good people in UPC that really do want to help people.

[pelathais]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

What hurts the worst is to look back at such things and wonder "Why did I stay in bondage so long??"

I think that I "stayed in bondage" for so long because I believed the line that "things will get better."

"Just hang in there, pray over the situation and be faithful..." I heard that and even told myself that for years, for decades. But it never got better. I'm laughing at myself now, because if they hadn't kicked me out, I'd probably still be in there; being faithful and believing that things would eventually get better.

And I know my complaints about the UPC stand out in stark contrast to the things that I say in support of the UPC. It's just that at the national level things aren't too bad- in fact the people are great. They're accomodating to others of different opinions and really minister to everyone that they come in contact with. It's the local stuff that drives you nuts. That and when the local stuff gets brought up to the national level - Such as when a particular pastor decides that he doesn't like "the smell" of some of his brethren and drags the the whole fellowship through his personal turmoil. The results of that will be with us for a very long time.

[FRINGE_NUTTER]

Originally Posted by CareyM

This is sad but true.

I did not start this thread to bring up old wounds...I'm truely sorry for what you and others have been through. We had a terrible experience with the church my husband was raised in...have many of the same thoughts you've expressed here.

However, I don't believe it's like this everywhere...there are some good people in UPC that really do want to help people.

I've heard that too. Still looking. Guess I might have to move to find them.

[LaVonne]

Originally Posted by FRINGE_NUTTER

[/B]

I've heard that too. Still looking. Guess I might have to move to find them.

We did!

[FRINGE_NUTTER]

Originally Posted by pelathais

I think that I "stayed in bondage" for so long because I believed the line that "things will get better."

"Just hang in there, pray over the situation and be faithful..." I heard that and even told myself that for years, for decades. But it never got better. I'm laughing at myself now, because if they hadn't kicked me out, I'd probably still be in there; being faithful and believing that things would eventually get better.

Sometimes the only way INTO His kingdom is OUT OF the group you've been associated with and change is very difficult. Where He leads, I want to follow. He knows all things and He'll reveal the secrets of men's hearts and men's actions (that are done behind closed doors and in secret meetings). We see through a glass darkly but one day He'll reveal all things.

[FRINGE_NUTTER]

Originally Posted by CareyM

We did!

I understand. UPC is not the only ship in the sea, either!...I know there have to be some good UPC folks out there. I can tell from posters here.

[LaVonne]

Originally Posted by FRINGE_NUTTER

I understand. UPC is not the only ship in the sea, either!

Oh, I know that!

[RandyWayne]

"Just hang in there, pray over the situation and be faithful..." I heard that and even told myself that for years, for decades. But it never got better. I'm laughing at myself now, because if they hadn't kicked me out, I'd probably still be in there; being faithful and believing that things would eventually get better.

Sounds like the woman with the abusive boyfriend! The problem is things CAN get better for short periods of time, but then come storming back worse then ever since the root problems are never solved.

My parents had their own situation, and they thought that way for a few years. The problem is there would be massive outpourings of the spirit and we would think/hope that things would change as a result but it didn't. I was a teen at the time so didn't have much say, but I remember as most of the church complained about how "horrible the pastor was!", but then when WE left we were officially excommunicated and would see former church-mates make ridiculas "shows" of avoiding us if we were to meet in a restaurant -the ones who were openly complaining the most before the split usually. We ended up laughing at their "Maxwell Smart-like" efforts to avoid us.

[LaVonne]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

Sounds like the woman with the abusive boyfriend! The problem is things CAN get better for short periods of time, but then come storming back worse then ever since the root problems are never solved.

My parents had their own situation, and they thought that way for a few years. The problem is there would be massive outpourings of the spirit and we would think/hope that things would change as a result but it didn't. I was a teen at the time so didn't have much say, but I remember as most of the church complained about how "horrible the pastor was!", but then when WE left we were officially excommunicated and would see former church-mates make ridiculas "shows" of avoiding us if we were to meet in a restaurant -the ones who were openly complaining the most before the split usually. We ended up laughing at their "Maxwell Smart-like" efforts to avoid us.

How well I remember avoiding the 'rebellious' ones who left the church...I'm so ashamed of it now. It wasn't until we left the church my husband was raised in did I understand what they were going through...hard lesson to learn.

[RandyWayne]

A (not so) funny thing though is that it really takes about 7 years to get over a bad church situation! This is nearly the exact amount of time that psychologists say takes to get over the death of a child or spouse to the point that you can get on with your life.