Quote:
Originally Posted by QueenEsther
Mich, did you ever settle down into a church? Just curious. Sounds like you are doing good!!! Keep up the dieting!! I'll be right there with ya in a few months. I am currently on a "diet" for my pregnancy diabetes and it is the pits! Lol!!! But at least it is already putting me in the diet midset, maybe now it won't be so hard after I have the baby to continue on.
|
I go to church about twice a month. Not sure if that qualifies as "settling down" or not.
I'm not sure if I can explain it, but in a big part church has been part of my problem, and when I would go there to find answers, I would just leave with more questions.
That doesn't mean that I don't think church is necessary, that I don't need it, or that it's no good...I don't think that. exactly. It's just that the current church model doesn't seem to work for me. We seem to be like oil and water. But that's not to say that I think everyone should see things my way, because honestly, it seems to work for a lot of people.
Let me backup for a minute and say that my New Year's resolution this year was to throw out everything else and just concentrate on one question: "Who is Jesus?" Because they through is, that somewhere in the midst of all the stuff, church, programs, doctrine, standards, and everything, that seems to have gotten lost.
Several months ago I came to an amazing conclusion (With a lot of help from NFCF..LOL) there are not 2 people in the entire world that believe exactly the same when it comes to religion. None. They always disagree in at least one tiny part. Therefore, it stands to reason that no one is 100% correct. Everyone is at least partially wrong.
There is a slight miniscule chance that 1 person could be right. But it would be the very height of arrogance for me to think that I was that person. Or for anyone to claim it for that matter.
Once I realized that, it became extremely hard for me to get much out of preaching. Because after all, it was just the opinion ("interpretation") of one man, who I already knew was wrong in at least 1 thing.
I guess to explain why that had such an impact on me, you would need to realize that from the moment I was saved, I truly believed that if I just studied enough, read enough books, listened to enough preaching, and read every single Bible version in the world, that eventually, someday, I would have all the answers. I really honestly believed that.
But my search for answers only led to more questions. Unfortunately the Apostolic faith is not one that is known for encouraging healthy questioning. So I convinced myself that questions equaled lack of faith equaled doubt equaled being in danger of hell.
So back to my resolution...to toss all that aside, all the junk that I didn't know how to deal with, and just concentrate on one question "who is Jesus?"
See, I was so busy concentrating on what would or would not send me to hell, that I somehow lost sight of something that was once the most important thing to me in the world. The Person who was once my best friend and greatest hope, had someone turned into Someone that I viewed with mistrust, anger and sometimes downright contempt.
Oh, I wouldn't have acknowledged that outright, but it was true all the same.
Some people will call me a liberal, some a backslider, others deceived or carnal or worldly. But that no longer bothers me at all. Because the only thing that matters is; "who is Jesus?"
For the first time in years, I feel such peace. I no longer worry constantly about going to hell, because It didn't matter how good I was or how many rules I followed, I always worried it wasn't enough. I was always pretty sure that I was going to hell, no matter how much I prayed or read my Bible or went to church. (One of the reasons God made me so mad...nothing was ever enough for Him...or so I thought, anyway).
This probably makes no sense what-so-ever, unless you have also experienced the same thing. But rest assured any who may be concerned, that I am in a good place, and am actually enjoying my search.
Linear Mode
