Divorce in the church

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

Originally Posted by nahkoe

Oh we just had to go there didn't we!?

I grew up in a divorced home. I struggled with trusting God in my past. I am now a divorced woman, and I simply can not trust God. I am struggling with this like nothing I knew was possible. Love? You've got to be kidding me...love=hurt.

And gee thanks for the vote of confidence in raising kids. lol I know that's not what you meant, but punch in the gut again. I know what struggles my kids face and it makes me so sad. I wish I could make everything all better for them, but I can't.

I did not mean this as a punch in the gut at all.

I speak for myself and thought I would add another side.

[nahkoe]

Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind

I did not mean this as a punch in the gut at all.

I speak for myself and thought I would add another side.

I know you didn't. I think the other side is important to see. I really do wonder how many divorces would be avoided if the parents only knew what it does to the kids. Obviously, knowing can't prevent all of them.

And I'm a bit touchy about this right now. I just sent all 4 of the kids with daddy for 2 weeks, the 3 year old for the first time. I got to hear his voice last night when he was missing me and know I can't make this better for him, or the others. He barely even knows his daddy so he's in a virtual strangers house, 10 hours away from me, for 2 weeks.

I admit to, and apologize for, reading through this filter.

[SDG]

Originally Posted by dizzyde

I understand what you are saying, and don't want you to think that I think you should wait to remarry. I certainly don't think that. God can lead you into the perfect relationship for you and your family.

I went through the same emotions about my daughter, how was she ever going to learn the right things about marriage in our situation. I have been single since she was 11, and she is 20 now.

In my personal experience, I was lucky that I had family close by, her grandparents and aunts and uncles who all had strong, Godly marriages that she was around on a regular basis. And we talked a lot. I was always careful to make sure that she understood that our circumstance was not the way that God intended it to be, and that while our life was good, God had more than that in store for her.

I don't know if you have family around you, but you can also build a network of friends that you want to expose your children to on a regular basis, so they can see the beauty of Godly marriage. There is no perfect solution, this is part of the ugliness of divorce.

I strongly encourage open communication with your children, kids are not idiots, and they see more than we know. I don't mean sharing ugly details with them, but just allowing them to talk about what is going on in their heads and how they are perceiving what is going on.

When my daughter was in her early teens she went through a phase where she was really hung up on her life not being "fair". And she was right, it wasn't fair. I let her express that, but I always made sure that she understood that while life wasn't "fair", she also had incredible blessings. That while things were not perfect, they also weren't horrible. She had a parent who was completely devoted to her, a reasonably comfortable lifestyle, and multiple family members who would do just about anything for her. That is more than a lot of kids can say.

I guess my extremely long winded point is that, kids are remarkably resilient, and they can take a whole lot as long as they know that they are loved, and if you are trying your best to make the right choices for them.

I'll shut up now, got to get off the computer and do some last minute shopping!

Diz, I don't have any family here in Houston that the kids can relate to .... that's one of the things that has compounded this ....

As for networking ... it's taken time ... I've never lived here before ... and believe it or not .... I'm not an extrovert ... or very social.

Something ... I'm presently working on....

My oldest saw what a two parent home is ....

and today as we drove home from the cemetery ...

She reminisced about our family vacations w/ my parents .... and her aunt and uncles .... she said she missed everyone being together ....

It tore me apart.

I, of course, reassured her.

They are resilient .... I hope I can keep up.

[berkeley]

You are not an extrovert??

[SDG]

Originally Posted by Berkeley

You are not an extrovert??

No. Those who know me personally will concur.

[berkeley]

I am shocked.

[SDG]

Originally Posted by Berkeley

I am shocked.

I'm working on it ... and often even forcing myself to be more forward in my one-on-one dealings w/ people.

[nahkoe]

Originally Posted by Daniel Alicea

I'm working on it ... and often even forcing myself to be more forward in my one-on-one dealings w/ people.

I'm not an extrovert either. At all. I completely understand having to force yourself to be more forward. I'm going to make peanut brittle with the sweetest people alive tonight, and I keep trying to come up with reasons not to go. lol

I'm not an extrovert either but I've found that I need to make extra effort to open up and get out of my shell, because it helps with the depression when I do that.

Getting out and doing things I don't normally do seriously helps me to stretch and become a more well rounded person. Well rounded people are attracted to well rounded people. I want the next one to be a well rounded person, so I need to be as well...

Granted, I'm thinking way ahead here because I'm not even close to being ready to consider another relationship. I'm still carrying baggage...


By the way, Thanks to Trouvere for this thread... I'm happy to be able to express myself like this on AFF, and I know some of the rest of the folks who've been there are thankful as well...

[nahkoe]

Originally Posted by Ronzo

I'm not an extrovert either but I've found that I need to make extra effort to open up and get out of my shell, because it helps with the depression when I do that.

Getting out and doing things I don't normally do seriously helps me to stretch and become a more well rounded person. Well rounded people are attracted to well rounded people. I want the next one to be a well rounded person, so I need to be as well...

Granted, I'm thinking way ahead here because I'm not even close to being ready to consider another relationship. I'm still carrying baggage...


By the way, Thanks to Trouvere for this thread... I'm happy to be able to express myself like this on AFF, and I know some of the rest of the folks who've been there are thankful as well...

I started out thinking about "the next one" but over time came to the conclusion that *I* deserve to be healthy and well. Just for myself.

I almost always enjoy myself when I get out. It's just that push to go do it that's still hard.

And yes, thank you Sister Trouvere.