The Secret Minister

[Rico]

Are any of you afraid of ministering to others? By that I mean are any of you afraid of releasing the Holy Ghost within you to minister to others? This is a fear I have always had. For much of my early years in church, I was in and out and in and out. It seemed like I would get to a certain point in this walk, things would start to happen I didn't understand, I'd get scared and run away. No one, not even I, could understand why. I seemed to be doing just fine and suddenly I'd be gone from church for weeks at a time. Eventually, I'd go back and start things up again, only to repeat the same pattern.

It's taken me years to figure this out , but I have realized it's because I have a fear of letting God work through me to minister to others. I am not talking about pulpit ministry either. I am talking about those times when the opportunity arises for God's Spirit to use us to minister to someone's spiritual need. It could be a prayer said at just the right moment, advice that flows through us from God, sharing with someone just the right scripture they may need for them to overcome whatever battle they find themselves in, that sorta stuff.

This fear has caused me to build a shell around that spiritual tenderness I am talking about. I feel open to attack when I act on the prodding of the Spirit of God that dwells within me. One of my pastors used to always ask me, "When will the real you come out?" I still don't know, and it was years ago when he asked. I know I am still a relatively young person (40 and counting), but I feel like I am running out of time to become what God has in store for me.

Taking that first step of faith is something I have done before. It's not taking that step that bothers me as much as taking the next one, and the next one, and the next one. All I know is that I have lived in the valley for entirely too long. I gotta find the strength to start climbing that mountain again. I'm going to die here if I don't.