He Called Me Dad

[AmazingGrace]

Originally Posted by Rico

Sister, I feel pretty good about the timing of this myself. There have been other times I have tracked them down, but it never felt like it was the right time to make any contact. Also, the other times I tracked them down I went through so much looking and ran into brick wall after brick wall. This time I did run into a few hurdles, but it was only a matter of a few days before I had found them. It's like a door to finding each other suddenly opened up for us.

Like I said in another post, I don't know what God has planned for all of this. I know his parents are both about 16 years older than me, and she told me that her husband has had a stroke and he is now paralyzed on the left side of his body. Because of my son's mental condition, he will never be able to live on his own. Maybe the Lord is putting things into place so he will have a place to come to when his mom and dad pass from this life. I don't know. All I know is I am glad God has made a way for us to connect with each other. I'm going to take things nice and easy with him and his family, and enjoy every phone call, every card, every letter, every picture, every email, every everything concerning him. He must really be a very special person to the Lord because He made sure he's got two families that love him very much and want the very best for him.

Wow... I was thinking the exact same things when I typed all of that but didnt want to seem doom and gloom. But now for the rest of the story. I too agree that the timing is good just from what I know of you and I dont even know the whole situation but let me tell you the rest of my story...not to be long but I believe you need to hear this to help you understand God does indeed have a reason for everything.

About 9 yrs ago my Mom (Mom will be referred to as my adoptive mom and dad is same...Glenda and Ted are my BIO) signed up on a website called adoption dot com.. when she did she put in all my info and all the pertinent info she had. Down to the attorneys name. Then she began to search the site by these different items. She found a lady named Glenda and sent her and email.. this was about midnight as mom was a major insomniac. Glenda woke the next morning and opened her email as she had always done every morning. Saw this email and was so excited yet freaked! It was the moment she had prayed for but never expect. Decided she would wait until she got home from work that evening to respond as she had never even told my siblings about me.

This being back then when the only free email carriers were hotmail and such and you had one requirement on them, sign on every 30 days. Well that afternoon while at work Glendas house burnt to the ground. She lost her computer in the fire and before she was able to sign back on it had passed the 30 days. She did however remember the name of the woman (mom) who contacted her and began searching phone books in Dallas. Thing is my parents had been married 30 yrs and in those yrs not a thing had ever been in my moms name including the phone number so Glenda was lost as she did not know my dads name. So she pretty much gave up again.

Now to more present time. 4 yrs later on Christmas night we had not come to tx that yr as my mom had been in the hospital and wanted us to stay home w our family. So she got home and signed onto the comp. Decided the best christmas gift she could give me was one more attempt. She signed onto that forum again for the first time in 4 yrs *she assumed it was the wrong person since glenda never responded* she signed on and within hours Glenda emailed her and said I have watched this forum for you to come back every day for 3 yrs. I am your daughters mother!!! They talked compared times even down to the min Glenda walked into the attorneys office to sign the papers (my parents watched from the car lol) and came to the realization it was indeed her. They sent pics back and forth and we met...

Make a long story short. My mom said to Glenda the night we all met at my parents house.. the one thing I want my baby to know is that no matter what happens to us she will also always have yall too! 2 families are better than 1.. then she took Glenda and Teds hands and said if we ever leave this earth will you please watch out for our baby. It was almost 3 yrs to the day that my momma died. Its been rough and there will never be the same bond but at least I know they are there for me and we do have a wonderful bond and relationship!

God bless your endeavors and if there are ever any rough patches and you need or your wife needs to talk to someone whos been on the other end of this please feel free to contact me!

[Rico]

Originally Posted by AmazingGrace

Wow... I was thinking the exact same things when I typed all of that but didnt want to seem doom and gloom. But now for the rest of the story. I too agree that the timing is good just from what I know of you and I dont even know the whole situation but let me tell you the rest of my story...not to be long but I believe you need to hear this to help you understand God does indeed have a reason for everything.

About 9 yrs ago my Mom (Mom will be referred to as my adoptive mom and dad is same...Glenda and Ted are my BIO) signed up on a website called adoption dot com.. when she did she put in all my info and all the pertinent info she had. Down to the attorneys name. Then she began to search the site by these different items. She found a lady named Glenda and sent her and email.. this was about midnight as mom was a major insomniac. Glenda woke the next morning and opened her email as she had always done every morning. Saw this email and was so excited yet freaked! It was the moment she had prayed for but never expect. Decided she would wait until she got home from work that evening to respond as she had never even told my siblings about me.

This being back then when the only free email carriers were hotmail and such and you had one requirement on them, sign on every 30 days. Well that afternoon while at work Glendas house burnt to the ground. She lost her computer in the fire and before she was able to sign back on it had passed the 30 days. She did however remember the name of the woman (mom) who contacted her and began searching phone books in Dallas. Thing is my parents had been married 30 yrs and in those yrs not a thing had ever been in my moms name including the phone number so Glenda was lost as she did not know my dads name. So she pretty much gave up again.

Now to more present time. 4 yrs later on Christmas night we had not come to tx that yr as my mom had been in the hospital and wanted us to stay home w our family. So she got home and signed onto the comp. Decided the best christmas gift she could give me was one more attempt. She signed onto that forum again for the first time in 4 yrs *she assumed it was the wrong person since glenda never responded* she signed on and within hours Glenda emailed her and said I have watched this forum for you to come back every day for 3 yrs. I am your daughters mother!!! They talked compared times even down to the min Glenda walked into the attorneys office to sign the papers (my parents watched from the car lol) and came to the realization it was indeed her. They sent pics back and forth and we met...

Make a long story short. My mom said to Glenda the night we all met at my parents house.. the one thing I want my baby to know is that no matter what happens to us she will also always have yall too! 2 families are better than 1.. then she took Glenda and Teds hands and said if we ever leave this earth will you please watch out for our baby. It was almost 3 yrs to the day that my momma died. Its been rough and there will never be the same bond but at least I know they are there for me and we do have a wonderful bond and relationship!

God bless your endeavors and if there are ever any rough patches and you need or your wife needs to talk to someone whos been on the other end of this please feel free to contact me!

Hallelujah! Sister, just like the Bible says, all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose!

[Margies3]

This really has been an interesting and helpful thread for me right now. It's interesting how we've been able to examine in this one thread every side of this issue: from the point of view of the birth parents, from the point of view of the adoptive parents and from the point of view of the adopted child.

Thank you, Rico and Amazing Grace for sharing your insight. It is helpful to us as we are experiencing Justin meeting his birth mother for the first time this Sunday. And thank you for letting me voice my point of view.

As I've said before, we are not opposed to Justin meeting his birth family. I really believe that this is something that he needs to do for his own peace of mind. And I'm honestly not worried about them "taking our place" in his life. If he talked about them all day, every day I might be concerned. But he doesn't. In fact, he goes days at a time without a even going near the subject. That tells me alot. Thank you, AG, for helping me to understand how hard it is for him to know what to call his birthmom. That explains alot to me. Maybe I can sit down with him and let him bounce some ideas around until he finds something he can be comfortable with?

Rico, I'm glad to hear that you are not pushing things too fast. This is alot for anyone to process. But for someone who has learning difficulties like Jonathan, I would imagine it might be even harder to figure out? It's good to give him space Also, from the point of view of the adoptive parent, it will be good to give her some time herself to process this whole change in their lives. Good for you for handling this well.

[Rico]

Margie, rest assured that I am planning on using you as a sounding board for me in this situation. I need to hear how someone in your shoes sees this situation. I appreciate you jumping in and sharing your thoughts.

[AmazingGrace]

Originally Posted by Margies3

This really has been an interesting and helpful thread for me right now. It's interesting how we've been able to examine in this one thread every side of this issue: from the point of view of the birth parents, from the point of view of the adoptive parents and from the point of view of the adopted child.

Thank you, Rico and Amazing Grace for sharing your insight. It is helpful to us as we are experiencing Justin meeting his birth mother for the first time this Sunday. And thank you for letting me voice my point of view.

As I've said before, we are not opposed to Justin meeting his birth family. I really believe that this is something that he needs to do for his own peace of mind. And I'm honestly not worried about them "taking our place" in his life. If he talked about them all day, every day I might be concerned. But he doesn't. In fact, he goes days at a time without a even going near the subject. That tells me alot. Thank you, AG, for helping me to understand how hard it is for him to know what to call his birthmom. That explains alot to me. Maybe I can sit down with him and let him bounce some ideas around until he finds something he can be comfortable with?

Rico, I'm glad to hear that you are not pushing things too fast. This is alot for anyone to process. But for someone who has learning difficulties like Jonathan, I would imagine it might be even harder to figure out? It's good to give him space Also, from the point of view of the adoptive parent, it will be good to give her some time herself to process this whole change in their lives. Good for you for handling this well.

Love you Margie! And it will work out and God has his hand in it I am sure!

[Margies3]

Originally Posted by Rico

Margie, rest assured that I am planning on using you as a sounding board for me in this situation. I need to hear how someone in your shoes sees this situation. I appreciate you jumping in and sharing your thoughts.

Rico, one thing that I can tell you with all the confidence I have within me - as adoptive parents, most of us feel the same way. We are very, very, very grateful to you as birth parents for allowing the privilege to be Mom and Dad to the baby you made. We understand how horribly difficult the decision had to have been for you to make and how you chose love for your baby over love for yourself. That is so very honorable.

I know personally, that I have thought about my boys' birth parents every single birthday and holiday. I've wondered if they spent the day wondering how they were doing and what they looked like and if they were happy. If I could have, I would have reached out to them to let them know what fabulous human beings they formed and how happy they were and how happy they've made us.

In Keith's case, we take him once a year to meet with his biological grandma and biological half-brother. I know for sure that Grandma goes back to birth mom to let her know how he's doing. And I am very careful to make sure that I send pictures home with her, knowing that she will be sharing them with the birth parents. These people did no harm to our child. They gave him up because they loved him. How can I have bad feelings against them? I can't.

In Justin's case, his biological grandma has known where he is all along. She is actually my mother's cousin (her mother and my grandmother were sisters). She made the choice when Justin first came here to back out of his life so that she would never be able to slip up and tell his birth mother where he was. The birth mother never hurt him. But the birth father did. And grandma's goal was to make sure that there was never any way in the world that the birth father could find Justin. To do that, it meant that she had to cut off the rest of her family. She has spent the past 18 years not seeing any of her cousins or her aunts and uncles. All so that she could protect Justin. Again, how can I have bad feelings against her when she's gone to lengths like that to protect my son? I can't.

Rico, if you have any questions at all, I am here. I will be glad to talk with you. And I will be honest. I hope that will be ok. I also plan to come to you and to AmazingGrace for your points of view as things come up for us. I hope that is ok.