Justin met his birth mother yesterday

[CC1]

Originally Posted by Margies3

Thank you, Rhoni. I appreciate that kind offer.

You know, it's funny. Before the meeting I was really needing someone to talk to. I was soooooooo nervous. In fact, I got up Sunday morning with the most stiff neck I think I've ever had. I know it was all nerves. It's still a little stiff today, in fact. But that's just because it's taking so long for the kinks to get worked out. LOL

I feel so much better tho, after having had the meeting. Justin listened to everything that Dana had to share with him. He was not judgmental of her at all and didn't confront her with all of the questions that I'm sure have to be going thru his poor little head right now. He knows that there will be plenty of time for those later. This meeting was just for getting to know her. One of my fears was that he would feel so "connected" to her that it would be a difficult day for him. But he didn't seem so at all. He enjoyed meeting her. And I know that her letting him know how much she loved him meant alot to him.

But you know how so often adopted kids will have this unrealistic idea about who their birth parents are? I think that for Justin, this was a good meeting. He found out that she is not the beauty queen that most 18 year old boys dream of having for a mom. And she is not the perfect mother who would have been able to give him every desire he ever had in life with no restrictions. She made it clear that she is not well off and that she has some very strict rules at her home now. But he also found out that she is not Monster Mom either. She was simply a 16 year old girl who was much to young to have been a good mom for him. She was stuck in a very abusive situation and couldn't protect him and that's why she lost him (along with many other reasons, including her own alcohol problems). I think finding out that she is not either extreme (the greatest or the worst) was good for Justin.

I'm sure that someday he will have lots of questions for her. She had Justin, then one year later, she had a daughter. She never lost permanent custody of Cassie. But Cassie did go back and forth between the mom and the father (the man who was so very, very abusive!). If he was so abusive, how is it that the courts would keep awarding custody of Cassie to him instead of to Dana? Dana also had 2 other boys who she's kept and is raising. I know that Justin will have questions about that. And between the two boys, she had another baby girl who she released for adoption. Can you see why Justin has questions?

Dana has done a good job so far of being completely honest with him. I'm praying that that continues. I think she will.

And I find it interesting that Justin has absolutely no interest at all in meeting his biological father. NONE. Never asks about him. Didn't even seem interested when Dana was trying to tell him what the man looks like.

Wow! What a lot for a teenager to take in. Sounds like he is handling it well. I will pray he continues to do that. Sounds to me like all of this is probably reinforcing to him how lucky he is to have you as a mom.

[Margies3]

Originally Posted by CC1

Wow! What a lot for a teenager to take in. Sounds like he is handling it well. I will pray he continues to do that. Sounds to me like all of this is probably reinforcing to him how lucky he is to have you as a mom.

You're right, CC1. It really is alot ofr a teen to take in. And you haven't even heard about the birth father yet! He's sitting in prison right now because in May he threw battery acid all over his own mother for refusing to loan him money. He is a drug addict, an alcoholic and an extremely abusive man. So abusive that a year ago he broke Cassie's arm (Justin's biological sister). She was 16 at the time!

Imagine having to absorb all of that at 18! Especially when you've been a kid who has been sheltered and protected from the evils of this world for the past 15 years by parents who love and adore you.

I'm proud of Justin. It looks to me like he's handling all of this really, really well. But please continue to pray for him. He really does need your prayers right now. LOTS of changes happening in his life in a short period of time - meeting his birth mother, getting ready to move out and go away to college for the first time, graduating high school..... It's alot. I appreciate your prayers.

[sherr34]

I am glad to hear that the meeting went well. I was wondering about that. If you ever have any questions to ask an older adoptee just let me know.

[Pro31:28]

This reminds me of the book (about or by) Michael Reagan "Twice Adopted", he relates his adoption by Ronald and his adoption into Christ... If I remember it was a very good book!

You are such a wonderful "real" Mom, Margie!