HELP!!! question for you all. - Page 2

jaxfam6 · #1 09-21-2008, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jekyll

Wow, jax, we have experienced this same type of situation. We made the move and, of course, it has forever altered the lives of the people who remain. I understand choices you have to make.

Make your choices out of love (God's love) and not out of fear.

This I am trying to avoid

dansamy · #2 09-21-2008, 11:31 PM

What are your brothers doing to help?

jaxfam6 · #3 09-21-2008, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dansamy

What are your brothers doing to help?

VERY LITTLE gets on my last nerve. They are all older than me and if I say something it goes unheeded. I got all upset at them once for not helping out and they ignored me. The oldest wrote them all letters and they acted like they were going to start helping more but nothing came of that. Then when mom ended up in the hospital to have surgery they were there 24/7 and now that she is out they just barely stop by to check on things and then only after someone calls them.
The one brother lives about 2 1/2 hrs away and he helps more than the others. Also my sister that currently lives about the same distance away she goes and helps.

Steve Epley · #4 03-29-2009, 10:56 PM

Well you only have one Mom and if you don't go you will probably beat yourself to death for not going. If it is possible and probable I would go. I will be praying for you and your Mom.

Margies3 · #5 03-30-2009, 08:15 AM

Jax, this is another example of how we are all so caught up in our own lives that we fail to remember that everyone around us is also going thru tough times. I know this is hard for you. I understand how you have to feel so torn every day about what you can or should be doing. I'm sure that your sister appreciates your "heart" in this.

My experience in working with Alzheimer's patients in the past in the nursing homes and then having been the primary caregiver for my friend for 4 years is that Alzheimer's people function MUCH better when their lives are not disrupted. They thrive on familiar. That includes familiar caregivers. They may not recognize these caregivers or even know their names. But they respond to them better than they do to a new person coming in. So, as hard as it is for your sister, the situation she is in is probably the best for your mom. Maybe the thing that you can do that will be the most help for your sister would be for you to offer her and her family as much support as you can possibly give her.

Some suggestions: (and take them all at face value. They're ONLY suggestions)

* You and your brothers could pay for an alarm system to be installed in your sister's home so that she could get a good night's sleep without having to worry about whether your mom is up and wandering out the door.

* Offer to pay for someone to come in at least once or twice a week in the evening so your sister can get out and do what SHE wants to do. You said she has someone during the day, right? I assume your sister is working a job and that's why she needs the daycare?

* Have your sister's kids come out to visit you and your family for a week or two. That in itself might give your sister a big break.

* Even if you don't do anything else, at the very least, send your sister flowers or candy or something every once in a while just to tell her how much you appreciate the sacrifice she is making to take such good care of Mom. Let her know that you are grateful. That in itself will go a long way.

You may not be able to do alot for your mom right now. But do what you can for your sister to make HER life easier. The more you do for your sister, the more your MOM will benefit

I'll be praying for you, brother. I understand. Really, I do. Alzheimer's a CRUEL disease.

*AQuietPlace* · #6 03-30-2009, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margies3

Jax, this is another example of how we are all so caught up in our own lives that we fail to remember that everyone around us is also going thru tough times. I know this is hard for you. I understand how you have to feel so torn every day about what you can or should be doing. I'm sure that your sister appreciates your "heart" in this.

My experience in working with Alzheimer's patients in the past in the nursing homes and then having been the primary caregiver for my friend for 4 years is that Alzheimer's people function MUCH better when their lives are not disrupted. They thrive on familiar. That includes familiar caregivers. They may not recognize these caregivers or even know their names. But they respond to them better than they do to a new person coming in. So, as hard as it is for your sister, the situation she is in is probably the best for your mom. Maybe the thing that you can do that will be the most help for your sister would be for you to offer her and her family as much support as you can possibly give her.

Some suggestions: (and take them all at face value. They're ONLY suggestions)

* You and your brothers could pay for an alarm system to be installed in your sister's home so that she could get a good night's sleep without having to worry about whether your mom is up and wandering out the door.

* Offer to pay for someone to come in at least once or twice a week in the evening so your sister can get out and do what SHE wants to do. You said she has someone during the day, right? I assume your sister is working a job and that's why she needs the daycare?

* Have your sister's kids come out to visit you and your family for a week or two. That in itself might give your sister a big break.

* Even if you don't do anything else, at the very least, send your sister flowers or candy or something every once in a while just to tell her how much you appreciate the sacrifice she is making to take such good care of Mom. Let her know that you are grateful. That in itself will go a long way.

You may not be able to do alot for your mom right now. But do what you can for your sister to make HER life easier. The more you do for your sister, the more your MOM will benefit

I'll be praying for you, brother. I understand. Really, I do. Alzheimer's a CRUEL disease.

Very good suggestions. I'd be sure everyone did their part to help your sister out as much as possible. Especially paying someone to come stay so that your sister can get out in the evenings quite a bit.

dansamy · #7 09-21-2008, 11:43 PM

Your one sister that is having so much going on in her life needs to call the brothers and sisters together for a meeting and lay it out. Someone else will need to care for Mom while she handles her own very full plate. And it ought to be one of those brothers who are currently doing diddly...

jaxfam6 · #8 09-21-2008, 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dansamy

Your one sister that is having so much going on in her life needs to call the brothers and sisters together for a meeting and lay it out. Someone else will need to care for Mom while she handles her own very full plate. And it ought to be one of those brothers who are currently doing diddly...

oddly enough that is how I feel and that is what my other sister has said also.

jaxfam6 · #9 03-29-2009, 10:40 PM

I wanted to give an update on my mother. As I am sure you have all noticed I am still in AZ so I did not move back to Ohio. I had gone back in Oct to visit and give my sister a weeks break. During that time it became obvious to me that even if I moved back to help it would not be long and she will be in a home. I call and keep in touch and do what I can from here.
Today I talked with my sister about how mom is doing. She had some follow up appointments this past Thursday and wanted to find out what had been said then. Well the bone surgeon has released her. He said the bone in her arm is as good as it is going to get and that there is no reason to go and take the plate out. The neurosurgeon wants to see her again in June. Three months ago she still could not hold her wrist up even though she was starting to get some use in it. She can not hold the wrist up and move her fingers. She is zipping items and buttoning some buttons on some of her tops. They have taken her out of the splint and have her dusting furniture with her left hand as therapy.
She does not even remember the fall that caused the break. She does not remember trying to run around the church.
She does, however, know that she does NOT like to be told to get her bath or her hair washed. She will do it in her own time. Of course sometimes her time is not timely enough. =) When she is headed to bathroom she will turn around and shake her fist at my sister and mutter under breath.
Anyway, just wanted to give an update and thank you all for the prayers you sent up for her.

pelathais · #10 03-30-2009, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaxfam6

I have a mother with Alzheimer's. She has started having health issues. She lives with one of my sisters and now my sister is having some issues. She has a young daughter with problems and a son who is pretty much taking over the house.
I do not live close but I have several bothers who do. I have sister that lives out of state and she has been going to help out a few times a month.
I love our church. Love the area we live in except for the crime and the higher cost of living. I have been feeling torn between if I should try to move back to the area and help my sister or not.
Personally I do not like Ohio, lots of old nasty memories there. There is a good church and lots of people we know and love there though.
If you were faced with a similar situation what would you do?
Would you move back and be there to help? or would you stay put and go back once a year for a week or two to help then? or would you just stay put and not worry about things?

Just curious what a few others might do in this situation.

Please feel free to say. Honestly, I need some ideas.

=) thanks

There's no way I could possibly see into all of the issues, dilemmas and choices here. Do you have kids and spouse? You have to do what's best for them first, IMHO. Maybe move Mom back to your place, if that's an alternative or find a medicare accepting faclity nearby.

My thoughts and prayers are with you Bro.