What interesting is we aren't the therapist, but we've giving her the advice - - lol!
Rhonda knows her friends love her and wants to listen - that makes it all cool!
I know one thing for sure. Don't say anything about your personal life (emotional and spiritual hurts in particular) on AFF unless you want a boatload of advice, well meaning but not always useful!! LOL!!
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Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the people doing it. ~Chinese Proverb
When I was young and clever, I wanted to change the world. Now that I am older and wiser, I strive to change myself. ~
Yes, if we allow it. I was talking to a friend of mine that had some real traumatic issues happen to her as a child. She carried that into her adult life and finally found a good counselor who worked along side God to bring healing into her life.
It was very interesting to find out how hard she had to work to make the changes in her life. She said that many times she would regress into a pity state because it felt good and was more comfortable than the pain of getting up and working through her issues.
She went on to say that many people seek out a counselor just to vent, but don't realize there is work involved in order to really effect a change.
It made me feel exhausted to understand the process for some. I'm thankful God has helped her to where she is today!!!
I think what often happens here is a person tries to work through the issues but is invalidated and revictimized by those who should help. So, a person never gets past the point of needing help. Sometimes it takes time to know who to talk to and to remember not to talk to those who invalidate and revictimize you.
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Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the people doing it. ~Chinese Proverb
When I was young and clever, I wanted to change the world. Now that I am older and wiser, I strive to change myself. ~
I know one thing for sure. Don't say anything about your personal life (emotional and spiritual hurts in particular) on AFF unless you want a boatload of advice, well meaning but not always useful!! LOL!!
I KNOW!!! I was going to go into more detail on what I was trying to convey, but them I'd have to get personal which would be no one's business. LOL!
Rhoni, I understand what you are saying. Everyone is different. Until you go through and stand in another person shoes, you will never know how hard it is to let go of past hurts. May all your problems fall FAR FAR behind you and may God richly bless you!
I think what often happens here is a person tries to work through the issues but is invalidated and revictimized by those who should help. So, a person never gets past the point of needing help. Sometimes it takes time to know who to talk to and to remember not to talk to those who invalidate and revictimize you.
She was actually saying that through the counseling you have to look at the pain right in the face and deal with it. It's easy to step back into your comfort zone and rest - but you can't - you have to look at it and be willing to effect the change.
Many just want to talk to a counselor or friend without putting forth effort to work at change. Venting can be good only if you are willing to do something about what you just vented about.
What interesting is we aren't the therapist, but we've giving her the advice - - lol!
Rhonda knows her friends love her and wants to listen - that makes it all cool!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pressing-On
LOL!
Not trying to counsel her. I have just seen two sides of the "boundary" issue and thought it was interesting to discuss. I've dealt with the "two" sided boundary in my own life. The "letting go" and the "energy maintenance". I think we all have to some degree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rgcraig
Excellent Point!
If you hold on to something thinking it's for protection HE can't take care of it. You have to be willing to let things go, not measure everyone with the same yardstick and NOT over analyze everything.............more of my two cents that's not worth that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rgcraig
Exactly - - you can build that protective wall so high that it can't be torn down and that's not doing anyone any good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pressing-On
Yes, if we allow it. I was talking to a friend of mine that had some real traumatic issues happen to her as a child. She carried that into her adult life and finally found a good counselor who worked along side God to bring healing into her life.
It was very interesting to find out how hard she had to work to make the changes in her life. She said that many times she would regress into a pity state because it felt good and was more comfortable than the pain of getting up and working through her issues.
She went on to say that many people seek out a counselor just to vent, but don't realize there is work involved in order to really effect a change.
It made me feel exhausted to understand the process for some. I'm thankful God has helped her to where she is today!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bella1
Once bitten--twice shy.
Rhoni, I understand what you are saying. Everyone is different. Until you go through and stand in another person shoes, you will never know how hard it is to let go of past hurts. May all your problems fall FAR FAR behind you and may God richly bless you!
Thanks you guys! You know I am a therapist but I cannot heal myself and sometimes I can't even practice what I preach. I do agree and know that the first step has to be a choice, and I do know that you have to have a window in your wall to let the hurt out and the healing in. There is also a good thing about remembrance and that is not allowing yourself to go there again. I make it a practice of moving on when people start to violate my boundaries.
REMEMBER: forgiveness is not the same as trust. I can forgive but trust is something that has to be built.
Yes, on aff I HAVE SOME GOOD FRIENDS, AS WELL AS SOME WHO PROPHESY MY DOWNFALL BUT GOD WILL HAVE HIS WAY AND WHAT HE WANTS FOR ME FAR EXCEEDS WHAT I WANT FOR ME.
I believe that good boundaries keep the wrong people out of your life.
Worse boundaries keep the right people out of your life.
The very worst boundaries do nothing but keep you locked in and unable to grow.
I try to create and maintain healthy boundaries, but I refuse to allow past situations to continue to victimize me in my presnt and future by causing me to erect boundaries that keep the right people from getting close...or keep me so locked in bitterness that I am unable to grow and become.
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There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Houston.
Either the United States will destroy ignorance, or ignorance will destroy the United States. – W.E.B. DuBois
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