Obvious disconnect going on here.
I appreciate the input my elders have in my life, but that doesn't mean I'm required to submit to every whim and suggestion. My mother is one of the best Christians I know--or will probably ever know for that matter--but we disagree on certain issues. I respect her opinions, and I don't waste any time trying to convince her that I'm right. Nor does she waste anytime trying to convince me that she's right.
SOME issues are between a person and God, and thankfully the elders in my life are wise enough to see that. It wasn't always so....
My father, on the other hand, couldn't stand to be contradicted. Unless he was just in the mood to argue. And then, if I made a terribly good point, he would fall back on the "I'm your father, you must respect me", or "I'm your pastor, you must respect me", and the conversation was over. (I wouldn't push the conversation past that--what would have been the point?)
My previous pastor was not to be questioned, Period. It didn't matter what was said, his word was law and gospel. And I didn't question him. When it got to be more than I could take, (and when I finally bore the brunt of his character--it "hit home", so to speak), we just left. I still feel major guilt for not standing up for other people he hurt. I didn't even blink an eye until the pain hit my house.
The way I got past that was NOT by submitting to the elder, the pastor. We had to leave, to relocate, to get out of that environment completely, before I could shake it off, clear my head, and remember who my God was. Not man, that's for sure.
I am NOT bitter, but I don't embrace some rose-colored idea that if I were to return things would be any different. Forgiving people doesn't mean you have to put yourself back in harm's way, OR that you have to place yourself under the authority of a tyrant.
I don't agree with PO that we can't choose where we attend church. I think that is over-spiritualizing the concept of assembling together with other believers. Going to church is a simple act of meeting with like minded people to worship God and be taught the Word. Now, for those in
leadership, it may take on a more complex dynamic, but I do not buy into the idea that we can't attend a different assembly without a personal directive from God. If my husband gets a job in a new city, and we relocate, I'm going to follow my husband, and we will find a new assembly in the new city. It isn't as complex as asking God to reveal to me first whether it's His will. I assume that He is leading my husband, and I follow my husband as He follows Christ--and cares for his family.
Now, that's not to say that we don't pray over major decisions, because we do. But I dislike the idea that people are limited to one single church until God tells them to move. A church, at least as a colloquialism, is just a group of people gathered for a single purpose, and there are lots of places to gather--as there should be.
Sister Falla, It seems by your response that you feel disrespected, or at least your life experiences might have been written off as null and void. I don't think that's what ILG meant at all. I think when you make sweeping statements, though, you are bound to hit someone with that broad brush, and it can be painful for those who feel they don't deserve the paint job.
It IS unfair to expect no one to contradict or question your point of view, because no doubt their experiences have been different. I have difficulty believing some people's experiences, because it hasn't been mine, but when I look them in the eye and see real pain barely concealed, and naivete that is lost forever, I can't deny the truth of their experiences. Nor can I be so trite as to label them "bitter" simply because it isn't entirely behind them.
The other day my mother and older sister were talking about family history, and upon comparing dates they realized it was only about an 8-year span in their life that my father was truly a drunken, drug addicted, abusive, mean man. 8 years is actually a long time, but over the years, it had felt like a much longer time, so great was the negative affect on their lives. My sister is in her 50's, and she STILL deals with the pain he caused. My mother still avoids talking about those years, and with a little sweep of her hand, she'll move on to more positive topics, and say something along the lines of, "Well, your Daddy was a sinner then."
I even dealt with some of the aftermath, because the personality that lends itself to addiction still remained to a degree even after he was saved. I won't go into details, but even though I knew my father loved me, and that he loved my mother, and that deep down he wanted the best for us, there were times when he caused me great emotional pain--and HE was my
elder. Obedience was required when I was growing up, but when I became an adult, I put a clear boundary between his inconsistencies and how I wanted to approach my relationship with God. I didn't disrespect him, but I also didn't continue obeying him in areas in which I felt he was in error.
So, I guess I rambled along to say--our elders ARE very valuable to us. And we are to respect them and love them. But to be blind to their faults and obey someone who instructs us in a crooked path is dangerous. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a [wo]man, I put away childish things. Blind obedience is childish. And foolish.
Acts 17:11 These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that
they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.
And what do you think would be the result, if the words were received, and the scriptures were searched, and those things were found NOT to be so?
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