Stay-at-Home Daughters?

[Orthodoxy]

So many of the single girls my age in the Apostolic church I attend are very independent and career-oriented....as opposed to family-oriented. (I was almost afraid to write this sentence for fear of being called a sexist.)

So, as a young guy, it's always interesting and refreshing to hear of young women who are not afraid to be different and challenge the norm.

This is a really interesting (and, I'm sure really controversial) blog:

http://joyfullyathome.blogspot.com/

It is written by a 19-year-old stay-at-home daughter named Jasmine Baucham, a conservative Baptist....(and, yes, her father is the well-known Baptist preacher Voddie Baucham). She covers topics such as feminism, gender roles, home schooling, etc. She's an excellent writer and seems very intelligent beyond her age. The blog is female-oriented, but some of the topics would be of interest to anyone.

Some of her blog posts include:

- Family Dynamics and the Adult Daughter
- Independence and Daughterhood
- Is It a Sin to Work Outside the Home?
- Should Young Women Go to College?
- The Plight of the Stay-at-Home Daughter
- Ten Reasons I Don't Want to Be VP When I "Grow Up" (http://joyfullyathome.blogspot.com/2...-to-be-vp.html)

As Apostolics, what do you all think about this blog? Is homemaking becoming outdated?

[MissBrattified]

I don't have time to read and review the blog right now, but it sounds very interesting.

Off the top of my head, as a stay at home Mom & homeschooler, I want several things for our daughters:

1. I want them to have all the tools necessary to survive in life, including whether they are single or married.

2. Women need to be educated, and it's good for them to have a developed skill that they can use to support themselves if necessary.

3. I want them to place a top priority on what God wants from their life, above and beyond being successful by a secular measure. The Word gives us fairly good ideas on what He expects in general, but I do believe He uses women outside of the norm from time to time, as illustrated in the Bible.

Ultimately, Proverbs 31 is the best reference, IMO. We see a woman who puts her family first, who keeps her home, whose children call her blessed, who makes business decisions--even independent of her husband's supervision, who dresses nice, sees to it that her children are well clothed, too, runs her own business on the side, gives to charity, and above all she is devoted to the Lord. Sounds like a well rounded, skilled, respected, philanthropic, trustworthy woman of character who has her priorities in order.

For a woman: God first. Family second. All other pursuits, within the boundaries of God's Word, are free to follow.

Just a sidenote - our 14 year old daughter just started working her first "job" at the stables where she takes riding lessons. She was given the option to work once a week for money or lessons, and she has chosen to work in exchange for lessons. I want our children, both male and female, to learn the value of hard work, and to also understand the value of family. My daughter doesn't need to "stay at home"--that is a role she will take on when she gets married, and especially when she decides to have children.

[Pragmatist]

Homemaking is not outdated. When my daughter was born, I stayed home with her. Then a year ago, my DH lost his job and has yet to find another one. I went back to work part time, and it is how we've survived.

I think mothers should be home with their children, but I also think they should go to college, and get work experience before having children. If something happens, it's a lot more difficult to go to school when you're broke with 4 kids.

[Hoovie]

Originally Posted by Pragmatist

Homemaking is not outdated. When my daughter was born, I stayed home with her. Then a year ago, my DH lost his job and has yet to find another one. I went back to work part time, and it is how we've survived.

I think mothers should be home with their children, but I also think they should go to college, and get work experience before having children. If something happens, it's a lot more difficult to go to school when you're broke with 4 kids.

I agree with this. This does make it somewhat difficult for the young ladies - with a dual expectation of sorts. They deserve our utmost support as parents, and from their husbands/future husbands.

Also, it should be noted, that "being home" need not mean otherwise unemployed. There are some jobs that can be accomplished at home. America has millions of small cottage businesses that provide everything from a few extra dollars to full-time gainful employment.

[nahkoe]

Originally Posted by Pragmatist

Homemaking is not outdated. When my daughter was born, I stayed home with her. Then a year ago, my DH lost his job and has yet to find another one. I went back to work part time, and it is how we've survived.

I think mothers should be home with their children, but I also think they should go to college, and get work experience before having children. If something happens, it's a lot more difficult to go to school when you're broke with 4 kids.

Well spoken. lol

I was a stay at home mom for 8 years. And then I had to do something..I'm currently in school full time, work full time, and full time single parent 4 precious children.

I do not for one second regret staying home with my children, to be honest I miss it desperately. But life has handed me what it has, and I'm doing what I have to in order to support them now. I wish I had had a college education to fall back on before I needed it. My children, boys and girl, know that they *will* be earning a college education, and they know far too well why this is so important.

[nahkoe]

Originally Posted by Hoovie

I agree with this. This does make it difficult for the young ladies - with a dual expectation of sorts. They deserve our utmost support as parants and from their husbands/future husbands.

Also, it should be noted, that "being home" need not mean otherwise unemployed. There are some jobs that can be accomplished at home. America has millions of small cottage businesses that provide everything from a few extra dollars to full-time gainful employment.

Yep! I had my own business while I was at home with the kids. But it wasn't enough to support us and it's hard to manage a business when finances and living situations are unstable.

[Mary Poppins]

Originally Posted by Orthodoxy

It is written by a 19-year-old stay-at-home daughter

19 is pretty young and I'd expect most to still be at home or near it. I lived with my parents until I was 23. At 19 I was in a much different mindset and maturity.

I always thought I'd be married at age 18, 20 at the latest, and have lots of kids. My goal in life was always to be a wife and mom. I'd love nothing more than to be a stay-at-home mom and homeschool the kids. I figured since I wasn't planning on being in the working world for long that if I went to college I wouldn't work/earn long enough to justify the cost, so I went directly to work after highschool with the goal of socking the money away so when I got married I'd have a nest egg rather than student loans

Now, I'm 26 and single - and I wish so very badly that I had gone to college and got it over with years ago and that someone had told me not to be so marriage and family focused. My housekeeping abilities that I spent all my focus on developing in my teens has gotten me no where. I eat wonderful meals in a beautiful apartment, alone. While I know plenty who can't boil water or turn on a vacuum that have meaningful relationships, families and career prospects.

Also, guys these days aren't expected or prepared to be the sole income earner. So even when Mr Better-Late-Than-Never Right shows up, I may still need to work. I've always been blessed with great jobs and I have an excellent one now (making more than some of my college educated peers), but if I'd gone to college I could have built a career and also if I ever do have the kids and stay home and then need to go back to the work world, it would be easier to go back. I'm looking into going back to school now... but even though I'm still relatively young its daunting to think of starting something now that I won't finish until I'm 30 - and THEN I'll start a career that others my age will have been at for years.

So, I'm independent and career-oriented but not by choice. Growing up I was focused on my family and nurturing others, which was great, I think I'm a wonderful person for it... but now that its just me and knowing what I know now... well I wish I'd spent more time on me, focused less on new recipes and more on developing traits and skills that would go somewhere

[Orthodoxy]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

My daughter doesn't need to "stay at home"--that is a role she will take on when she gets married, and especially when she decides to have children.

Well, Jasmine is not unemployed either...she just works from home. She says she is working as a research assistant for her father, who is a Christian author. She also managed his entire online bookstore before it grew to large for her to handle alone.

She is in fact earning a Bachelor's in English college degree via distance learning, but says it's not for for every young woman....just depends on the particular situation.

[Mary Poppins]

as I'm reading this blog - she sounds almost exactly like me at 19. Family business, happy in the home cocoon. Also, I did attend some community college but it was never the focus or goal so I never finished a degree program.

I hope for her sake life doesn't throw her any curveballs and she can go fluidly from dad's house to husband.


edited to say that I hope I don't sound depressing in that last post LOL I am VERY glad I did not get married at 18 - the experiences and growth I've had are invaluable and I don't know that I would trade it.

[missourimary]

I would have loved to be a stay at home mom. I've never married, and am glad for the education and life experience that I have received. Even if I'd gotten married much younger, my children would have benefited from my education, I would have the satisfaction of accomplishing some goals, and I would have the life experiences I gained in college-I matured a lot in that four years.

I'd still like to be a stay at home mom someday. And my sister has a masters and stays at home. But I'm glad I wasn't a stay at home daughter. My parents' house wasn't big enough for a stay at home mom and a stay at home daughter, for starters!

Mary Poppins, please be assured that many people nearing 30 change career channels, and I think that may be even more true in the coming years with the economic hardships we are experiencing. Some never had an opportunity to go to college, and some made poor decisions in college. Others got into the workforce and decided they prefered a different career path, or their companies asked them to go back for additional training. Don't let your age stop you from going to school if you want to. You'll find there are many people that are doing the same thing.