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02-17-2010, 05:45 PM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 2
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Emotional Adultery
I've read AFF for several months and come now with a question to help my friend.
The friend and her husband are both Christians, UPC backgrounds. My friend's husband left his e-mail page open and she noticed several e-mails from him and another person, and read them. Turned out, the person was an ex-girlfriend of her husband's (one he had slept with). The ex-girlfriend had joined a group called "Classmates" because the reunion of their graduating class was coming up, and she saw my friend's husband was a member and contacted him.
Several e-mails went back and forth between my friend's husband and his ex-girlfriend. In one of the e-mails, my friend's husband said to his ex-girlfriend that she had been remarkable when he knew her, and felt she was probably even more amazing today. My friend talked about this with her husband, and he tried to downplay it, and said she was over-reacting.
Long story short, they've been talking about this entire situation. My friend feels her husband shouldn't stay in touch with this woman, or with other ex-girlfriends. She feels it's borderline emotional adultery. Her husband says he doesn't see any harm in it.
She wants to know why a man (especially one who is a Christian) would stay in touch with a former girlfriend (especially one he slept with). She is also wondering how other husbands and wives feel about this?
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02-17-2010, 06:10 PM
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Love God, Love Your Neighbor
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 7,363
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Re: Emotional Adultery
I would be very upset if my husband continued the correspondence. I would be upset about what had already been said.
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02-17-2010, 06:23 PM
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mary
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,002
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Re: Emotional Adultery
I've never been married, but I would quite possibly be upset too. Even more, if my husband knew something upset me and wouldn't stop, I would feel he didn't love me as a husband ought (as his own body). Eph 5:28-33
Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
__________________
What we make of the Bible will never be as great a thing as what the Bible will - if we let it - make of us.~Rich Mullins
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.~Galileo Galilei
Last edited by missourimary; 02-17-2010 at 06:25 PM.
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02-17-2010, 06:24 PM
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Administrator
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 6,501
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Re: Emotional Adultery
If the wife is uncomfortable with the situation, the husband should be willing to cut off communication with the ex-girlfriend. If he's not willing to stop the communication, the wife has her answer as to which relationship means more to her husband-- and should act accordingly. JMHO.
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02-17-2010, 06:26 PM
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the ultracon
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: smack dab in da middle
Posts: 4,443
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Re: Emotional Adultery
Without knowing the context of the e-mail exchanges it would be hard to know what transpired between the two former lovers/classmates.
I can't see how this could be a good situation, no matter how you paint it.
__________________
God has lavished his love upon me.
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02-17-2010, 06:34 PM
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Sister Alvear
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Brazil, SA
Posts: 27,042
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Re: Emotional Adultery
Emotions... many times cause us to err in any given field...I would have to know more to comment but it could lead to something serious...it depends on many things...
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02-17-2010, 06:48 PM
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Go Dodgers!
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 45,794
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Re: Emotional Adultery
Quote:
Originally Posted by DRichards
I've read AFF for several months and come now with a question to help my friend.
The friend and her husband are both Christians, UPC backgrounds. My friend's husband left his e-mail page open and she noticed several e-mails from him and another person, and read them. Turned out, the person was an ex-girlfriend of her husband's (one he had slept with). The ex-girlfriend had joined a group called "Classmates" because the reunion of their graduating class was coming up, and she saw my friend's husband was a member and contacted him.
Several e-mails went back and forth between my friend's husband and his ex-girlfriend. In one of the e-mails, my friend's husband said to his ex-girlfriend that she had been remarkable when he knew her, and felt she was probably even more amazing today. My friend talked about this with her husband, and he tried to downplay it, and said she was over-reacting.
Long story short, they've been talking about this entire situation. My friend feels her husband shouldn't stay in touch with this woman, or with other ex-girlfriends. She feels it's borderline emotional adultery. Her husband says he doesn't see any harm in it.
She wants to know why a man (especially one who is a Christian) would stay in touch with a former girlfriend (especially one he slept with). She is also wondering how other husbands and wives feel about this?
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How did he get married and not know women very well? He needs to cut it off. Nip it at the bud now
__________________
Let it be understood that Apostolic Friends Forum is an Apostolic Forum.
Apostolic is defined on AFF as:
- There is One God. This one God reveals Himself distinctly as Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
- The Son is God himself in a human form or "God manifested in the flesh" (1Tim 3:16)
- Every sinner must repent of their sins.
- That Jesus name baptism is the only biblical mode of water baptism.
- That the Holy Ghost is for today and is received by faith with the initial evidence of speaking in tongues.
- The saint will go on to strive to live a holy life, pleasing to God.
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02-17-2010, 06:49 PM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: AZ
Posts: 16,746
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Re: Emotional Adultery
We really don't know the content of the emails. I myself have talked 3 or 4 times over the past year and a half (on Facebook via emails) with my "ex". However I have NOT added her as a friend AND have told my wife about the few times we DID exchange messages. Also, the emails were very short (not 2 - 4 pages detailing everything that has happened since we last met).
We ended the relationship, many years ago, as good friends (which is rare when dating).
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02-17-2010, 07:02 PM
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"It's Never Too Late"
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 4,415
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Re: Emotional Adultery
Quote:
Originally Posted by DRichards
I've read AFF for several months and come now with a question to help my friend.
The friend and her husband are both Christians, UPC backgrounds. My friend's husband left his e-mail page open and she noticed several e-mails from him and another person, and read them. Turned out, the person was an ex-girlfriend of her husband's (one he had slept with). The ex-girlfriend had joined a group called "Classmates" because the reunion of their graduating class was coming up, and she saw my friend's husband was a member and contacted him.
Several e-mails went back and forth between my friend's husband and his ex-girlfriend. In one of the e-mails, my friend's husband said to his ex-girlfriend that she had been remarkable when he knew her, and felt she was probably even more amazing today. My friend talked about this with her husband, and he tried to downplay it, and said she was over-reacting.
Long story short, they've been talking about this entire situation. My friend feels her husband shouldn't stay in touch with this woman, or with other ex-girlfriends. She feels it's borderline emotional adultery. Her husband says he doesn't see any harm in it.
She wants to know why a man (especially one who is a Christian) would stay in touch with a former girlfriend (especially one he slept with). She is also wondering how other husbands and wives feel about this?
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To me it has never been about innocence or wrong doing. We have to protect our relationships with the person we made a vow. It is the appearance of wrong doing that we protect our relationships. We also do not know the heart or the motive of the person we are talking or engaging. Protecting my private and personal relationship with my wife is the foundation that everything else has been built.
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02-17-2010, 08:39 PM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,749
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Re: Emotional Adultery
The guy is opening the door for trouble.Flirting online can lead to more.
__________________
His banner over me is LOVE....  My soul followeth hard after thee....Love one another with a pure heart fervently. Jesus saith unto her, Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God?
To be a servant of God, it will cost us our total commitment to God, and God alone. His burden must be our burden... Sis Alvear
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