Even your non-Apostolic believe in Pastoral Authority. Do I agree that some may take it to far? Yes. Every major Denomination has had Pastors that have abused their authority. But the bible does talk about it.
Hebrews 13:17, ”Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.”
1 Peter 5:2, “Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind”
Even the Baptist are seriously looking at Pastoral Authority, and not the "Mob Rule" mentality. The Pastor and Church leadership needs to be in sync with each other. From my experience, most of your very conservative apostolic are not only Pastor lead, but usually the church board is in sync with the pastors views.
As for your views about Pastors preaching to other mens wives and daughters about dress. I can only reply with scripture. I think only 1 is really needed.
"Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing;..."
II Cor. 6:17
However to expand that the Apostles preached to other mens wives.
1Tim 2:9 - "In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;"
1 Pet 3:3 - “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel…”
Do I agree that people can be come very legalistic? Yes. I am a total believer of inward before outward.