Left the UPC...Now Back Again - Page 2

RandyWayne · #11 07-24-2013, 11:37 PM

....although I could never ever go back. We even decided to visit a local UPC once but opted out at the last minute.
I told my wife they would be ULTRA friendly, which is something we've been craving, but after 1-2 months the smirking and back talking will begin regarding her non-dress wearing ways as well as keeping her current hair cut.

RandyWayne · #12 07-24-2013, 11:40 PM

If we DID go back, I told her it would have to be to an extreme UC church, for the sole purpose of having a wee bit of fun with the pastor before leaving.

Jason B · #13 07-24-2013, 11:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mirth1981

Well, I'm not sure if many of you will remember my story. I left the UPC in 2010. Married to a UPC minister (he was at the time, not now)...broke his heart when I left, etc., etc...I did a lot of research and personal Bible study around the time I left, because I'd always had a nagging suspicion that some of the UPC doctrines I'd been taught did not have a strong biblical basis, mostly those concerning "standards"....but also some of the bigger ones.

He ended up leaving eventually also, and letting his license go. I suspect in large part because of the strain on our marriage (yes, we came close to divorce), but also for other reasons as well.

Anyway, my husband and I recently moved to a different state. We both agreed before moving that we wanted a fresh start spiritually, and we both wanted to find a church that we could attend together and find some spiritual healing. We both felt (and still feel) hurt and broken...wounded, confused.

So we went "church shopping." That sounds horrible, but I guess that's what some people call it. We searched for non denom churches that allowed God's spirit to move in their services. We prayed for God to show us where he wanted us to be. Yet we never felt that nudge or confirmation in those churches, although I did enjoy some of the teaching. In the meantime, old friends of my husband's kept inviting us to their UPC church. Finally we visited...and after several visits we both agreed to stay a while.

So now here we are. Attending a UPC church again...together. I guess it's a compromise. I can't say that I've changed my mind regarding the doctrines I disagree with. That probably won't happen. The pastor seems like a balanced man, and he and his family seem like quality people. It seems like a balanced church so far.

Yet I can't help but feel like I'm taking a step backwards. I also fear that things are going to come right back around and history is going to repeat itself, and I don't want to go through that again. It was an extremely painful process. I'm not sure what the purpose of all this is.

Anybody out there that has had a similar experience or could offer any input?

I don't think you've made the wrong decision, ultimately you need to be in church you can feel comfortable and grow in, even if you don't agree with everything. I started athread on here about considering going back to a UPC church (I think as of today it is on todays posts, and also accessable in the fellowship hall). Its not that I agree with the UPC in everyway, but just that I still find more common ground with the UPC than pretty much any other church. I've tried a few churches, and ultimately settled in a Bible church.

So far that's where I still am, but largely because I'm the preacher there now, so I don't want to leave, nor do I see the need to leave while that is the arrangement. But I'm sure my doctrinal disagreements are greater than yours with the UPC (if your problems are primarily standards related) yet I still feel I could exist in a UPC church better than probably any other confessedly trinitarian church. In short, I understand your mixed feelings, but my advice is, keep up your studies, live for Jesus not the church, and be a blessing to the church.

Jason B · #14 07-25-2013, 12:04 AM

PS, I wouldn't put a lot of stock into the opinions of others, especially the negative ones. Some people have left the UPC and grown in teir walk with God (proof there is salvation outside of UPC/oneness pentecostalism). But other have left, and despite claims to still be christians find themselves on the proverbial slippery slope (and many don't even realize it). Many of these people don't even believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God, they are swayed by gay theology, don't see a problem with many of the pollutions of the world, openly use profanity, and are obviously on a broad road. Beware of people who will mock you or pity you. They ought to look in the mirror and consider their own selves and how far they've shifted to the left, and pity themselves.

RandyWayne · #15 07-25-2013, 12:27 AM

Of course one must have a certain sense of humor if one decides to go back.

Happy happy happy.

Sister Alvear · #16 07-25-2013, 08:35 AM

I would just like to say I am praying for you as you walk through a deep valley where many voices and opinions call. Salvation is a personal matter and something we must settle in our hearts. However I doubt if there is any church that each one of us attends that we agree 100 % on everything that is taught. I personally am a missionary and there are things I abide by that really would not be a sin for me but could be a sin or hinder others. So it might be called making a tiny sacrifice to help my weaker brothers and sisters. Lots of things are not sins but can be weights that hinder us or tie us down. Examine your life and ask God which I am sure you are doing for His direction. Whatever you do guard against bitterness and remember who taught us most taught in all sincerety. I do believe the Bible is clear on the plan of salvation and coming out and being a seperate people. Remember no church and no people are perfect. I know a few who seem to think they are but they are not...we are all just people who are in great need of God's grace and His help.
Pray much and lean not to the opinion of others...Read often God's word..I know I am telling you things you already know however that is the "missionary" in me!
Above all remember HE leads and guides...sometimes we just don't have enough "brains" to work everything out on our own...God is standing near and will help.

odooley6985 · #17 07-25-2013, 09:22 AM

Its so sad that standards are tripping people of from attending a bible believing church. Standards of dress arent biblical and shouldnt be considered doctrine.

ILG · #18 07-25-2013, 09:32 AM

My opinion is that maybe you are there for a reason. Maybe your husband has things to work out that you don't. I remember when we were leaving and my daughter started attending a UPC church. She did this a couple different times...going and leaving. I held my breath both times but did not criticize. I tried to support her. She has talked to me about these times really helping her in her decision to leave for good as she was able to listen to the sermons more objectively. I think you should consider your husband and your marriage. Since it put so much strain on....maybe just explain to him you are going because he wants to (or whatever the reason is) and just be honest but not critical or argumentative. There's my best advice. I pray things work out for you in the long run. We don't have to be everything today.

SOUNWORTHY · #19 07-25-2013, 09:43 AM

I left UPC and turned in my license 22 years ago after holding them for 25 years. When I did I wrote a letter to headquarters and the powers that be, thanking them for allowing me the privilege of being part of a great organization. I was not unhappy with UPC because UPC is just a group of people. Of course I had been hurt by some of those people but I still loved them. (Jesus was hurt by those He loved, even his closest followers) I did not agree with everything UPC said in their rules but since I was part of the organization I did abide by those rules just as I obeyed the rules of the military as long as I was part of the military.

I did not always agree with my folks rules when I was under their roof but I did obey them. I did not always agree with my supervisors when I worked but I followed the rules they made. I have been married three times in the past 60 years and did not agree with everything my wives liked or disliked any more than they always agreed with me but we as any married couples agreed to disagree because we loved each other.

I have never been divorced and I know there are sometimes reasons for divorce but one of the most disgusting thing to me is the husband or wife who after a divorce bad moths their former mate to anyone who will listen and sometimes to those who doesn't want to listen.

It is just as disgusting to hear someone run down the organization they belonged too, the employer they worked for or the church and pastor where they attended . Just walk away and forget it, if you can't say something good just don't say anything.

I am back in a UPC church now and have been since early 2007 and am happy about it even though there are still things I don't always agree with.

I visited UPC headquarters a couple months ago and was welcomed like a long lost friend. I'm glad I did not destroy that friendship when I walked away 22 years ago.

I said all that to say this, If you enjoy the pastor and people or most of the people in a UPC church that is where you need to be.

Mirth1981 · #20 07-25-2013, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jason Badejo

I don't think you've made the wrong decision, ultimately you need to be in church you can feel comfortable and grow in, even if you don't agree with everything. I started athread on here about considering going back to a UPC church (I think as of today it is on todays posts, and also accessable in the fellowship hall). Its not that I agree with the UPC in everyway, but just that I still find more common ground with the UPC than pretty much any other church. I've tried a few churches, and ultimately settled in a Bible church.

So far that's where I still am, but largely because I'm the preacher there now, so I don't want to leave, nor do I see the need to leave while that is the arrangement. But I'm sure my doctrinal disagreements are greater than yours with the UPC (if your problems are primarily standards related) yet I still feel I could exist in a UPC church better than probably any other confessedly trinitarian church. In short, I understand your mixed feelings, but my advice is, keep up your studies, live for Jesus not the church, and be a blessing to the church.

I think I've come to the realization that no matter what church I attend there will be doctrinal issues that I won't agree with. I also still feel that common ground with the UPC, but it's kind of a love/hate relationship, if that makes any sense.