Words that bring healing...

[Barb]

Originally Posted by tamor

Great post, Barb.


I have "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, which is geared toward expressing commitment to your mate. I have had this one for years. It is a great book too. I have never read the one for children, but I'm sure it is written along the same lines. You can take these love languages and apply them to anyone in your life and see change.

Thank you, tam...this thread was bumped yesterday before I heard the news report last night and this morning of the well-known actor's angry voice mail to his 11 year old daughter.

On the Today Show this morning, there was discussion that perhaps reaction to this incident is gender based...reportedly most men don't see a problem with what he had to say or the manner in which it was spoken, and most men think because of the nature of the divorce and custody battles, he was justified.

I don't know if it's a gender problem, however, hearing the voice mail several times now, I can say a number of things regarding this...

First, the battle is with the momma...not the child.

Second, even if the child is rude, is calling her a pig twice in the conversation a way of assuring a bahavorial change?!

Third, is parental exasperation an excuse for screaming and cussing in a phone message to an 11 year old?!

Fourth, what effect might the words "rude pig" have on the emotional development of an already troubled and hurting young woman?!

Surely a parent...anyone really, should be able to make a call and not fear it being broadcast on the World Wide Web, however, shouldn't one also be conscious of the fact that angry words spoken in haste cannot be retrieved?!

We can apologize and rationalize and try to make amends, and forgiveness is truly in order when asked for. But the emotional scars that can come from an outburst of uncontrolled anger or arrogance is hard to deal with sometimes.

IMHO, parental discipline is one thing, but screaming and name calling is not discipline...when does it cross a line and become abuse?!

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by Barb

Thank you, tam...this thread was bumped yesterday before I heard the news report last night and this morning of the well-known actor's angry voice mail to his 11 year old daughter.

On the Today Show this morning, there was discussion that perhaps reaction to this incident is gender based...reportedly most men don't see a problem with what he had to say or the manner in which it was spoken, and most men think because of the nature of the divorce and custody battles, he was justified.

I don't know if it's a gender problem, however, hearing the voice mail several times now, I can say a number of things regarding this...

First, the battle is with the momma...not the child.

Second, even if the child is rude, is calling her a pig twice in the conversation a way of assuring a bahavorial change?!

Third, is parental exasperation an excuse for screaming and cussing in a phone message to an 11 year old?!

Fourth, what effect might the words "rude pig" have on the emotional development of an already troubled and hurting young woman?!

Surely a parent...anyone really, should be able to make a call and not fear it being broadcast on the World Wide Web, however, shouldn't one also be conscious of the fact that angry words spoken in haste cannot be retrieved?!

We can apologize and rationalize and try to make amends, and forgiveness is truly in order when asked for. But the emotional scars that can come from an outburst of uncontrolled anger or arrogance is hard to deal with sometimes.

IMHO, parental discipline is one thing, but screaming and name calling is not discipline...when does it cross a line and become abuse?!

Divorce is a nasty thing...and there are more people than not who put their children in the middle and reek vengeance on the spouse through use and manipulation of the children. This begins a dysfunction that is continued generationally and the effects far-reaching, and detrimental to the well-being of all, primarily the children involved.

Blessings, Rhoni

[rgcraig]

I have to wonder too what brought this all on. It doesn't excuse his actions at all, but it would be interesting to hear what message she left him.

I think it's inexcuseable that the mom allowed the message to be public knowledge - it just goes to show how bitter this divorce has been. She's just as guilty in this to me as the dad for allowing that to be heard by the world.

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

I have to wonder too what brought this all on. It doesn't excuse his actions at all, but it would be interesting to hear what message she left him.

I think it's inexcuseable that the mom allowed the message to be public knowledge - it just goes to show how bitter this divorce has been. She's just as guilty in this to me as the dad for allowing that to be heard by the world.

Again, mom thought she was getting even with Dad, but all it did was bring heartache to the child. This is sad.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

Again, mom thought she was getting even with Dad, but all it did was bring heartache to the child. This is sad.

Exactly. It's so sad to see them both use her in this way. I would venture to say that little girl is probably one spoiled child - like I said, it doesn't excuse his actions, but I've heard some pretty mouthy 11 year olds too.

[Barb]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

Divorce is a nasty thing...and there are more people than not who put their children in the middle and reek vengeance on the spouse through use and manipulation of the children. This begins a dysfunction that is continued generationally and the effects far-reaching, and detrimental to the well-being of all, primarily the children involved.

Blessings, Rhoni

This is true...

The thing to remember is we can control our words and reactions to the actions of another.

People who are out of control and then justify it by saying, "You don't understand the custody issues here..." are not facing the fact of where the issue is, and it's not with a rude child. There are other ways to deal with that than leaving a message that you think your daughter is a pig.

IMO, taking frustrations out on an 11 year old young girl can have ramifications of a magnitude the angry father cannot fathom.

[Barb]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

I have to wonder too what brought this all on. It doesn't excuse his actions at all, but it would be interesting to hear what message she left him.

I think it's inexcuseable that the mom allowed the message to be public knowledge - it just goes to show how bitter this divorce has been. She's just as guilty in this to me as the dad for allowing that to be heard by the world.

Originally Posted by Rhoni

Again, mom thought she was getting even with Dad, but all it did was bring heartache to the child. This is sad.

I agree with you both...according to news reports, this has been an ongoing battle of wills since they were first married.

The tragedy is the girl, who probably is not innocent in this, but has to be in the middle of bitterness and idiocy.

[Barb]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Exactly. It's so sad to see them both use her in this way. I would venture to say that little girl is probably one spoiled child - like I said, it doesn't excuse his actions, but I've heard some pretty mouthy 11 year olds too.

This is true...

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Barb

I agree with you both...according to news reports, this has been an ongoing battle of wills since they were first married.

The tragedy is the girl, who probably is not innocent in this, but has to be in the middle of bitterness and idiocy.

Yes, that is the sadness in this.

[Barb]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Yes, that is the sadness in this.

Renda, I know I'm hungup on words, but here again is an example to ME to be ever conscious that words carry great weight and are not to be shot out of my mouth like a loose cannon without thought as to where they will land.

Heaven help me to remember...