It's Never Enough

[moniker]

My parents were the type of people that were the first ones to church, and the last to leave. They were in the Apostolic faith for several years. They raised their family in that way.

But when us kids became teenagers, my mom and dad started slipping in their commitment to the church and God. They eventually left the Apostolic faith and didn't go to church anywhere for many years.

I stayed in church even after my parents left. I never understood why they left it. I was angry at them over it. Years later, I finally got up the nerve and asked my parents why they made the choice to leave. They both said that they never felt saved. They felt like it didn't matter what they did, it was never enough.

It didn't matter if they were baptized, talked in tongues and tithed. It didn't matter if they were committed and faithful. They were always led to believe they needed to do more. They left the church because they got tired of feeling defeated. That they weren't good enough. That they were always just one little mistake away from death and Hell.

There was no joy in their lives.

For a long time I thought they said these things as an excuse to sin. But here I am, years later, and I feel the same way now they did back then.

It's never enough. No matter what I do, it's never enough. Someone is always standing by to tell me my service is not enough, my giving is not enough and the way I dress is not enough.

Someone is sizing up my kids to see if they measure up. Someone is judging my productivity. Someone is gauging my worship. And no matter how well I do, it's never enough.

There's no joy in this way.