A Fallen one who needs help

[fallen]

First off, I'm not looking for judgement. I'm going to be brutality honest here.
I'm 26, I have been going to a upci church since I was 6yrs old. Was in filled with the holy ghost and baptized in Jesus name at age 9. I know my bible, backwards and forwards... but I feel... I'm afraid, I'm to far fallen from God...

Drugs, alcohol, whatever, have never been my temptation. I've turned every possible temptation, again even something as porn. The Devil has used every trick... but my one folly is women. I may easily blow all that junk away, but when a woman comes around, she can get me to do that stuff... (I know you're already probably thinking, well it sounds like your dating "worldly girls") and yes truth be told, I am. I look and see Pentecostal girls as clones/fakes. A lot of time, a worldly person is going to be more "real" then a Christan, and its sad really.

the one bad thing I've noticed about pentecostal, we are the worst when it comes to judgement. We think, because we are "saved" it does make us better than the world. It bothers me that Pentecostal can't admit we are still human, we still have natural human instincts. We have urges, hungers, and cravings.

And I know I'm about to contradict myself right now but right now, I need that pentecostal fellowship. I know better, I'm tired of the outside world logic and view points.

I've had three sexual partners two were worldly women. The first was a married woman. the 2nd was an ex who was pentecostal, she shared the same ideals as me, the whole we are the worst at being judgmental. She was divorced with two kids, and my last ex, who went to a non denominational. Again divorced with a child... are we seeing a pattern yet? lol...Sigh idk..

idk what im looking for, just to talk or advice or just know if I've fallen to far out of God's Grace.

[Amanah]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwtcwQwgdsA

[RandyWayne]

fallan, I hear ya. I was probably much worse then you (unless your leaving out a whole lot that you don't care to share, in which case I don't blame you). I was not in the UPC as long as you but long enough to agree with most or all of what you've described.

I've never dated a single apostolic girl since A)there were none in my church I cared to and B)the ones that were even slightly attractive were all part of the "in" crowd who only hung around with preachers kids or were preachers kids. It was really no different than high school except with far more attitude since they were both socially popular AND the "only ones saved". A frightening combination!

I finally met and married a woman who was AoG her whole life. Has NEVER worn a "poof" to my knowledge!

As far as the sex goes, only after getting married to I realize how much I wish I hadn't done what I had done. Someone in your situation and mine will never listen to this advice. In fact, if I could go back in time and speak to myself 12 years ago, the younger me would not have listened. Some lessons can only be learned first hand.

[TGBTG]

Originally Posted by fallen

First off, I'm not looking for judgement. I'm going to be brutality honest here.
I'm 26, I have been going to a upci church since I was 6yrs old. Was in filled with the holy ghost and baptized in Jesus name at age 9. I know my bible, backwards and forwards... but I feel... I'm afraid, I'm to far fallen from God...

Drugs, alcohol, whatever, have never been my temptation. I've turned every possible temptation, again even something as porn. The Devil has used every trick... but my one folly is women. I may easily blow all that junk away, but when a woman comes around, she can get me to do that stuff... (I know you're already probably thinking, well it sounds like your dating "worldly girls") and yes truth be told, I am. I look and see Pentecostal girls as clones/fakes. A lot of time, a worldly person is going to be more "real" then a Christan, and its sad really.

the one bad thing I've noticed about pentecostal, we are the worst when it comes to judgement. We think, because we are "saved" it does make us better than the world. It bothers me that Pentecostal can't admit we are still human, we still have natural human instincts. We have urges, hungers, and cravings.

And I know I'm about to contradict myself right now but right now, I need that pentecostal fellowship. I know better, I'm tired of the outside world logic and view points.

I've had three sexual partners two were worldly women. The first was a married woman. the 2nd was an ex who was pentecostal, she shared the same ideals as me, the whole we are the worst at being judgmental. She was divorced with two kids, and my last ex, who went to a non denominational. Again divorced with a child... are we seeing a pattern yet? lol...Sigh idk..

idk what im looking for, just to talk or advice or just know if I've fallen to far out of God's Grace.

Brother, first thing to know is that YOU HAVE NOT FALLEN OUT OF GOD'S GRACE.

The devil brings condemnation to us, but Jesus Christ did not come to condemn us. He came that believing on him, we might have abundant life.

I believe the reason why you are asking for help is because the Spirit is drawing you. It shows God has not given up on you.

One of the mistakes we humans make is that we wanna to fix ourselves and then come back to God. However, God wants us to come as we are...

What you should do is just get a time and place where you are alone with God. Pour out your heart to Him. Acknowledge your sin before him. Ask him to forgive you of your wrong doings. He is willing and able to forgive you. After doing this, believe that God has forgiven you based on his Word (1 John 1:9). The devil will wanna tell you that God has not forgiven you...

Trust me bro, I have been there wherein I was at rock bottom and I thought I had drifted too far from God, but that is exactly where God wants us to be so that we can utterly depend on him for everything.

Don't feel condemned. Remember the story of the Samarian woman (John 4)? She had 5 husbands and the one she was living with not even her husband...

The other woman (John 8) was caught in the act of adultery. Yet Jesus said "Go and sin no more". That's what he's still saying to you, bro.

Go and sin no more. After asking God for forgiveness, you would have to cut off any ungodly relationships to be free from fornication. One of the reasons we fall to fornication is because we still see the people we engaged in it with.

For now, you would have to cut off those relationships to prevent temptation. Also, let those you were involved know that your body is for Christ and that is why you cannot engage in such acts. Trust me, when you take a stand for Jesus, it becomes easier to walk away from the temptation.

Again, pray to God asking for his forgiveness. Ask him to cleanse you with his blood. Get back to filling your mind with the Word of God and God will be with you.

God bless...

[coadie]

It's no big deal. We have a church full of folks that came in that way. All the really nice people that didn't make mistakes ended up in the really good churches.

[Dedicated Mind]

I will never leave you or forsake you. Don't give up on God even if you are in the hot place. He may even redeem us from hell.

[fallen]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

fallan, I hear ya... Someone in your situation and mine will never listen to this advice. In fact, if I could go back in time and speak to myself 12 years ago, the younger me would not have listened. Some lessons can only be learned first hand.

I think you hit it spot on. I know that's exactly what would happened. And that's why... grr, I don't know what I'm looking for. I think as I previously stated. I'm done with looking at things from the "worlds" pov because they are about logic and reason. But My God, throws logic and reason out the window. They don't understand that We serve a God, that can turn gravity on its head, with just simple word.

My last ex, was all about that "hippie" love, God loves and accepts you no matter what you, even after you commit yourself to him. The World wants to be pat on the back, and be told, hey what your doing is okay, you can still do "sin" and God wont judge you. But, the world wants that selfish love, to be loved, but not love God the way we should be, by completely turning over and becoming that new "man".

Even her mother is "old school" and she would call her that. I'm done with hanging out with people, where I'm consider "old school".

Hey, Idk about you, but my bible says, my God, is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. That even means That Jesus, our God, is still that God, in the old Testament.... haha wow >< sorry... I just miss the UPC counsel and fellowship.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by fallen

First off, I'm not looking for judgement. I'm going to be brutality honest here.
I'm 26, I have been going to a upci church since I was 6yrs old. Was in filled with the holy ghost and baptized in Jesus name at age 9. I know my bible, backwards and forwards... but I feel... I'm afraid, I'm to far fallen from God...

Drugs, alcohol, whatever, have never been my temptation. I've turned every possible temptation, again even something as porn. The Devil has used every trick... but my one folly is women. I may easily blow all that junk away, but when a woman comes around, she can get me to do that stuff... (I know you're already probably thinking, well it sounds like your dating "worldly girls") and yes truth be told, I am. I look and see Pentecostal girls as clones/fakes. A lot of time, a worldly person is going to be more "real" then a Christan, and its sad really.

the one bad thing I've noticed about pentecostal, we are the worst when it comes to judgement. We think, because we are "saved" it does make us better than the world. It bothers me that Pentecostal can't admit we are still human, we still have natural human instincts. We have urges, hungers, and cravings.

And I know I'm about to contradict myself right now but right now, I need that pentecostal fellowship. I know better, I'm tired of the outside world logic and view points.

I've had three sexual partners two were worldly women. The first was a married woman. the 2nd was an ex who was pentecostal, she shared the same ideals as me, the whole we are the worst at being judgmental. She was divorced with two kids, and my last ex, who went to a non denominational. Again divorced with a child... are we seeing a pattern yet? lol...Sigh idk..

idk what im looking for, just to talk or advice or just know if I've fallen to far out of God's Grace.

Hey, no judgment coming from me. I've had my share of sin and I'm no better than you. But I do have a few questions. I'll start with only one though. These are VERY important and please be just as brutally honest. You'll loose nothing, and I'm not going to judge in any way.

First, and most importantly... Are you saved? I mean REALLY saved?

[Praxeas]

Originally Posted by fallen

First off, I'm not looking for judgement. I'm going to be brutality honest here.
I'm 26, I have been going to a upci church since I was 6yrs old. Was in filled with the holy ghost and baptized in Jesus name at age 9. I know my bible, backwards and forwards... but I feel... I'm afraid, I'm to far fallen from God...

Drugs, alcohol, whatever, have never been my temptation. I've turned every possible temptation, again even something as porn. The Devil has used every trick... but my one folly is women. I may easily blow all that junk away, but when a woman comes around, she can get me to do that stuff... (I know you're already probably thinking, well it sounds like your dating "worldly girls") and yes truth be told, I am. I look and see Pentecostal girls as clones/fakes. A lot of time, a worldly person is going to be more "real" then a Christan, and its sad really.

the one bad thing I've noticed about pentecostal, we are the worst when it comes to judgement. We think, because we are "saved" it does make us better than the world. It bothers me that Pentecostal can't admit we are still human, we still have natural human instincts. We have urges, hungers, and cravings.

And I know I'm about to contradict myself right now but right now, I need that pentecostal fellowship. I know better, I'm tired of the outside world logic and view points.

I've had three sexual partners two were worldly women. The first was a married woman. the 2nd was an ex who was pentecostal, she shared the same ideals as me, the whole we are the worst at being judgmental. She was divorced with two kids, and my last ex, who went to a non denominational. Again divorced with a child... are we seeing a pattern yet? lol...Sigh idk..

idk what im looking for, just to talk or advice or just know if I've fallen to far out of God's Grace.

You are not too far from God's grace. The fact you are here shows that. But you do need to turn to God, I mean, rely on Him to over come these things you deal with.

You should also pray and ask God to show you why this is a particular weakness for you other than just it being "the flesh".

[fallen]

Originally Posted by Aquila

First, and most importantly... Are you saved? I mean REALLY saved?

Yes, I've talked about the whole, "hippie" love thing. I didn't do the "sinner" prayer. I come from a church, where you get on your knees, not because your weak, but to become stronger.

For a whole year when I was 8 my family and church pray for me. When I turned 9, I was on my own, just praying, really praying to God. And I spoke in tongues, and the way I felt...wow. just wow.

I don't ever question, my love for God, I know what I feel is real. If your asking if I'm "backsiding" I really can't see. I have not yet turned my back on God, when people ask me about my God, I am not ashamed or hold my tongue. Yes, I get into arguments with God, I'm still human, I don't get his plans for me at times.

I know its me at times, saying Lord, I know this is the path, but for right now I'm going this way. I'm as stubborn as a bull. And a lot of times I know its my own fault.

my thing is, I'm afraid, when I reach that point, that God will turn a blind eye and make ignorant from the truth.

But do not question me about my faith and love about God. I know he's real, I know he's there.