HURT by the Church: How do I heal?

[berkeley]

http://www.prodigalsonmagazine.com/w...the_church.php

Question: "I have been burned and hurt by the church in the past. How can I overcome this and renew a passion for church and a desire to attend church?"

Answer: The pain caused by a church is a “silent killer.” This doesn’t mean that the words and events that “burned” and hurt your heart are not very ugly and public. It is a “silent killer” because of what it does deep in the fabric of the mind, heart, and soul of the wounded. If unchecked, it will destroy future happiness, joy, and well-being. The collateral damage always negatively affects the ministry and outreach of the church too, and some churches never recover. Recognize that the behavior which brought such devastation in your heart is not much different than the hurt any of us can encounter in the workplace, marketplace, or home. We just don’t expect God’s people to behave like those without Christ in their life. The church is the one place almost everyone agrees should be safe, accepting, forgiving, and free from conflict and pain. Yet, in most churches, at least some elements of strife, conflict, and hatred creep in and shatter that dream.

It happens more in some churches than others. The spiritual health of people in a church and the strength of leadership determine how prevalent and to what extent that divisive behavior can gain control. Out of control, it has the effect of a termite infiltration that slowly and surely decays the foundation of the spiritual life of a congregation.

For you, it is important to turn your focus away from the people involved and the church itself and with laser focus identify the root cause of your pain, turmoil, and disillusionment. Honestly identify what you are feeling. If you are like most, here are some possibilities: anger, sorrow, disappointment, rejection, hurt feelings, jealously, threatened, fear, rebellion, pride, feeling foolish, ashamed, embarrassed, blame, loss… Find out what is at the core of your hurt—not what someone said or did to you, but what is really causing your pain? Then search the scriptures to discover what God says about what is really hurting you. Take a Bible concordance and look up each word and read, think, pray, and apply the scripture reference. For example, you may think that you are angry when in reality you feel rejected. What does God say about rejection? He says, I will never leave you or forsake you [Hebrews 13:5]. I love you with an everlasting love [Jeremiah 31:3]. Lo, I am with you always [Matthew 28:20].

When you truly identify the root of your pain, God has a balm of wisdom, compassion, and love to generously apply healing to your wound(s). If you call on Him for this, your focus quickly becomes riveted on Him rather than to someone else, or dwelling and rehearsing the event over and over that caused you harm. Admittedly, you truly may be harmed, injured, or offended. You certainly feel it. Those are by-products of deeper more important realities that have derailed your passion for God, His church, and His purpose for your life. This has soured your taste, that if unattended, will lead to a root of bitterness that will negatively affect every fiber of your soul, and will rob you of any possibility of finding fulfillment in Christ. You do not want this to happen in your life.

How do we keep hurtful experiences from moving its destruction into the fiber of our soul? The book of wisdom from the Bible says we must, Above all else, guard your heart, for it will affect everything you do [Proverbs 4:23—New Living Translation]. We guard our heart by choosing the thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and actions we hold. Guard your heart in this situation by refusing to rehearse what happened over and over, from dwelling on the people who hurt you, and from laboring over the weaknesses of the church. This will take humility. God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble [James 4:6 & Proverbs 3:34]. It will take forgiving attitudes and actions [Matthew 18:22, Mark 11:27, Ephesians 4:32, and Colossians 3:13] with no hint of vengeance [Romans 12:19]. Mostly, it will take the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through you [Ephesians 3:16].

Don’t blame God for how His children behave. Don’t abandon the church either. There are always many more dedicated, grace-filled, loving, and forgiving people than not in most churches. Seek them out. Spend time with them. If you cannot find them, find another church (it is rare that you cannot find them even in the most difficult church environment). The church is God’s idea and He protects it profusely even though He is pained often by its behavior.

There is a strong warning throughout this answer that a wound of this kind, if unattended, will penetrate deep into the soul and destroy any chance of living an abundant life in Christ [John 10:10]. You can have hope because you are seeking healing. It is now up to you to do the right thing and turn your focus to the place, no, the Person, who will truly transform your life above and beyond this hurt in the following way.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?
Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life.
I’ll show you how to take a real rest.
Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.
--Jesus Christ, Matthew 11:28-30, The Message

Recommended Resource: Bring 'Em Back Alive: A Healing Plan for those Wounded by the Church by Dave Burchett.

Article Source... gotquestions.org

Originally Posted by Berkeley

http://www.prodigalsonmagazine.com/w...the_church.php

Question: "I have been burned and hurt by the church in the past. How can I overcome this and renew a passion for church and a desire to attend church?"

Answer: The pain caused by a church is a “silent killer.” This doesn’t mean that the words and events that “burned” and hurt your heart are not very ugly and public. It is a “silent killer” because of what it does deep in the fabric of the mind, heart, and soul of the wounded. If unchecked, it will destroy future happiness, joy, and well-being. The collateral damage always negatively affects the ministry and outreach of the church too, and some churches never recover. Recognize that the behavior which brought such devastation in your heart is not much different than the hurt any of us can encounter in the workplace, marketplace, or home. We just don’t expect God’s people to behave like those without Christ in their life. The church is the one place almost everyone agrees should be safe, accepting, forgiving, and free from conflict and pain. Yet, in most churches, at least some elements of strife, conflict, and hatred creep in and shatter that dream.

It happens more in some churches than others. The spiritual health of people in a church and the strength of leadership determine how prevalent and to what extent that divisive behavior can gain control. Out of control, it has the effect of a termite infiltration that slowly and surely decays the foundation of the spiritual life of a congregation.

For you, it is important to turn your focus away from the people involved and the church itself and with laser focus identify the root cause of your pain, turmoil, and disillusionment. Honestly identify what you are feeling. If you are like most, here are some possibilities: anger, sorrow, disappointment, rejection, hurt feelings, jealously, threatened, fear, rebellion, pride, feeling foolish, ashamed, embarrassed, blame, loss… Find out what is at the core of your hurt—not what someone said or did to you, but what is really causing your pain? Then search the scriptures to discover what God says about what is really hurting you. Take a Bible concordance and look up each word and read, think, pray, and apply the scripture reference. For example, you may think that you are angry when in reality you feel rejected. What does God say about rejection? He says, I will never leave you or forsake you [Hebrews 13:5]. I love you with an everlasting love [Jeremiah 31:3]. Lo, I am with you always [Matthew 28:20].

When you truly identify the root of your pain, God has a balm of wisdom, compassion, and love to generously apply healing to your wound(s). If you call on Him for this, your focus quickly becomes riveted on Him rather than to someone else, or dwelling and rehearsing the event over and over that caused you harm. Admittedly, you truly may be harmed, injured, or offended. You certainly feel it. Those are by-products of deeper more important realities that have derailed your passion for God, His church, and His purpose for your life. This has soured your taste, that if unattended, will lead to a root of bitterness that will negatively affect every fiber of your soul, and will rob you of any possibility of finding fulfillment in Christ. You do not want this to happen in your life.

How do we keep hurtful experiences from moving its destruction into the fiber of our soul? The book of wisdom from the Bible says we must, Above all else, guard your heart, for it will affect everything you do [Proverbs 4:23—New Living Translation]. We guard our heart by choosing the thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and actions we hold. Guard your heart in this situation by refusing to rehearse what happened over and over, from dwelling on the people who hurt you, and from laboring over the weaknesses of the church. This will take humility. God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble [James 4:6 & Proverbs 3:34]. It will take forgiving attitudes and actions [Matthew 18:22, Mark 11:27, Ephesians 4:32, and Colossians 3:13] with no hint of vengeance [Romans 12:19]. Mostly, it will take the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through you [Ephesians 3:16].

Don’t blame God for how His children behave. Don’t abandon the church either. There are always many more dedicated, grace-filled, loving, and forgiving people than not in most churches. Seek them out. Spend time with them. If you cannot find them, find another church (it is rare that you cannot find them even in the most difficult church environment). The church is God’s idea and He protects it profusely even though He is pained often by its behavior.



There is a strong warning throughout this answer that a wound of this kind, if unattended, will penetrate deep into the soul and destroy any chance of living an abundant life in Christ [John 10:10]. You can have hope because you are seeking healing. It is now up to you to do the right thing and turn your focus to the place, no, the Person, who will truly transform your life above and beyond this hurt in the following way.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?
Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life.
I’ll show you how to take a real rest.
Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.
--Jesus Christ, Matthew 11:28-30, The Message

Recommended Resource: Bring 'Em Back Alive: A Healing Plan for those Wounded by the Church by Dave Burchett.

Article Source... gotquestions.org

Not bad~

The thing that has always stood out most, is how people seemly make a real mess of their life when they leave the Apostolic church. it's the Apostolic members who overwhelming seem to turned their back on God when they leave . Where as people of other organizations seem to be able to separate God from mans doings towards them,they move on with God, find another church body. Maybe it's due to the teaching that if you leave us you left God, they bought into that as well, throw everything out, even God...Sad really~

[The Mrs]

This is great Berk!

I hope that it will be a blessing to our members and our lurkers here.

Great advice to guard our hearts, and make right choices that will bring healing.

I know one of the things that got me through an extemely painful situation was to put my focus on Jesus, not on man, and find out what HE thought of me, not what man thought of me. Because of the circumstances, my heart's cry was 'Lord, help me to see me the way YOU see me....and help me to see who YOU really are.'

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by Berkeley

http://www.prodigalsonmagazine.com/w...the_church.php

Question: "I have been burned and hurt by the church in the past. How can I overcome this and renew a passion for church and a desire to attend church?"

Answer: The pain caused by a church is a “silent killer.” This doesn’t mean that the words and events that “burned” and hurt your heart are not very ugly and public. It is a “silent killer” because of what it does deep in the fabric of the mind, heart, and soul of the wounded. If unchecked, it will destroy future happiness, joy, and well-being. The collateral damage always negatively affects the ministry and outreach of the church too, and some churches never recover. Recognize that the behavior which brought such devastation in your heart is not much different than the hurt any of us can encounter in the workplace, marketplace, or home. We just don’t expect God’s people to behave like those without Christ in their life. The church is the one place almost everyone agrees should be safe, accepting, forgiving, and free from conflict and pain. Yet, in most churches, at least some elements of strife, conflict, and hatred creep in and shatter that dream.

It happens more in some churches than others. The spiritual health of people in a church and the strength of leadership determine how prevalent and to what extent that divisive behavior can gain control. Out of control, it has the effect of a termite infiltration that slowly and surely decays the foundation of the spiritual life of a congregation.

For you, it is important to turn your focus away from the people involved and the church itself and with laser focus identify the root cause of your pain, turmoil, and disillusionment. Honestly identify what you are feeling. If you are like most, here are some possibilities: anger, sorrow, disappointment, rejection, hurt feelings, jealously, threatened, fear, rebellion, pride, feeling foolish, ashamed, embarrassed, blame, loss… Find out what is at the core of your hurt—not what someone said or did to you, but what is really causing your pain? Then search the scriptures to discover what God says about what is really hurting you. Take a Bible concordance and look up each word and read, think, pray, and apply the scripture reference. For example, you may think that you are angry when in reality you feel rejected. What does God say about rejection? He says, I will never leave you or forsake you [Hebrews 13:5]. I love you with an everlasting love [Jeremiah 31:3]. Lo, I am with you always [Matthew 28:20].

When you truly identify the root of your pain, God has a balm of wisdom, compassion, and love to generously apply healing to your wound(s). If you call on Him for this, your focus quickly becomes riveted on Him rather than to someone else, or dwelling and rehearsing the event over and over that caused you harm. Admittedly, you truly may be harmed, injured, or offended. You certainly feel it. Those are by-products of deeper more important realities that have derailed your passion for God, His church, and His purpose for your life. This has soured your taste, that if unattended, will lead to a root of bitterness that will negatively affect every fiber of your soul, and will rob you of any possibility of finding fulfillment in Christ. You do not want this to happen in your life.

How do we keep hurtful experiences from moving its destruction into the fiber of our soul? The book of wisdom from the Bible says we must, Above all else, guard your heart, for it will affect everything you do [Proverbs 4:23—New Living Translation]. We guard our heart by choosing the thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and actions we hold. Guard your heart in this situation by refusing to rehearse what happened over and over, from dwelling on the people who hurt you, and from laboring over the weaknesses of the church. This will take humility. God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble [James 4:6 & Proverbs 3:34]. It will take forgiving attitudes and actions [Matthew 18:22, Mark 11:27, Ephesians 4:32, and Colossians 3:13] with no hint of vengeance [Romans 12:19]. Mostly, it will take the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through you [Ephesians 3:16].

Don’t blame God for how His children behave. Don’t abandon the church either. There are always many more dedicated, grace-filled, loving, and forgiving people than not in most churches. Seek them out. Spend time with them. If you cannot find them, find another church (it is rare that you cannot find them even in the most difficult church environment). The church is God’s idea and He protects it profusely even though He is pained often by its behavior.

There is a strong warning throughout this answer that a wound of this kind, if unattended, will penetrate deep into the soul and destroy any chance of living an abundant life in Christ [John 10:10]. You can have hope because you are seeking healing. It is now up to you to do the right thing and turn your focus to the place, no, the Person, who will truly transform your life above and beyond this hurt in the following way.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?
Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life.
I’ll show you how to take a real rest.
Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.
--Jesus Christ, Matthew 11:28-30, The Message

Recommended Resource: Bring 'Em Back Alive: A Healing Plan for those Wounded by the Church by Dave Burchett.

Article Source... gotquestions.org

The times I have been hurt at church, or by church, was more about the underlying issue I have with Abandonment and rejection. Once that was identified then I knew that the people used to reinforce this was just being used by the devil to tempt me into rejecting the message. Once Identified, I was able to forgive the people because they had no clue what they were doing to me.

Asking God to cover my 'issues' which began in childhood BTW, then I was able to have peace in my heart regardless of the problems/chaos around me. The devil has used this trick once too often on me and it no longer has the control/power it once had. The last straw he tried was using my family. My family was unaware of how they were being used. I forgive them but what they do with their own issues is up to them. I am free from the thing.

With that said, This Dave Burchett wrote a very good article. Many times what we see as the main issue, isn't really the issue at all. Ask God to reveal to you what the issue is,; how it was triggered, and how not to let it happen again by forgiving and covering the situation with the Blood of Christ.

Blessings, Rhoni

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

The times I have been hurt at church, or by church, was more about the underlying issue I have with Abandonment and rejection. Once that was identified then I knew that the people used to reinforce this was just being used by the devil to tempt me into rejecting the message. Once Identified, I was able to forgive the people because they had no clue what they were doing to me.

Asking God to cover my 'issues' which began in childhood BTW, then I was able to have peace in my heart regardless of the problems/chaos around me. The devil has used this trick once too often on me and it no longer has the control/power it once had. The last straw he tried was using my family. My family was unaware of how they were being used. I forgive them but what they do with their own issues is up to them. I am free from the thing.

With that said, This Dave Burchett wrote a very good article. Many times what we see as the main issue, isn't really the issue at all. Ask God to reveal to you what the issue is,; how it was triggered, and how not to let it happen again by forgiving and covering the situation with the Blood of Christ.

Blessings, Rhoni

I agree with what you said Rhoni. After a while, you learn not to give people power over you and then they can't hurt you so much. There seems to be a lot of layers to this. There are those that would blame the person who was hurt completely....well, that isn't honest. People do hurt others. However, those who have been hurt CAN change and learn to not allow the same things to happen again. People who constantly hammer on others' pain have their own issues. People who are always hurt and hurt and hurt have their own. Then, there are those who have been hurt, learn from it and move on.

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by ILG

I agree with what you said Rhoni. After a while, you learn not to give people power over you and then they can't hurt you so much. There seems to be a lot of layers to this. There are those that would blame the person who was hurt completely....well, that isn't honest. People do hurt others. However, those who have been hurt CAN change and learn to not allow the same things to happen again. People who constantly hammer on others' pain have their own issues. People who are always hurt and hurt and hurt have their own. Then, there are those who have been hurt, learn from it and move on.

ILG,

You are correct in this. I do not blame people as much as I blame the devil and I don't have any more time to waste with hurts and grudges. I choose to move on. Unfortunately this is not so for others...they love being in the 'victim' role.

Blessings, Rhoni

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

ILG,

You are correct in this. I do not blame people as much as I blame the devil and I don't have any more time to waste with hurts and grudges. I choose to move on. Unfortunately this is not so for others...they love being in the 'victim' role.

Blessings, Rhoni

Some people do, but I sure wouldn't jump on any bandwagon labelling people as some do.

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by ILG

Some people do, but I sure wouldn't jump on any bandwagon labelling people as some do.

I hear you...it takes TIME to get over hurts from those who you loved, respected, and broke bread with. Everyone's time for healing is different. I was one of the worst...took me almost a decade but I also know how not to let them hurt me anymore! 7 years of counseling and years of prayers carried me before I truly gave it to God.

Also I am not excusing the poor, ignorant, and intimidating personalities of those involved in hurting God's lovely people.:sshhh

Blessings, Rhoni

[berkeley]

Originally Posted by The Mrs

This is great Berk!

I hope that it will be a blessing to our members and our lurkers here.

Great advice to guard our hearts, and make right choices that will bring healing.

I know one of the things that got me through an extemely painful situation was to put my focus on Jesus, not on man, and find out what HE thought of me, not what man thought of me. Because of the circumstances, my heart's cry was 'Lord, help me to see me the way YOU see me....and help me to see who YOU really are.'

I thought maybe someone would be ministered to by this article.

[Praxeas]

How do people get hurt by the Church and not rather individuals in that church? And is it usually EVERY individual in that church or is that just our false perception?