The Top Five Regrets From the Dying

[StillStanding]

Excerpts from the book "Common Regrets of the Dying", by Bronnie Ware.

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

Do you agree or disagree? What are some regrets that you would add?

[Esther]

I remember 40 years ago in high school one of my teachers said they surveyed back in that day was the most regrets people had was not taking a chance to do what they really wanted to do.

I think most of us past 50 can testify to that. However, there are some things I plowed through and was able to accomplish, but not near as much as I would have liked to. Still working toward some but others seem out of reach at this time.

Also, in line with this thought, I heard someone say if you want to find out how to treat your spouse talk to a widow/widower.

[StillStanding]

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. At 56 years old, I still try to please other people by living up to their expectations. To be honest, the last twenty years have been liberating for me by getting away from some holiness standards that I never quite understood the logic behind. I try to be just as accepting of others who don't see things eye to eye with me.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard. I don't have a problem with this one! ha!

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. Those that know me know I don't have a problem here! ha!

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Forums like AFF and Facebook have really helped here for me!

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. I'm actually a lot happier because of what I've done with regret #1. I have a wife and some friends that allow me to be silly at times. They just roll their eyes and give me a polite chuckle, which seems to help me somehow! *smile*

[Charnock]

Interesting.

Men are known by what they do. Their work. Odd that they would regret the thing for which they are known.

Also, being true to oneself is almost impossible because it almost always hurts those around us.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by StillStanding

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. At 56 years old, I still try to please other people by living up to their expectations. To be honest, the last twenty years have been liberating for me by getting away from some holiness standards that I never quite understood the logic behind. I try to be just as accepting of others who don't see things eye to eye with me.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard. I don't have a problem with this one! ha!

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. Those that know me know I don't have a problem here! ha!

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Forums like AFF and Facebook have really helped here for me!

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. I'm actually a lot happier because of what I've done with regret #1. I have a wife and some friends that allow me to be silly at times. They just roll their eyes and give me a polite chuckle, which seems to help me somehow! *smile*

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

At 45 years old, I guess I've always tried to be true to myself but haven't always succeeded. I've always lived what I believed, even when it killed me. Having left the UPC and having not attended any church the last couple of years (and saying that in my situation I truly believe I have the freedom to do that with no judgment from God) I can say it is freeing to do so. However, it comes with a price. I have no community, no place to be buried or married. It is lonely if freeing. I have pondered my mother, who has been a faithful Catholic her whole life. She has never questioned her faith and told me she has been afraid to. Yet, she has her faith, her community and her family is happy she is a Catholic. It seems to be a trade-off. I'm not sure one way is better than the other.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

I wish I didn't work so hard for other people (the church) and then have it all stolen from me. We had to start over mid-life so now, we work for ourselves. Maybe there will be a better pay-off.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

I have always had trouble expressing my feelings and stuffed them down most of my life. That may be hard to imagine but I have only started speaking up in the last 15 years and have worked hard to speak up more.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

When I got into the UPC, my life was so different that my high school friends and I parted ways, plus I moved out of state. When I left the UPC, I parted friends with the few friends we had there. So, now we just truck along doing our own thing. I miss community and friendships and would like more of that.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I am happier now than I have been most of my adult life. That is thrilling. I am daily trying to allow myself happiness, not take life so seriously and realize that I am here to eat brownies and have fun.

[The Lemon]

What a good thread...it is making me think fo sure! I may get on here later and be transparent on each point, but for now I will leave you with the following:

I remember some years ago my Pastor looking at me and a few others, and exclaiming that after all the years of service to God and Church, if he had it all to do over again, he would have spent more time with his family.

I know that may not sound earth shattering, but at the end of his statement he began sobbing, you see his only son was already 18 at the time.

I can't tell you how many annointed and powerfully used men that God worked through mightily who have said the same thing as my former pastor. It is telling, the amount of sacrifice done for the kingdom and for others. I know they will be rewarded, but even still it serves as a life lesson for me - that is to try and be as balanced as possible by the help and grace of God.

If we save all those in our world and loose our families...what have we really gained??

[Bro. Robbins]

Thanks for sharing.. my thoughts are below in italics.



1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

----- I have yet to find in Scripture where life is about us being true to self, especially since we are totally depraved, born out of sin, living in defiled sinful flesh. Most of our wants, desires, agendas are about self promotion, and things for self... when what I find in Scripture is we are to be dead men... dead men have no dreams. We are to be vessels, vessels have no agenda, no plan, no goals... except to be used by the master.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

-----In light of the Word, I think we don't work hard enough. It's not that we shouldn't work hard, the Word absolutely promotes that, but our work should be for the right things... not the wood, hay and stubble that will burn up, but for the things of eternity. Even family, loving, compassion and soul winning take work.... and done right, they will take hard work.... So, I want to work hard, but for the things that are right within the kingdom.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

----I find much more in the Word that promotes those that are slow to answer, that are peacemakers, and that build unity. There is a vast difference between Truth and honesty. I don't want the courage to be honest in my feelings, actually, in the selfless world of serving Christ, my feelings shouldn't matter at all. But I should always be willing to express my stand for those things that are True... not honest, but True. When it comes to my emotions, my feelings, God help me to have a Good report, not an honest report.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

------This is very, very true. God help us to value one another, and to realize our need for one another. God help us to see each other as valuable treasures, and not merely resources for the moment.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

----there is a great deception in this humanistic, secular, self fulfilling, Facebook, Tweeter, narcissistic age that we live in... that it's all about being happy. There is nowhere in the Word we are told to seek out happiness. For the child of God, we should pray for joy and peace... those are so much loftier than happiness. But we must also not lose sight of eternity. We are pilgrims and strangers passing through this life, and we will suffer persecution, trials, pain, and constantly fight the flesh and the curse of sin that this world is under. Seek the Answerer, not the Answers... Seek the Blesser, not the blessings..... Seek the Healer, not the Healing..... Seek the Deliverer, not the Deliverance..... Seek the Peace Speaker, not the peace......

[Norman]

I don't know how to let myself be happier. Maybe somebody can explain that.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by Norman

I don't know how to let myself be happier. Maybe somebody can explain that.

Just remember to always look on the broughhhhite side of life!
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

[StillStanding]

I remember reading a piece years ago written by an elderly person when asked what would they change in their life if they had to do it all over again. It was to take more walks and enjoy the wonderful world of nature that God gave us. Spend more time with loved ones. Hunt and fish more. Laugh more. Listen to beautiful music more. Etc.

They listed things that wouldn't cost them any money! It's true that the best thing in life are free!

Absent was wishing they had worked more, or made more money! It's funny how our priorities change when we take a backwards look later in life.