Any life coaches on the board??? I need help!

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by dizzyde

Whoa!!! OK, I have a problem, but not THAT big of a problem!!!

Dizz - - their whole house was stacked with clothes, bags of purchases, etc. You couldn't see one piece of their funiture - - only about half of their bed was cleared to sleep on. No chairs, no table - - it was unreal.

They threw away 75 tons of stuff. Had a 10,000 sq. ft. warehouse with tables full of the good stuff that they sold. And they gave away tons of stuff too.

It was just hard to believe someone could live that way.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Dizz - - their whole house was stacked with clothes, bags of purchases, etc. You couldn't see one piece of their funiture - - only about half of their bed was cleared to sleep on. No chairs, no table - - it was unreal.

They threw away 75 tons of stuff. Had a 10,000 sq. ft. warehouse with tables full of the good stuff that they sold. And they gave away tons of stuff too.

It was just hard to believe someone could live that way.

Gosh, I can't imagine. I'm in a very bad mood if my house is not clean.

[Kay B]

Originally Posted by nahkoe

SHE and FlyLady should help you a lot.

I totally, totally, totally get the standing there and then walking away cuz I have no idea where to start.

If you can, grab a trash bag and set the timer for 2, 3, 5 minutes (whatever doesn't feel overwhelming) and just walk through the house throwing away whatever catches your eye. It's not methodical, but it's a start. If you do that every day, maybe a few times once you start feeling some motivation (aka..seeing progress) you're going to notice that it looks better, and less overwhelming.

OH Boy! Would I be in trouble! Hubby has things stashed everywhere!

I once had a garage sale in TX while he was gone to a bass tournament and made $1500 and hardly made a dent in the rummage.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

Gosh, I can't imagine. I'm in a very bad mood if my house is not clean.

I know!

This lady had some problems she had to overcome, but I believe she made a change for the better. Of course, they redid her home and it was beautiful! I sure hope she didn't start stacking things up again and cover up all that beautiful furniture.

[AmazingGrace]

My husband has an uncle.. this all happened about 15 yrs ago but his uncle got injured in an oilfield accident and got a very very large settlement. He had just remarried too at that time. Didnt really know anything about her. Well for 4 yrs their house never got cleaned. She literally would go and buy new dishes to eat off of and instead of doing laundry they would go buy bags and bags of new clothes and just pile the dirty ones somewhere, They lived in a 2 story home and it was just the 2 of them. Took a year for 4 people to clean out that house!!! It was unbelievable!

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

I know!

This lady had some problems she had to overcome, but I believe she made a change for the better. Of course, they redid her home and it was beautiful! I sure hope she didn't start stacking things up again and cover up all that beautiful furniture.

If I don't use something I give it away or throw it away. You know how I am about pictures? lol I wonder if that is why I'm not a collector of things? I think if I don't care about pictures, then I'm not all that sentimental.

[OneAccord]

Originally Posted by dizzyde

So, I need help. I am at a crossroads in my life; I am turning the big 40 this year, my daughter is pretty much grown (unless she needs money), and I am needing some help in getting my life organized.

The last few years, since my daughter started college, have been weird for me. I think I had a little bit of a personal crisis (perhaps the anxiety attacks should have been my first clue) when she started college, call it denial or whatever, but I kind of stopped taking care of the details. I am happy and healthy, but my house is a mess and the clutter is driving me insane. I really have clutter in a lot of areas in my life.

I am looking toward making some significant life changes in the next few years, but I really need to get my life in order before I start making big decisions.

Does anyone know of any really good books (they have to be really good or I will lose interest quick, I am not a self-help book kind of girl) or have any pointers on organization/de-cluttering/whatever that you think would be helpful??

You know, when I first read this, my initial reaction was the same as RevRandy's. Clean house, problem solved. Whats the big deal?

But recent events in my own experience causes me to stop and really consider your situation. You are going through some major changes. Major, with a capital MAJ... Its like one chapter of your life is closing and, well...the other hasn't begun yet.

I'll do some predicting here. I predict your life, until recently has been... well, comfotable. No real big major UPs, no real big major DOWNS. Kinda even keeled, almose ho-hum. Now, with the deaths of 3 principles in your life, and with your daughters going away to college, life is a little less certain. Much of what has been comfortable in your life is... well, either going or gone. At least thats the way you see it now. But, lthat life (before the changes) isn't really gone, its just re-arranging itself. Making room for transitions which, can be good or not so good, depending on how you handle the situation.

I'll give you an example from my own experience. For several weeks now (hard to believe its already nearly two months), I have been trying to keep the house exactly like it was before Lola died. I wnated it to stay as she left it, because, in changing anything, I felt like I was moving away from her. She NEVER went to bed with dirty dishes in the sink, no matter how late it was. I haven't done that either. She ALWAYS hung up coats, jackets, and shoes (for whatever reason) were always put inthe closet. I kept up many of her rituals. But, now, well, (as you m8iight expect), things aren't quite as neat. That bothered me some, but I have come to realize that our life was, in a sense, the way she wanted it. The furniture was arranged the way she wanted it. The kitchen was arranged the way it was convenient and useful to her. But, it doesn't work that way for me. She kept the checkbook one way. Her method doesn't work for me. I do it a different way. It works better for me.

The house, my life is in transition, the same as yours is. A new chapter is unfolding. Reading a book won't help, beacuse you will still be trying to arrange your life according to someone elses plan. You have to find your own plan...

What are some things you alway wanted to do, but never had time to do?
Do those things.
What color is your daughters bedroom? Like it? If not, change it. It sounds almost selfish to think of things this way, but, though our circumstances are vastly different, we, whether we want to or not, are in the position to live our lives for US. I've never been able to go to Arizona, but, I can now. I feel so selfish even saying that, but, the cold hard fact of the matter is this: I, like you, have to find my way in life, even though, personally, I really don't want to. I have to because Lola would want me to.

De-clutter your life from other peoples "stuff" to make room for your own stuff. I am in that process now. Its not easy. I'm looking at a great big wicker basket that Lola has had for umpteen years. I hvae no need for that basket at all. If serves no purpose. Eventually, I'll do something with it, because holding on to it doesn't keep Lola here. She wouldn't want my life cluttered up with her "stuff"- they are mere reminders of what was, and provides no direction for what will be. So, I figght it tooth and nail, but, life goes on. Kinda wish it wouldn't but it does, and I guess I have no choice but to go along with it.

Sister, your house itsn't a mess... its not cluttered. It is just transitioning. Now... YOU. You transition with it. Quit trying to hold to what was.. and go on to what will be. I think thats what Lola was trying to tell me with her last words.... "Its been good, but, it'll soon be better".

[AmazingGrace]

All I can say is Wow! Puts a whole new perspective on the whole thing.... I thought I had just cleaned things out... now well... No comments... No words but thank you OA... Your words are well received by others even though meant for Dee.

[rgcraig]

OA you are soooooo right!

I've already gone through this. Four years ago I had a lovely home, beautiful backyard with a pool and hot tub, my flower garden with an arbor! I had it all. Divorce came to my life - had to sell the home and downsize.

At first this was painful because I had 24 yrs. of married life in that home, but as I started clearing it out, selling, giving away and keeping only what I needed it got easier.

My daughter and I moved into an apt. and I adjusted quickly. THEN, she went off to college in St. Louis. Just last summer I made another move to a better apt. and everything in this apt. is about ME.......I have a guest room decorated like I want it. Even in the garage both my kids have their "stuff" now and I'm not storing their memory boxes.

I'm happy.

[dizzyde]

Originally Posted by OneAccord

You know, when I first read this, my initial reaction was the same as RevRandy's. Clean house, problem solved. Whats the big deal?

But recent events in my own experience causes me to stop and really consider your situation. You are going through some major changes. Major, with a capital MAJ... Its like one chapter of your life is closing and, well...the other hasn't begun yet.

I'll do some predicting here. I predict your life, until recently has been... well, comfotable. No real big major UPs, no real big major DOWNS. Kinda even keeled, almose ho-hum. Now, with the deaths of 3 principles in your life, and with your daughters going away to college, life is a little less certain. Much of what has been comfortable in your life is... well, either going or gone. At least thats the way you see it now. But, lthat life (before the changes) isn't really gone, its just re-arranging itself. Making room for transitions which, can be good or not so good, depending on how you handle the situation.

I'll give you an example from my own experience. For several weeks now (hard to believe its already nearly two months), I have been trying to keep the house exactly like it was before Lola died. I wnated it to stay as she left it, because, in changing anything, I felt like I was moving away from her. She NEVER went to bed with dirty dishes in the sink, no matter how late it was. I haven't done that either. She ALWAYS hung up coats, jackets, and shoes (for whatever reason) were always put inthe closet. I kept up many of her rituals. But, now, well, (as you m8iight expect), things aren't quite as neat. That bothered me some, but I have come to realize that our life was, in a sense, the way she wanted it. The furniture was arranged the way she wanted it. The kitchen was arranged the way it was convenient and useful to her. But, it doesn't work that way for me. She kept the checkbook one way. Her method doesn't work for me. I do it a different way. It works better for me.

The house, my life is in transition, the same as yours is. A new chapter is unfolding. Reading a book won't help, beacuse you will still be trying to arrange your life according to someone elses plan. You have to find your own plan...

What are some things you alway wanted to do, but never had time to do?
Do those things.
What color is your daughters bedroom? Like it? If not, change it. It sounds almost selfish to think of things this way, but, though our circumstances are vastly different, we, whether we want to or not, are in the position to live our lives for US. I've never been able to go to Arizona, but, I can now. I feel so selfish even saying that, but, the cold hard fact of the matter is this: I, like you, have to find my way in life, even though, personally, I really don't want to. I have to because Lola would want me to.

De-clutter your life from other peoples "stuff" to make room for your own stuff. I am in that process now. Its not easy. I'm looking at a great big wicker basket that Lola has had for umpteen years. I hvae no need for that basket at all. If serves no purpose. Eventually, I'll do something with it, because holding on to it doesn't keep Lola here. She wouldn't want my life cluttered up with her "stuff"- they are mere reminders of what was, and provides no direction for what will be. So, I figght it tooth and nail, but, life goes on. Kinda wish it wouldn't but it does, and I guess I have no choice but to go along with it.

Sister, your house itsn't a mess... its not cluttered. It is just transitioning. Now... YOU. You transition with it. Quit trying to hold to what was.. and go on to what will be. I think thats what Lola was trying to tell me with her last words.... "Its been good, but, it'll soon be better".

That was really beautiful OA, thank you for sharing that wisdom with me, it means a lot.