Emotional affair

[rgcraig]

No doubt in my mind there are emotional affairs and they are just as dangerous as physical affairs.

[Falla39]

Originally Posted by Rico

Ok. I'm going to make a confession on this thread. About 20 years ago, when I was still single, and prior to my conversion, I became friends with a couple that I met through another friend of mine. At first I was only friends with the male in the couple. We'd get together and drink, smoke some weed, and generally party while listening to Johnny Cash records. I didn't like his wife much because all she did was complain and yell at him all the time. She didn't like me much I would tell him he needed to learn how to tell her to shut her big mouth while we were partying. Nothing ruins a good buzz like a loud mouthed nagging wife.

Anyway, somehow I ended up becoming friends with her too. Over the course of about a year and half we started getting closer and closer. So much so that we'd talk on the phone a lot and even visit each other when he wasn't around. Eventually, she opened up to me about her feelings regarding her marriage and how unhappy she was with him. The closer we got as friends, the more we shared our feelings with each other. I had had a bad relationship with my first wife, so I understood how she was feeling about her marriage.

Well, the day finally came when our talking turned into passion and I found myself having an affair with this lady. We made up any excuse we could think of to get her out of the house so we could carry on this love affair we were having.

Things ended between us when I finally told her she had to make a choice between me or her husband. She didn't have the heart to leave him because she had a baby girl with him and she knew that her leaving him would devastate him, and he'd most likely end up on drugs or killing himself.

Fast forward to after my conversion. As I studied the Bible and learned about the different things it had to say concerning marital relations, I realized that even if I wouldn't have taken things to an actual physical level with this woman that I would still have been guilt of committing adultery. My affair with her was happening on an emotional level long before we decided to get into bed with each other.

Realizing this helped me to put some standards in place. I know. I know. Standards can sometimes be a four letter word for some of us. What I decided was that I would never allow myself to fall into that kind of trap with another woman again. So, there are certain things I won't do. I will not do anything more than shake a woman's hand. Occasionally I have been known to give an elder sister a hug, though. I won't come into a man's home when he is not there. I will not ride in a car with a woman alone, except for immediate family members. I avoid getting into too many details with another woman if she is talking about any problems in her marriage. I also am very careful about what I talk about with the women around here in pms. I also make a point of letting my wife know about the things I talk with other women about on the phone.

I don't have to read this book to know what the author is talking about. I've lived it. My advice to all men and women is that you be careful in your friendships with people of the opposite sex. I did not start out with an affair on my mind when I became friends with this woman. It developed over time. As Christians, we have a huge target on our backs, and the enemy of our souls would love nothing better than to see any one of us ruined through ending up in a love affair. He's out to steal, kill, and destroy all that he can. Thank God for His forgiving power.

Dear Bro. Rico,

I am probably old enough to be your grandmother, at least your mother,
But over a period of time and reading your posts on FCF, NFCF, and on
AFF, there was developed in my mind a picture. The picture of a man who
seemingly could be thought of as tough, liberal who would argue just to
argue. But there was something deeper that shone through in your posts.
If you believed something was wrong, you would stand for it no matter
who would try to convince you otherwise.

I saw a young man that probably had a rough childhood, disappointments
through many experiences in and out of church. But I saw that man as one
who was learning and learning well.

Your post here confirms in my mind why I described you on another thread
as being conservative, a big teddy bear who loved God, his wife and his
children. Yes, we all have our own experiences which have brought us to
where we are today in Christ.

Paul speaks to someone in 2 Cor.7:8-11:

8For though I made you sorry with a letter, I do not repent, though I did repent: for I perceive that the same epistle hath made you sorry, though it were but for a season.

9Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing.

10For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.

11For behold this selfsame thing, that ye sorrowed after a godly sort, what carefulness it wrought in you, yea, what clearing of yourselves, yea, what indignation, yea, what fear, yea, what vehement desire, yea, what zeal, yea, what revenge! In all things ye have approved yourselves to be clear in this matter.

Bless you, dear Brother, and you can hide behind that big beard all you
want to, but I still "hear" a big teddy bear who loves God, his wife and his
children.

Parents are supposed to train up and discipline their children, but God
disciplines adult children. He's big enough. And He loves us SO much!
We are HIS people, the sheep of HIS pasture.

Falla39

[jaxfam6]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

No doubt in my mind there are emotional affairs and they are just as dangerous as physical affairs.

I would say I agree with you. My point is that not all emtional attachments should be classified as affairs. There are emotional attachments that will never go beyond the friendship that is there. There are other cases, as we have seen reported, that go past friendship and become sin.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by jaxfam6

I would say I agree with you. My point is that not all emtional attachments should be classified as affairs. There are emotional attachments that will never go beyond the friendship that is there. There are other cases, as we have seen reported, that go past friendship and become sin.

And I agree with you.

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by jaxfam6

I would say I agree with you. My point is that not all emtional attachments should be classified as affairs. There are emotional attachments that will never go beyond the friendship that is there. There are other cases, as we have seen reported, that go past friendship and become sin.

I agree with this also.

[jaxfam6]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

And I agree with you.

i suddenly have the warm fuzzies.

someone agrees with me

I think I am going to.........

oh wow two agree

here i g.......


again

[Rico]

Originally Posted by Falla39

Dear Bro. Rico,

I am probably old enough to be your grandmother, at least your mother,
But over a period of time and reading your posts on FCF, NFCF, and on
AFF, there was developed in my mind a picture. The picture of a man who
seemingly could be thought of as tough, liberal who would argue just to
argue. But there was something deeper that shone through in your posts.
If you believed something was wrong, you would stand for it no matter
who would try to convince you otherwise.

I saw a young man that probably had a rough childhood, disappointments
through many experiences in and out of church. But I saw that man as one
who was learning and learning well.

Your post here confirms in my mind why I described you on another thread
as being conservative, a big teddy bear who loved God, his wife and his
children. Yes, we all have our own experiences which have brought us to
where we are today in Christ.

Paul speaks to someone in 2 Cor.7:8-11:

8For though I made you sorry with a letter, I do not repent, though I did repent: for I perceive that the same epistle hath made you sorry, though it were but for a season.

9Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing.

10For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.

11For behold this selfsame thing, that ye sorrowed after a godly sort, what carefulness it wrought in you, yea, what clearing of yourselves, yea, what indignation, yea, what fear, yea, what vehement desire, yea, what zeal, yea, what revenge! In all things ye have approved yourselves to be clear in this matter.

Bless you, dear Brother, and you can hide behind that big beard all you
want to, but I still "hear" a big teddy bear who loves God, his wife and his
children.

Parents are supposed to train up and discipline their children, but God
disciplines adult children. He's big enough. And He loves us SO much!
We are HIS people, the sheep of HIS pasture.

Falla39

Sister Falla, I am on a quest for truth, just like the rest of us. When I find it, I have no choice but to defend it. You're right about a lot of the things you've said about me, except that I know I would never be accepted among conservatives as a fellow conservative. Just the fact that I am willing to withstand them face to face disqualifies me and makes me rebellious in their opinion. That's ok, though. I like being a free agent. Thank you for your kind words.

[bethola]

Originally Posted by cneasttx

Emotional detachment is just investing your emotions away from your spouse to someone or something else. Most affairs don't start out physical anyway, a one night stand maybe. I am sure you have heard or read "we grew apart". It is the emotional part of an affair that is so hard to deal with in my opinion, because your allegiance was with someone else instead of your spouse. If this happens the marriage or relationship is defiled.

Totally agree with this. It is my opinion that emotional "intimacy" (the sharing of ideas, opinions, goals, dreams, etc.) can eventually lead to physical intimacy.

[Falla39]

Originally Posted by Rico

Sister Falla, I am on a quest for truth, just like the rest of us. When I find it, I have no choice but to defend it. You're right about a lot of the things you've said about me, except that I know I would never be accepted among conservatives as a fellow conservative. Just the fact that I am willing to withstand them face to face disqualifies me and makes me rebellious in their opinion. That's ok, though. I like being a free agent. Thank you for your kind words.

Traditional Conservative - b: marked by moderation or caution <a conservative estimate> c: marked by or relating to traditional norms of taste, elegance, style, or manners

Bro. Rico,
At times I have been considered somewhat of a rebel of sorts, or stubborn,
hard-headed or even deceived. Some could or would not understand that
there were principals/convictions I was unwilling to break, regardless of how
much pressure or intimidation was placed on me to do so.

However I always tried to show a good attitude and not be argumentive
regardless of the situation. That goes a long way. We can disagree without
being disagreeable. There is a difference.

And yes, Brother, that quest and hunger for truth will definitely cost
us something. We will be tested as to just how much we desire it!!

Blessings,

Falla39

[A_PoMo]

I appreciate all the comments. Good stuff.

So, it seems that nobody here thinks that an emotional affair is adultery. Is that a fair conclusion to draw from the discussion so far?