Everyday I live in fear, fear that I'm going to leave this life for the next. Things happened in my life a few yrs ago, and more stuff happened/is happening more recently that plays on this fear.
I have been in a constant game of cat and mouse for 5 yrs, and I'm not the cat.
Rather than turn to God, I hide from him. Something that was never an issue in my life is suddenly a major issue. Not for the typical reasons. It is an "escape."
My family and friends think I'm insane. I wish that was true because that would mean that what I've been going through isn't real. I don't even discuss it with any of them anymore.
If I had known that one bad decision would impact my life in such a negative way and I'd have surely reconsidered.
Everyday I live in fear, fear that I'm going to leave this life for the next. Things happened in my life a few yrs ago, and more stuff happened/is happening more recently that plays on this fear.
I have been in a constant game of cat and mouse for 5 yrs, and I'm not the cat.
Rather than turn to God, I hide from him. Something that was never an issue in my life is suddenly a major issue. Not for the typical reasons. It is an "escape."
My family and friends think I'm insane. I wish that was true because that would mean that what I've been going through isn't real. I don't even discuss it with any of them anymore.
If I had known that one bad decision would impact my life in such a negative way and I'd have surely reconsidered.
What I hear is "I fear God,
and recognize my sin."
This is a time of testing, surely,
for all of us, but you are in
my prayers, and it sounds like
you have the right attitude.
Name your sin to God,
I'm sure you already have,
and accept the punishment humbly,
which it sounds like you already did;
and trust that Christ has forgiven you!
And lose the fear, that is just another sin.
Peace. Have peace! Peace.
What I hear is "I fear God,
and recognize my sin."
This is a time of testing, surely,
for all of us, but you are in
my prayers, and it sounds like
you have the right attitude.
Name your sin to God,
I'm sure you already have,
and accept the punishment humbly,
which it sounds like you already did;
and trust that Christ has forgiven you!
And lose the fear, that is just another sin.
Peace. Have peace! Peace.
Accept the punishment?
__________________
Hebrews 13:23 Know ye that our brother Timothy is set at liberty
Everyday I live in fear, fear that I'm going to leave this life for the next. Things happened in my life a few yrs ago, and more stuff happened/is happening more recently that plays on this fear.
I have been in a constant game of cat and mouse for 5 yrs, and I'm not the cat.
Rather than turn to God, I hide from him. Something that was never an issue in my life is suddenly a major issue. Not for the typical reasons. It is an "escape."
My family and friends think I'm insane. I wish that was true because that would mean that what I've been going through isn't real. I don't even discuss it with any of them anymore.
If I had known that one bad decision would impact my life in such a negative way and I'd have surely reconsidered.
Sometimes just confessing fear and other negative emotions and just resting in the atoning blood of Jesus Christ is what we need. That one bad decision is not too hard for Christ to forgive. His mercy endureth forever, King David said many times.
The one thing that is constant...is that Jesus died for our sins and forgave us our trespasses against our Holy God. Nothing or nobody can change that fact...ever. The Christians fight over doctrine eschatology, type of Baptism, speaking in tongues, praying to saints, Mary and who is right, who is wrong... but none of this ever changes the fact of what Jesus has done for us on the Cross. The simplicity of the Cross is so simple and so complete that people have a hard time believing that there is nothing else they can do for salvation except to yoke themselves to Christ's yoke. His yoke is easy and his burden light.
...and sometimes we have to forgive ourselves.
__________________
It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. (Psalms 118:8)
Ok, blinky. Yes, accept, as opposed to rebel against. The Spirit is not pushy, and it is possible to run from discipline; God will not force you to accept your spiritual lashes; in my experience, running from spiritual consequences can produce a profound peace in temporal circumstances. Like the grave.
Are you afraid of leaving this life for the next because you are unsure of your relationship with God?
You say you are in a game of cat and mouse and that you are using something as a vehicle of escape, is there an addictive behavior that you need to be free of?
We are all living life one day at a time with no certainty of a tomorrow.
We are all struggling to overcome fear and addictive behaviors.
Do you have a trusted friend that you can confide in who can help you pray and give you guidance and encouragement? I hope so.
In Jesus name I pray that God will draw you close to Him so you can feel his love, peace, and freedom in His Spirit.
I encourage you to seek God right now and find release from the pressure and fear in Jesus name.
Everyday I live in fear, fear that I'm going to leave this life for the next. Things happened in my life a few yrs ago, and more stuff happened/is happening more recently that plays on this fear.
I have been in a constant game of cat and mouse for 5 yrs, and I'm not the cat.
Rather than turn to God, I hide from him. Something that was never an issue in my life is suddenly a major issue. Not for the typical reasons. It is an "escape."
My family and friends think I'm insane. I wish that was true because that would mean that what I've been going through isn't real. I don't even discuss it with any of them anymore.
If I had known that one bad decision would impact my life in such a negative way and I'd have surely reconsidered.
Confession is step one. find a mentor/partner to help you through this, someone to be accountable to. The rest, you are going to have to live through all the bad seed (I assume, whether singular or plural) you've sown. I can promise you this, it will get better. Just live for, walk with and stay in communion with Jesus Christ.
Remember Ephesians 5:13 "But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light."
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