A Love Story
I was thinking about StillStanding's post about this being like a divorce. I don't think you get over a divorce like you might some other things that happen in life. Depending on how long the "marriage" was and other criteria, the "divorce" can be horrible and have very long lasting wounds.
For me, I loved the UPC with all my heart. I had given my life to it. I defended it in the face of criticism. I left my previous life and friends (and even family to some extent) behind for it. My husband and I built a church that still stands today. We drove past it when we were on vacation a while back. We pulled up and I ran up and looked in the windows (something that my husband was uncomfortable doing). When I got back into the car I said "Isn't it funny that these people are in this church because of us and they could drive up and confront us about looking in the windows and ask us what we are doing?" He said "Yes, that is strange." I remember driving by one day and feeling the impression of God to call the pastor of this previous Church of God church and ask him if he wanted to sell the building. I called him and he said I should have my husband call him. The rest is history. It is a UPC today. And yet, they would not recognize me today and would probably chase me away if they saw me looking into the windows.
The church that I loved rejected me before I ever rejected it. We built a church and gave thousands of hours and dollars to both churches and the organization. We did fundraisers, taught Bible studies, passed out tracts, taught Sunday School, picked people up. We had potlucks and did baptisms and prayed our hearts out. We sang (I love to sing and play piano and I have nowhere to do that now) and worshiped God. We raised our children in this organization to be good people, with morals. My daughter used to sing with me.
What we gave so much to, kicked us in the teeth and stole from us. It stole our reputation, our livelihood, our peace, parts of my children's childhoods, our health and our community.
Yes, I have said leaving is the best thing we ever did and I meant that. But it did not come without a price, let me tell you. Leaving came with redefining who we were completely. We were no longer ministers, no longer UPC, no longer singers and piano players, no longer church builders. We were no longer who we had been for 19 years.
Anyway. Divorce.
Most of the time I don't think about these things and they are buried somewhere, but talking about these things lately has brought some stuff to the surface. I have had trouble sleeping and my shoulders and neck have been stiff. I appreciate very deeply being able to write what I wrote in this thread and I also very deeply appreciate the compassionate responses. It has been scary writing what I have written in this thread. I have previously said we had been through a lawsuit and things like that but I have never before written what I have written in this thread about some of the details. I have kept it quiet and hidden mostly for so long that writing about it has been very difficult. Yet, I am very thankful for the opportunity to do so. Thanks for listening.
To the UPC:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQl3WQQoQ0
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