Respect as Women

[n david]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

I'll attempt to explain, but this is something that has come up in bits and pieces over the course of years of conversations. It's a complex topic that is hard to parse into a few paragraphs.

We've never taught our daughters that the traditional dress standards are scriptural (unless they can be clearly found in scripture). We have always taught them to be modest, to be feminine and to be classy/appropriate. IMO (and in my husband's opinion), most standards are applications of scriptural ideas or principles, but the rules themselves are obviously not clearly spelled out. Because of that, we wanted to present dress rules to them in THAT way, and not in the traditional "you have to do this or you'll go to hell." To have done that would have been lying, at least for us. We've also taught them the importance of obeying church leadership, even when you don't agree with a rule.

All that said, our girls have grown up with a clear understanding of the difference between something being clearly scriptural and something being a "preference" or simply a church teaching (that doesn't affect their salvation).

With that foundation, I have presented to my daughters the idea that living modestly and conservatively affords certain benefits that women who dress immodestly can't enjoy. There's simplicity in making modest choices, dressing modestly often commands respect from others, and in some ways it can be protective. Of course, I also extend this to behavior--not just the way we dress--but I do believe that how you present yourself to others affects the way they treat you.

Also, if my daughters want an Apostolic man who lives according to certain sets of values, then they will probably have to conform to the dress standards that accompany those values. To that end, we've recently had conversations in our home, as the girls get older, about the "bait and switch" routine. That's where a woman follows the rules until she gets married and then drops them because she never really wanted to follow them in the first place. One of my girls is interested in an ultra-con boy, and I had a serious discussion with her about the importance of accepting the rules that go along with the *lifestyle* for the long term and whether or not that was doable. For the good of the relationship, you have to go into with your eyes open, knowing that you can accept living by a set of rules even if you don't necessarily think they're biblical or necessary. What can be even more difficult is making your own children follow those rules, and we talked about that, too. We didn't just discuss that from the point of view of "you'll have to choose this", but more from the POV of "think hard before you accept a lifestyle, because it's a longterm choice."

Simply put, I like my conservative lifestyle, and while there are issues I find troublesome, I think overall that choosing to be an Apostolic women is similar to choosing to be a Muslim woman or an Orthodox Jewish woman, etc. There are trade-offs and there are benefits, and pragmatism is a necessity to survival and peace. Depending on the personality of the woman, it can be difficult or it can be easy. I don't find rules hard to follow, even if I find them disagreeable. I realize that isn't every woman's experience, and I think I've just tried to give my girls the benefit of my experience. Which is: In spite of the fact that I don't agree with every standard or guideline, my overall experience in the Apostolic church has been positive and beneficial to my life--as a Christian and as a woman.