Quote:
Originally Posted by jediwill83
There was a point and time in my younger years where I realized that my dad was too damaged emotionally to give me what I was looking for. I accepted that or tried to and stopped looking for it just with the realization that it wasn't going to happen and in the same breath I realized that I was in danger of trying to find surrogate father figures to take his place so I tried to guard against that as well.
I feel that affirmation is one of those pivotal points in a persons growth that if not reached they can spend the rest of their life trying to find.
My father is a broken man and he raised a broken son but I have a Savior that mends broken hearts.
I have to constantly visit Him time and time again holding shattered pieces of myself like a child with a broken toy and allow Him to put me back together.
My father cant give me what I need but my Heavenly Father can.
I love my dad but its hard finding that relationship balance where I don't expect more from him than he can provide.
I still reflexively reach out and try to connect even though a part of me says that I will regret it.
I guess I keep doing it in hopes of one day I'll break through and out of fear of totally giving up and walling him off or drifting away.
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its interesting that I had a conversation yesterday with a friend from church. His father is deaf, and he told me the his father never had a conversation with his grandfather. none. my friend would interpret between his dad and his dads mom but between his dad and his dads dad, nothing.
I wish there were answer bro, but in the end this is a great common mystery. The best we can do is strive to b e better. with our kids. and at some point, about the time they have kids, have a conversation with them about this very subject so they don't fall in the same trap.
I am sorry for your pain. God is the very best answer.
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