Quote:
Originally Posted by jediwill83
There was a point and time in my younger years where I realized that my dad was too damaged emotionally to give me what I was looking for. I accepted that or tried to and stopped looking for it just with the realization that it wasn't going to happen and in the same breath I realized that I was in danger of trying to find surrogate father figures to take his place so I tried to guard against that as well.
I feel that affirmation is one of those pivotal points in a persons growth that if not reached they can spend the rest of their life trying to find.
My father is a broken man and he raised a broken son but I have a Savior that mends broken hearts.
I have to constantly visit Him time and time again holding shattered pieces of myself like a child with a broken toy and allow Him to put me back together.
My father cant give me what I need but my Heavenly Father can.
I love my dad but its hard finding that relationship balance where I don't expect more from him than he can provide.
I still reflexively reach out and try to connect even though a part of me says that I will regret it.
I guess I keep doing it in hopes of one day I'll break through and out of fear of totally giving up and walling him off or drifting away.
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What I found out was this. Bro Benincasa can attest to this with my situation. LOL
With your parents they will have trouble ever seeing you more than the kid in diapers or the kid who messed up and backslid.
Humanity has a hard time forgiving and moving on, thus our need for the Spirit of God. He has that ability.
Jesus spoke it and said that a prophet was not without respect or honor except in his own house. How true again.
This is that hardest thing that I had to learn dealing with my children. I grew up not hearing positive affirmation, I heard plenty of the negative.
When I finally got married and moved into the ministry it continued. It didn't matter if I preached a revival where 15 got the Holy Ghost, my parents could not say anything positive. That hurt. But I learned to find confidence in the Spirit of God.
I also had wise counsel that told me to remember the commandment and honor them. That commandment is without caveat or exemption. So I do, constantly. Regardless of their behavior I must watch my behavior.
I then decided that I would, by choice, change my attitude towards my children. I constantly tell them I am proud of them for their achievements, what ever they might be. I tend to ignore a lot of the negative because I know that they will change over time as I have changed.
It has built a great relationship with my children that I don't regret. Even today I have two of my adult children that I can't chase away from my house, they love being with us and love their family.
Pentecost has failed in many ways because of many of the old timers that bought into the jargon of "Revival at any cost!" They have paid with their children, with their families, with their health and etc. They have built crowds and lost their children. Not good.
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