Before I go to bed, I had to get this off my chest...
We have a woman in our church whose been through some tough times. Long story short, she backslid, had a child and also has two grandchildren to care for because her daughter's drug problem.(By the way, please keep her in prayer to ensure she stays close to God and does not backslide again)
She often times ask church members to babysit her children as they are very close in age and hard to take with her on errands. Church members have been more than accommodating, myself and a few other sisters. Yet she still complains that she has no one to help her(this is not true). Her son's father is no where to be found, we sympathize, but this is not the fault of the church.
She cannot offer payment, and that's fine I still try to help in anyway I can. However, she will only call when she needs a favor(usually involving her children). I'm not the only person whose noticed this, and people have brought this to her attention.
This past week I was feeling kind of down, and guess who shows up asking for another favor? You guessed it. Haven't spoken to me in weeks, I'm lucky to even get a greeting from her, and of course, another request for a favor. Being her usual self, she did not even ask, "how are you doing" before she went into her usual " plea for sympathy script". That really stung.
I try to show love and compassion like the bible says, but in the process I'm getting drained emotionally. She has distanced some people because they feel used and up until now I've been patient, but frankly I'm ready to throw in the towel myself.
Have you ever dealt with members who seem only interested in "fellowship" when there's a favor involved?? Or people who are so self absorbed in their own life never do they bother to inquire, pray or show concern, for other church members??
I'm not the only one whose dealing with this. A church brother of mine, one who used to be highly generous has now closed himself off because of church people who seem to be 'strictly business', or only bother with you when they need something.
I had this problem at one time and I promise that I didn't even know what I was doing to the few people who I felt close to. I didn't think that I was a manipulating user at all.
I had a couple people even tell me, but I just figured that they were having a bad day or something. I figured that they didn't know my heart and that they were just cold and religious.
I didn't really see my insults, until I had someone treat me the same way and it stung. Then I was able to see what I had done to others. I corrected my actions and today, I am not a manipulating user.
I'm also finding it easier to say, "No" to people myself-- something that was next to impossible a few years ago.
__________________
"The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character."
Amen. "No" works great. But I'd
also suggest the Scriptural answer,
that one of you approach her about this,
and alert her to what she may be blind to.
I'm sort of in this situation with someone myself,
and this advice ends up being hard to follow,
as it does not seem that they can listen, even-
-which I guess maybe is the point.
This person also exhibits extreme entitlement.
So the next step is to approach them in a group...
should be interesting.
You (all) are being sucked in to a
codependent relationship; you might
search the term, and read for more tips.
Expect refined maneuvers, and manipulation,
deal-making, etc., and be prepared to stand firm.
I'm a codependent, and I can tell you that
this isn't usually conscious behavior, it is
just how Codependents are taught to be,
and an awakening is needed in them-
-they are essentially still children, emotionally.
Amen. "No" works great. But I'd
also suggest the Scriptural answer,
that one of you approach her about this,
and alert her to what she may be blind to.
I'm sort of in this situation with someone myself,
and this advice ends up being hard to follow,
as it does not seem that they can listen, even-
-which I guess maybe is the point.
This person also exhibits extreme entitlement.
So the next step is to approach them in a group...
should be interesting.
You (all) are being sucked in to a
codependent relationship; you might
search the term, and read for more tips.
Expect refined maneuvers, and manipulation,
deal-making, etc., and be prepared to stand firm.
I'm a codependent, and I can tell you that
this isn't usually conscious behavior, it is
just how Codependents are taught to be,
and an awakening is needed in them-
-they are essentially still children, emotionally.
Good post, bb. Keep it up!
__________________
Hebrews 13:23 Know ye that our brother Timothy is set at liberty
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