Advice: The Single Christian

[Evenuntodeath]

Originally Posted by Aquila

I have already discovered that it often seems like the church assumes that a Christian single is unappy and MUST find a mate. However, many Christian singles are perfectly happy being single. The church often makes them feel incomplete and contributes to the feelings of loneliness or sense of "not fitting in" when it does this.

However, I'm feeling that a person can be perfectly happy and content being single. Maybe it's just my age catching up with me. However, I can see feeling lonely at times. But loneliness can be remedied by surrounding yourself with good godly friends, much prayer, being involved in serving the church and others. Even "going out" to socialize with wisdom. I can also see having sexual feelings and not knowing how to relieve them without a sense of shame or condemnation. It's been my personal experience that these feelings don't necessarily go away with cold showers, prayer, and joining a softball league. What are the bounderies, what is allowed in the eyes of God for a single Christian with sexual needs? I'm sure many single Christians have struggled with these questions since ancient times.

I was talking to an elder about this and he said, "Draw near to God and be prayerful. You have to talk to God and allow the Spirit to direct you in some personal matters and let know man condemn you. It's between you and your Lord."

Is there any wisdom in that?

Ok, Let me explain. BTW, Im so glad you created this topic.

Yes I feel that singleness is misunderstood in that the primary focus on helping singles in ministering to lonliness and lust. While these are common problems there are many struggles singles deal with which can be just as much a hinderance as the above.

For me my main struggles are fear(fear of loving again, fear of rejection), self esteem(confident that someone will want me), forgiveness(past hurts), the longing of having children..

I feel that stuggles with being single are somewhat different for men than for women. For women there is a huge emotional aspect in being single and I find few singles ministries touch on this . Many singles ministries mainly focus preventing compulsive sins without getting to the root cause of these sins. Hence why many singles continue to go around in circles and get no where in their spiritual walk.

[AreYouReady?]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

But. . . . .

. . . .Is she pretty?



Actually, this reminds me of one of my favorite lines in a Bond movie:

Bond: "Is she pretty?"
Tonaka: "She has a face like a pig."

Ugliness is not the only thing that can stop a clock or break a mirror...

Some women use their good looks as a weapon. Evah hear of "Killer Looks"?

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Evenuntodeath

Ok, Let me explain. BTW, Im so glad you created this topic.

Yes I feel that singleness is misunderstood in that the primary focus on helping singles in ministering to lonliness and lust. While these are common problems there are many struggles singles deal with which can be just as much a hinderance as the above.

For me my main struggles are fear(fear of loving again, fear of rejection), self esteem(confident that someone will want me), forgiveness(past hurts), the longing of having children..

I feel that stuggles with being single are somewhat different for men than for women. For women there is a huge emotional aspect in being single and I find few singles ministries touch on this . Many singles ministries mainly focus preventing compulsive sins without getting to the root cause of these sins. Hence why many singles continue to go around in circles and get no where in their spiritual walk.

I agree!

And, to tell a single person that ALL they need is God to fulfill all their needs......I get what they are trying to say, but it's just not true.

Sitting at a restaurant alone talking to God just isn't the same as sharing a good meal with a warm body across the table.

God can be there for you, and give you peace when you are going through something, but sometimes a big ole soft shoulder to sink your face into is so missed.

I really struggle with those that want to tell you just let God be your everything - - knowing all the while what they are meaning.

And, that's not even bringing into the conversation personal, sexual needs.

Know what I mean?

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

Ugliness is not the only thing that can stop a clock or break a mirror...

Some women use their good looks as a weapon. Evah hear of "Killer Looks"?

I know I know. Ya gotta work harder on understanding my unique style of sarcasm and what some would even call "wit".

My sons mother was stunning in her own way but would have been hellish to live with had we gotten married. Extremely hot tempered.

[AreYouReady?]

When I was single for so many years, the thing I missed the most was ...touch. The hug from female friends is quite different from a hug of a significant other.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

When I was single for so many years, the thing I missed the most was ...touch. The hug from female friends is quite different from a hug of a significant other.

Agreed.

[AreYouReady?]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

I know I know. Ya gotta work harder on understanding my unique style of sarcasm and what some would even call "wit".

My sons mother was stunning in her own way but would have been hellish to live with had we gotten married. Extremely hot tempered.

I'll try to work on it... but....ya gotta understand it's hard to consider wit while looking at THAT avatar.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by Evenuntodeath

Ok, Let me explain. BTW, Im so glad you created this topic.

Yes I feel that singleness is misunderstood in that the primary focus on helping singles in ministering to lonliness and lust. While these are common problems there are many struggles singles deal with which can be just as much a hinderance as the above.

For me my main struggles are fear(fear of loving again, fear of rejection), self esteem(confident that someone will want me), forgiveness(past hurts), the longing of having children..

I feel that stuggles with being single are somewhat different for men than for women. For women there is a huge emotional aspect in being single and I find few singles ministries touch on this . Many singles ministries mainly focus preventing compulsive sins without getting to the root cause of these sins. Hence why many singles continue to go around in circles and get no where in their spiritual walk.

Amen.

One thing I'm thankful for is that I'm 38, have been married, had kids, been divorced, and had a relationship with a lady. I feel pretty solid. I'm secure in the fact that I'm attractive.

I think I might struggle with a little fear of rejection. I might even have to heal from some past hurts. For me... just the thought of marriage and relationships is starting to exhaust me. I just want peace, quiet, self respect/development, and a life of study and prayer.

The forgetting about ever having intimacy, kissing, hugging, touch, or sex thing troubles me most about being single... but who wants to be in a relationship or a marriage just for sex? That's extremely foolish. I mean... at it's worst, being single and caring for your own needs through prayer and reflection doesn't carry half the baggage, distraction, confusion, or heart ache.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

When I was single for so many years, the thing I missed the most was ...touch. The hug from female friends is quite different from a hug of a significant other.

I realize "touch" as you call it, is more important for women (and girly men) than for a normal man, but even us men need some form of physical contact with a living creature, which is why THESE can go a long way to filling certain gaps.

http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w...s/DSC01270.jpg

http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w..._1499Small.jpg

http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w...s/_MG_2126.jpg

Noticing a pattern here?

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

I realize "touch" as you call it, is more important for women (and girly men) than for a normal man, but even us men need some form of physical contact with a living creature, which is why THESE can go a long way to filling certain gaps.

Made me smile.