Advice: The Single Christian - Page 9

Cindy · #81 03-11-2013, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farfel

Sorry, had to do it.

I use to love that song.

Evenuntodeath · #82 03-11-2013, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rgcraig

I agree!

And, to tell a single person that ALL they need is God to fulfill all their needs......I get what they are trying to say, but it's just not true.

Sitting at a restaurant alone talking to God just isn't the same as sharing a good meal with a warm body across the table.

God can be there for you, and give you peace when you are going through something, but sometimes a big ole soft shoulder to sink your face into is so missed.

I really struggle with those that want to tell you just let God be your everything - - knowing all the while what they are meaning.

And, that's not even bringing into the conversation personal, sexual needs.

Know what I mean?

THANK YOU. I am SICK of apostolics giving singles the same old tired responses "you re never lonely with jesus", "wait on God" etc etc. While many singles are losing the battle with satan and leaving the church, or marrying outside.

God should be first in any believers life, but people down play the importance of having a mate. Basically singles are just told to suck it up, often given this advice by church members who were married young.

Esther · #83 03-11-2013, 10:09 PM

Aquilla, your situation is not at all unexpected. God made us with certain desires. Some have stronger than others. And old business saying goes like this; if in doubt, don't. That will work for you more than you realize.

The relationship you are in now sounds like a nightmare getting ready to happen. I think it is only fair to the lady to let her know you are having doubts about a permament relationship. I know someone that married someone that sounds exactly like your lady that is very, very controlling. I can't imagine telling any adult who they can talk to where they can go,etc. but that seems to be the way some operate.

Everyone needs flesh and blood to touch and talk to on occassion. But the answer you are seeking I don't really have. Perhaps part of it, but not all.

I have been married longer than I have been single, and as we have gotten older we have both mellowed quite a bit. Many never thought our marriage would last. But neither of us is in any way controlling. We both had to learn to give and I had to learn to just keep my mouth shut on some opinions. I think when you live with someone for many, many years you know very well what will push their buttons.

I would hate to be single after being married for so long, but this advice I will give you free of charge;

marry someone you have a friendship with more than you have a strong lust for. As you get older the latter will wain and the former will be more important to you.

Dedicated Mind · #84 03-11-2013, 10:40 PM

Aquila, I think you are being entirely too hard on yourself. Paul had a thorn in the flesh. your thorn could be being single. God said, "my strength is made perfect in weakness, my grace is sufficient for thee". i have been divorced for 13 years and celibate for more than 12. I have the occasional bout with lust and internet porn, but these have become fewer and more time in between. if you are not 100 percent confident of your current mate, you should break up and be very selective waiting for the right one. occasional bouts with lust or porn are not going to send you to hell, God understands your heart, your situation and your limits. my advice is to break up, don't sweat the lust, forgive yourself for your weakness and wait for the right one or none at all if you can determine the benefits of singleness and learn to forgive yourself for your shortcomings. hee hee pun intended lighten up dude

KeptByTheWord · #85 03-11-2013, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Aquila, go with your gut and face the feelings you are having.

If she's talking marriage and you aren't feeling it, you need to be upfront with her. And soon.

Holding on to this relationship that isn't right for you could be hindering you from finding the right person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Break up to tonight.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rgcraig

If she acts like this now it will only get worse after she's "got you."

Quote:

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

I think this is why so many Christian marriages fail. They marry for the wrong reasons. You are right to stop and take a big breath.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esther

I would hate to be single after being married for so long, but this advice I will give you free of charge;

marry someone you have a friendship with more than you have a strong lust for. As you get older the latter will wain and the former will be more important to you.

to all of the above advice! I came to this post late in the discussion... wow 9 pages already today!

Agree with all of the above quoted... plus one other thing I might say. Perhaps all your anxieties about another marriage are because you are scared of being married to this girl, deep inside.

When it is right, you will know, there will be no doubts, and like one other person said ... you won't be able to live without her... when she is right for you.

Of course, breaking off the relationship now will be tough... but it may be that you can't move on to the next adventures in your life, until you've completed this chapter. Break it off... and wait on the Lord for your next move. You've expressed wanting to be able to do that (wait on the Lord, study and pray), and this may be the Lord calling you onward to a deeper more adventuresome place in Him, and you never know, the girl of your dreams may be a part of that. Don't settle for less.

I applaud your courage and honesty in dealing with this difficult decision in such a candid way. Will be adding this situation to my daily AFF prayer list!

Aquila · #86 03-12-2013, 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dedicated Mind

Aquila, I think you are being entirely too hard on yourself. Paul had a thorn in the flesh. your thorn could be being single. God said, "my strength is made perfect in weakness, my grace is sufficient for thee". i have been divorced for 13 years and celibate for more than 12. I have the occasional bout with lust and internet porn, but these have become fewer and more time in between. if you are not 100 percent confident of your current mate, you should break up and be very selective waiting for the right one. occasional bouts with lust or porn are not going to send you to hell, God understands your heart, your situation and your limits. my advice is to break up, don't sweat the lust, forgive yourself for your weakness and wait for the right one or none at all if you can determine the benefits of singleness and learn to forgive yourself for your shortcomings. hee hee pun intended lighten up dude

lol

Thank you bro.