What are some of the signs a pastor is a control freak?
First, control freaks use guilt. My wife and I recently visited a church where the music leader gave a talk before the offering. He told the people how much he loved the church but then chided them for not being as committed as he was, exclaiming, “Shame on you!” Translation: there’s something wrong with you if you’re not as committed as I am.
Then the pastor told us that he’s tired of reading how millions of people are leaving local churches, saying that it made him mad! Translation: if you ever leave this church, I’m going to get really ticked off at you.
While guilting works with a small segment of the Christian population, it rarely works with most people. When the Spirit of God convicts us – especially through God’s Word – we feel true guilt. But when someone is trying to push their personal preferences onto us, most of us see through it.
Leaders – including pastors – must appeal to higher instincts instead.
Second, control freaks use manipulation. I once saw a televangelist do some fundraising inside an auditorium. He told the congregation to stand up, so they all stood. He then said, “Listen to the man of God!” He told the men to take out their wallets and the women to open their purses – and to donate all their money when the offering plates came around. He punctuated his appeal by reiterating, “Listen to the man of God!” (I didn’t see him give anything.)
Thank God I was at home, because if I had been in that auditorium, I might have walked out.
I once ran across the difference between manipulation and motivation. When a leader
manipulates people, he tries to get them to do what is in
his best interests. When a leader
motivates people, he tries to get them to do what is in
their best interests.
So if a pastor encourages his congregation to donate money to the ministry to inflate his stats or so he can get a raise, he’s manipulating people. But if he encourages them to give to expand Christ’s kingdom or so they can grow spiritually, he’s motivating them.
Pastors need to monitor their emotions, language, and tone when they speak to make sure they’re engaged in motivation, not manipulation.
Third, control freaks are insensitive. They are so in tune with their own discomfort that they cannot sense when they are making others uncomfortable.
As a pastor, I ministered to various kinds of people. Some could barely walk or hear. Others felt rejected by almost everyone in the culture. Some had no job or money. Others kept doubting their salvation.
I tried to listen to each person who came to me with a struggle. I tried to understand how they were feeling and how I might be able to help them. Every caring shepherd does this.
But control freaks can’t be bothered. They don’t see people as individuals but as part of a congregation they need to whip into shape. Everyone needs to be going in the same direction at the same speed. If you can’t keep up, they’ll leave you behind.
Years ago, I saw the film
Lawrence of Arabia starring Peter O’Toole. There’s a scene where Lawrence is riding all night with some warriors to attack the coastal city of Aqaba. When daylight comes, Lawrence notices that one of the horses lacks a rider. When Lawrence inquires about him, he’s told that the man fell off miles back and should be left to die.
But Lawrence can’t do that. He reverses field and rides back for hours until he finds the man immobilized on the hot ground. Lawrence places the man on his horse and rides back toward Aqaba. When he arrives with the man near dusk, Lawrence becomes the undisputed leader of the invading party.
He cared about every single person.
Control freaks don’t mind losing people along the way. In fact, they expect it. “If you can’t get with my program,” they reason, “then I don’t want you around here anyway.” They only care about those who can help them reach their goals. Everyone else is dispensible – especially those who require too much attention.
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