Quote:
Originally Posted by Rico
Thank you D. I know that God has me here for a reason. I keep that in the back of my mind every time I am on my way back home from a trip up north. I've been looking for an opening, anything, for me to be able to move back up there and it just seems that that door has been closed. When I got home from my last trip up there I told my wife I wasn't going to go back any more because I realized that my life is here now. But then, when I look at my life here, I get so disgusted I just want to run. At other times in my life I could just pray the answers down, if that makes any sense to you, but my faith has to be at the weakest point it's ever been in in my entire life. I mean, the thought of going to church totally turns me off. I didn't go to Bro Campbell's funeral because I just knew that I would go off on the first person that thought it appropriate to come tell me how lost I am in their eyes and I, well, I just didn't want to have to deal with the attitude I knew I would find if I went. I know I am rambling some but there's just a lot of stuff coming to the surface right now.
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Ramble on brother... ramble on. Sometimes we need to ramble.
You know... a weight lifter is at his weakest point when he has the big weights above his head.
Everyone else looks on in awe at the load he is carrying but he is at his weakest because is near his limit and has no more strength to give beyond what he is exerting right now.
Some are weak because they never struggle.
Some are weak because they are the apex of their struggle and it is taking their strength.
The latter is not truly weak. He is just spent.
It is good that you made this thread today for 2 reasons.
1. Your brethren can (hopefully) offer some words that will give you some hope & strength.
2. It will be able to serve as a mark to look back on when, in due time, the answer comes and you can look back at this thread and be reminded how thankful you are for Gods hand when it finally came through.
I would also leave you this one other thought.
I have found that when God comes through on the really tough trials. The ones that test your strength, your limits, your abilities.
I have found that they tend to end abruptly. The answer tends to be fast, complete and overwhelming.
I told you of the change that has happened for me recently. That isn't the first time I have been through a rough trial that tested me so completely.
One other time was similar to yours.
I had 3 vehicles and it took all I had to just keep one running well enough to get me to work and back.
For 8 months we fought this. To this day when we drive down the road there aren't may places we can point and say "We broke down there before". My kids laugh when I say that but it was serious.
My wife, baby daughter and I walking down the interstate.
Taking 2-1/2 hours each way to get to a job 35 miles away.
Not being able to pay my bills because it took every penny I made just to keep a car running and not lose my job.
It was long and I thought sometimes that it would never end.
I would hold on and have faith and then I would lose it.
I remember behind Church's chicken my car died and my battery was dead. I felt it was time to set God straight. I told him "You can make the lightning go from the east to the west and all I need is 12 tiny volts"
Shortly thereafter the answer came and I felt bad. If I had just held on.
The next time I did better but I still found my breaking point and set God straight again. Shortly thereafter another answer came and I felt bad again.
This continued for 8 months until one day the pastor said "Brother... I see a light at the end of the tunnel... and it isn't a train. The answer is going to come soon and from a source you never expected"
I had finally learned faith and obedience.
The next day on the way to work my transmission broke. I was under my car working on it in the driving rain with 1/2" of rain parting around me like a sand bar in a river. But I smiled. Because the man of God said the answer was on it's way and I had finally learned to believe and never give up.
Not long after that a man visited my house. He said... my preacher preached on Jesus turning the water into wine today. Do you know why Jesus turned the water into wine? No one was dying... no one was going to hell.
I didn't know. He said "Just to make people happy"
He reached in his pocket and took the keys to a car that he had bought and spent thousands of dollars making a faithful car out of it.
He threw them across my living room to me and said "Here... just to make you happy"
I am crying now as I remember when that load was lifted off of me.
It was sudden... it was complete... it was overwhelming.
Brother... there is a light at the end of the tunnel... and it is not a train.
Hold on for 2 things....
Hold on and keep your faith as best as you can.
Also...
Hold on for the sudden, complete & overwhelming answer that will come... in time.
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