I wonder, are any of you also adopted?

[Tithesmeister]

Originally Posted by Wilsonwas

Do adopted people then mimic the family dynamic of the adoptive family ? Those mannerisms that are not geneticly passed then have to be learned behavior that adds on top of the genetic predispositions.

This is interesting in that as persons - as noted by a previous poster - grafted into the family of Christ - put on these mannerisms from the infilling of the spirit much like Adopted persons do.

That is an interesting point.

[1ofthechosen]

Originally Posted by n david

Unless the child was orphaned, I don't know that I would tell them they were adopted. Especially if they were adopted as a baby or toddler.

What would you have said when they found out? I was told I was adopted too early when I couldn't wrap my mind around it and it made me feel picked over sub conciously most my life. There has to be a balance somewhere but you are saying you would never tell them.

[1ofthechosen]

Originally Posted by Wilsonwas

The real pain was having to write I dont know on medical forms. If there is something that open adoption gets rid of it is the loss of acess to history, that without you just dont feel like you are quite the same as others.

Man I totally understand about this bro. Your right, I got blood clots and the Drs took blood and told me it was a genetic disposition. Who even knows If that's correct I don't even know who they are. The only blood relative I've ever met in this world is my son.

[Wilsonwas]

Originally Posted by 1ofthechosen

Man I totally understand about this bro. Your right, I got blood clots and the Drs took blood and told me it was a genetic disposition. Who even knows If that's correct I don't even know who they are. The only blood relative I've ever met in this world is my son.

Yes, yes, this.

You really feel kinda different because they look at you like, how do you not know.

And, you could have been doing something, or not, that would improve or not occur if you knew. But you cant know, unless you have enough tips to allow someone to help you find the bio folk. I was blessed, many are not so fortunate. I still dont know who dad was, so there is a 50% chance of something I dont know getting me.

So....the docs order extra tests, which is better, but costs more and is a hassle.

I had help from a person called a search angel, she knew people in a network of folks, that dont mind opening these records for a peak, to get you info. I had just enough to find my youngest siblings only. From there I got more names and used fbook to get to my eldest sister. She introduced me to the rest.

[Wilsonwas]

......and my adoptive mom had the paperwork that would hsve made the search a much faster thing. And more certain.

A sister my age, so she would have been a kid too, was the one that told me the whole church knew, crazy, they all acted surprised when I told some folks at our engagement party, and later after I found my bio fam.

Is secrecy a form of lying? Not that I ask to start a church bash session, but rather why then would not someone have acknowledged it after there was no reason to keep it?

[1ofthechosen]

Originally Posted by Wilsonwas

......and my adoptive mom had the paperwork that would hsve made the search a much faster thing. And more certain.

A sister my age, so she would have been a kid too, was the one that told me the whole church knew, crazy, they all acted surprised when I told some folks at our engagement party, and later after I found my bio fam.

Is secrecy a form of lying? Not that I ask to start a church bash session, but rather why then would not someone have acknowledged it after there was no reason to keep it?

That's strange, I mean maybe they were all scared of crossing your parents. Plus they didn't want to be the one to have to explain it all, it is a awkward situation, especially if it's really none of your business. Idk, thats the best explaination I can come up with.

[Wilsonwas]

Originally Posted by 1ofthechosen

That's strange, I mean maybe they were all scared of crossing your parents. Plus they didn't want to be the one to have to explain it all, it is a awkward situation, especially if it's really none of your business. Idk, thats the best explaination I can come up with.

Yeah, most likely all of the above.

[derAlte]

I was not adopted, but as a step-child for most of my growing up years, not feeling like I really belonged inspired my decades-long passion for genealogy. I wanted to know how I personally fit into the history of the world and, after four decades of working on it, I now know. I also know how my children and grandchildren do as well. It’s a story almost too wild to be true. I never knew my relatives would have roots in Mexico, Africa, Asia, the Middle East, Native America, as well as Northern and Southern Europe. We just need an Australian Aborigine and someone from the Indian subcontinent and we’ll have the whole world covered. I’ll have to have a word with my grandkids when they get a little older!

Several years ago I discovered another useful tool in my research…DNA testing. I’ve had my whole family done and this has led to another fun hobby. The company I tested with provides you with those in their database who have matching DNA. Several matches have turned out to be adoptees who are looking for their birth parents.

Twice now, I have been able to help two 4th cousins track down their birth parents just by triangulating how our mutual matches connect. It’s fun for me, but very bittersweet for the adoptees. One must be very sensitive to their feelings, as well as those of still-living parents who for various reasons gave their children up for adoption.

The DNA thing can reveal all sorts of surprises and one must be open to whatever the truth is because DNA doesn’t lie.

I had a great-great-great grandmother who suddenly appears in the records of 1850s Oregon. We know nothing else about her. I realized one day that one of my mother’s first cousins carried this woman’s mitochondrial DNA. I speculated that perhaps my mysterious ancestor was Native American and her mitochondrial DNA would confirm my suspicion. My mother’s cousin was (and still is) a game old gal and enthusiastically agreed to submit a DNA test at my expense.

We ultimately discovered that the mysterious ancestor was of European ancestry. But to my shock and dismay, we also discovered the man who had raised her and loved her as his own was not her biological father. I felt like dog meat having to tell her this. It came out that she had suspected it for years as she didn’t physically resemble her siblings. I felt duty-bound to give my dear relative some answers. To make a long story short, I was able to triangulate between her DNA matches and we were able to narrow down her father to one of three long-dead brothers. We contacted two complete strangers who were their elderly children. Both graciously agreed to DNA test, and one of them turned out to be her half-sister. Now in her eighth decade, my mother’s cousin has an answer to a question that has nagged her all her life.

I tell you all this to encourage adoptees to try DNA testing if you want some answers. I just about guarantee you’ll get some. I recommend 23andMe as a DNA testing company because they provide you with more information than others. If you are male, knowing your Y-DNA haplogroup as well has your mitochondrial haplogroup is really useful information when trying to track down lost parents. 23andMe provides this. If you want to know more, PM me.

[Wilsonwas]

Originally Posted by derAlte

I was not adopted, but as a step-child for most of my growing up years, not feeling like I really belonged inspired my decades-long passion for genealogy. I wanted to know how I personally fit into the history of the world and, after four decades of working on it, I now know. I also know how my children and grandchildren do as well. It’s a story almost too wild to be true. I never knew my relatives would have roots in Mexico, Africa, Asia, the Middle East, Native America, as well as Northern and Southern Europe. We just need an Australian Aborigine and someone from the Indian subcontinent and we’ll have the whole world covered. I’ll have to have a word with my grandkids when they get a little older!

Several years ago I discovered another useful tool in my research…DNA testing. I’ve had my whole family done and this has led to another fun hobby. The company I tested with provides you with those in their database who have matching DNA. Several matches have turned out to be adoptees who are looking for their birth parents.

Twice now, I have been able to help two 4th cousins track down their birth parents just by triangulating how our mutual matches connect. It’s fun for me, but very bittersweet for the adoptees. One must be very sensitive to their feelings, as well as those of still-living parents who for various reasons gave their children up for adoption.

The DNA thing can reveal all sorts of surprises and one must be open to whatever the truth is because DNA doesn’t lie.

I had a great-great-great grandmother who suddenly appears in the records of 1850s Oregon. We know nothing else about her. I realized one day that one of my mother’s first cousins carried this woman’s mitochondrial DNA. I speculated that perhaps my mysterious ancestor was Native American and her mitochondrial DNA would confirm my suspicion. My mother’s cousin was (and still is) a game old gal and enthusiastically agreed to submit a DNA test at my expense.

We ultimately discovered that the mysterious ancestor was of European ancestry. But to my shock and dismay, we also discovered the man who had raised her and loved her as his own was not her biological father. I felt like dog meat having to tell her this. It came out that she had suspected it for years as she didn’t physically resemble her siblings. I felt duty-bound to give my dear relative some answers. To make a long story short, I was able to triangulate between her DNA matches and we were able to narrow down her father to one of three long-dead brothers. We contacted two complete strangers who were their elderly children. Both graciously agreed to DNA test, and one of them turned out to be her half-sister. Now in her eighth decade, my mother’s cousin has an answer to a question that has nagged her all her life.

I tell you all this to encourage adoptees to try DNA testing if you want some answers. I just about guarantee you’ll get some. I recommend 23andMe as a DNA testing company because they provide you with more information than others. If you are male, knowing your Y-DNA haplogroup as well has your mitochondrial haplogroup is really useful information when trying to track down lost parents. 23andMe provides this. If you want to know more, PM me.

Thank you, yes I had planned to do this. I have found the
Mothers side and they are now my family. The Dad, maybe I will need to figure out by this method. We know my Sister has a different dad, and my two younger siblings also. No one knows who bio-mom might have met, but the state of California knew I have two half siblings on that side- no names were given. Perhaps if they had also done dna testing we could find them.

Much touchier on that side- the dad was married. I am sure it could be very difficult to impugn his reputation should that affair never have been known.

[Mosby48]

I was adopted at 3 days of age. I was told about being adopted at a young age. But my adopted parents would never speak of it or give me any information. This went on until I was nearly 60. Then my daughter was suspected of having a genetic disease. My adopted mother told me I needed to see if it ran in my family. I looked at her like she had fallen out of a tree and told her I knew nothing about my family. She looked at me (she was 84 at the time) and said "I do." She told me who my mother was and where she used to live. I called my wife and told her and by the time I drove 4 miles to my house, she and my daughter knew her married name and that I had 4 half sisters and a mother 30 miles away.