I can see where things like this could happen, I am thinking now of several new converts that we have in our church. They are so happy, and thankful for the lives that God has brought them out of, and so in love with the church and the pastor, that if he were not an ethical man of God, he could probably get them to agree with and do a lot of things that they shouldn't. Because they respect and trust him. Just something to consider.
Bingo! Even when one is in an unhealthy church, it is usually a slow process.
First, many have come to know God at their church. If someone doesn't have much background in the Bible or churches, they don't have anything to go by to compare how things should be when a church is healthy. So, here they are, new and excited! They want to be involved, normally look up to the pastor, and are open to whatever is taught.
So the unhealthy leadership (and saints, too) start teaching about obedience and about rules (and yes, there are spoken and unspoken rules). They speak of submission to authority. It's told that rebellion is as witchcraft. Things are shared that show one must remain in that local congregation. The church down the road, not living up to standards or whatever, is mentioned at times. You are the only church in the area with the truth. The list goes on.
So the person then learns that the pastor is the final authority. They must obey him or be rebellious. They want to be saved (as some tried to point out), so even when they don't agree or question something, they do it anyway. Perhaps their understanding is skewed right now. Surely pastor knows better than they and since he is watching for our souls and we don't want him to have to give God a bad account of us, we jump when he says jump.
The person may sometimes wonder if this is right, but that thought is dismissed. Questioning is seen as a negative. It's for God, so wrongdoings are sometimes ignored or rationalized in one's mind. They want to be saved. What a stronghold that one is if a person is in an unhealthy church!
And to make things even harder, throw in the often said comments like, "If the pastor is doing wrong, we must let God handle it. We'd be touching God's anointed if we did anything."
So it isn't so simple to "just walk away" from a scenario with these features. One is afraid for their soul. They don't want to be in rebellion. They don't want the pastor to give God a bad report on them (such a misused passage). If they leave, they may be leaving God. And maybe it's somehow just all them to begin with as they could be doing more, praying more, fasting more, etc. Somehow they just don't quite measure up.
These things will sound familiar to those who have experienced them. To those who discredit it in their mind, hopefully you never experience or never have a loved one who does.
One note, for those having trouble reading the Bible. Get another version to read. It often helps. You can always go back to whatever version (usually KJV) that you used in the unhealthy church once you have overcome this obstacle. If anyone needs another version because they just can't get themselves to read the one they have, PM me. I may be able to send you one, either a complete or a New Testament only. This is something my site has been doing this year.
This may be it for this evening and I have work tomorrow, so I will post again when I am able.
Last edited by Sarge; 11-05-2007 at 10:44 PM.
Reason: spelling
Thanks, too, to whoever changed my moderated status.
One quick note before signing off tonight- just because one talks about this subject doesn't mean they must still be hurt, angry, bitter or any of the other negatives. Think about it this way: Many testify as to how they used to be before they turned to God. They aren't wallowing in those memories by doing so, nor are they glorifying them. They are simply testifying as to God's delivering power.
In the same way, people who have been subject to spiritual abuse can do the same thing. They aren't where they were before; God brought them through. And in sharing, they can help and touch someone who is not yet where they are. Just as testifying as to where we were before the Lord can touch someone who was like what we were and help them, so can speaking up about spiritual abuse.
Ah, finally! Much thanks to the admin who fixed my account so I could post. Those from FCF may remember me and I decided to sign up with the same screen name. This topic is one dear to my heart and I wanted to share concerning it.
STS, you brought up a very valid subject of spiritual abuse. While some deny it happens, some minimalize it, and some tell you to 'get over it', while others call names like 'backslid' in an attempt to discredit what is shared.....none of those things will ever negate the fact that abuse occurs in churches.
I have read a good portion of this thread and even though I deal in this area every day, I still shake my head at some of the comments made which show the writer lacks understanding. Anyone who can simply say something like, "You should have left! You have free will and two legs!" needs to learn the many things that come into play when things like this happen in a church. It's a slow indoctrinating process and the person most times doesn't realize what is happening at the time.
I'd like to be able to share some insights if members here can allow me to do so and not make this focus on me or my site. Regardless of what anyone thinks of me, spiritual abuse happens and unfortunately it happens more often than many realize. When one hears from many people all over the USA and elsewhere, over numerous years, there is a problem. It's not a small one and people need to face it. Why is it that some Christians like to "kill their own?".
Anyway, I may not get to post much until tomorrow. I was ready to previously, but there was a minor problem of getting the account activated.
Sis it is so good to see you....I don't know if you remember me...we have had many conversations in the past....I hope your doing well, I have come a long way....and have you among others to thank for it...God bless you and I hope you will be here often as you can I know your a busy person...Much love to you sis...and Blessings too...I feel like I have just seen a old friend that has been away for a long time....
Thanks, The Mrs. I see familiar faces, so to speak, in this thread.
It can be difficult discussing a sensitive issue like this in an open forum. You've seen what can happen.
Understand that my responses are slowed down right now until I am removed from moderated status.
The most difficult aspect of spiritual abuse is when the person leaves God, a point that was touched on in this thread. Everyone handles an unhealthy church environment somewhat differently, though there are basic things that occur. To have someone exposed to this and then give up with God is one extreme that can occur.
I have always felt for those who cannot seem to separate the false understanding of God from how God really is. If I could, I'd wipe that away from everyone it affects. There are even cases where the person realizes that God isn't how they perceived Him to be due to the unhealthy teachings, but they cannot seem to totally break from that and yet are concerned God may be that way.
What I am speaking of is the view of God as a harsh taskmaster- never really pleased with us, maybe even anxiously awaiting for us to mess up somehow so He can do away with us or have the rapture take place so we'd be left behind. People give up because they feel they can never measure up, not realizing the expectations are not God's, but man's.
You have people right on this board who are presently in this state and have stopped pursuing much of a walk with God because their view is so distorted. Or, they are yet in the unhealthy church and regularly become fearful that they aren't right with God because he expects so much and sometimes even changes the rules along the way (their perception).
There is help for either state. One doesn't have to remain there.
There's soooo many aspects of this subject. If you've been hurt in this way, you don't have to remain negatively affected. If you are angry or bitter, you can get past there. If you are confused as to what God wants, you can know. If you are having trouble differentiating between man's rules and God's, you can have clarity. If Bible passages trigger times where the scriptures were used against you, you can overcome that and read the Bible again with proper understanding.
There is always hope for anyone who has been touched by spiritual abuse. There is no case that is too difficult or hurtful to overcome with the help of God. One doesn't have to remain where they are, no matter how difficult the road ahead may be.
My heart has been on a roller coaster the past couple of days...and I have to tell you the love and support I have felt is such a salve to my heart...and to have Sarge here....stating so clearly what everyone has been trying to say...I am going to bed tonight with a smile and prayers on my lips for my friends here....bless you all and I hope you all have a wonderful night!!!
I have always felt for those who cannot seem to separate the false understanding of God from how God really is. If I could, I'd wipe that away from everyone it affects. There are even cases where the person realizes that God isn't how they perceived Him to be due to the unhealthy teachings, but they cannot seem to totally break from that and yet are concerned God may be that way.
What I am speaking of is the view of God as a harsh taskmaster- never really pleased with us, maybe even anxiously awaiting for us to mess up somehow so He can do away with us or have the rapture take place so we'd be left behind. People give up because they feel they can never measure up, not realizing the expectations are not God's, but man's.
You have people right on this board who are presently in this state and have stopped pursuing much of a walk with God because their view is so distorted. Or, they are yet in the unhealthy church and regularly become fearful that they aren't right with God because he expects so much and sometimes even changes the rules along the way (their perception).
There is help for either state. One doesn't have to remain there.
There's soooo many aspects of this subject. If you've been hurt in this way, you don't have to remain negatively affected. If you are angry or bitter, you can get past there. If you are confused as to what God wants, you can know. If you are having trouble differentiating between man's rules and God's, you can have clarity. If Bible passages trigger times where the scriptures were used against you, you can overcome that and read the Bible again with proper understanding.
There is always hope for anyone who has been touched by spiritual abuse. There is no case that is too difficult or hurtful to overcome with the help of God. One doesn't have to remain where they are, no matter how difficult the road ahead may be.
Great post!!
This wrong thinking which gives way to a distorted perception of God is demonic in its origin because it brings torment and not godly sorrow. Any thoughts that cause us to want to give up serving our wonderful Creator are not from God whether the preacher speaks them or whether they are just thoughts in our minds.
When we fall, God is a good Father and picks us up. He doesn't kick us when we're down. The devil is the accuser of the brethren not the uplifter of the brethren.
__________________
His banner over me is LOVE.... My soul followeth hard after thee....Love one another with a pure heart fervently. Jesus saith unto her, Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God?
To be a servant of God, it will cost us our total commitment to God, and God alone. His burden must be our burden... Sis Alvear
My soul followeth hard after thee....Love one another with a pure heart fervently. 
Linear Mode
