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11-14-2007, 04:56 PM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 111
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Barb
Okay...cool!!
I was going to start a thread because I'm in the jovial mood myself, but you beat me to it. 
Picture it...a nine year old child is traveling and singing Southern Gospel with her family. She steps to the mic and begins to sing, not a gospel song, but My Favorite Things from the Sound of Music.
After the applause, her father says, "Olivia, that was a great list of favorite things for a nine year old little girl...but we have folks here tonight that look like they might be a little older than that.
Do you have a list of things that are important to them?!"
And she sings... 
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings
Bundles of magazines tied up in strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses
Pacemakers, golf carts, and porches with swings
These are a few of my favorite things
When the pipes leak, when the bones creak
When the knees go bad
Just simply remember your favorite things
And then you won't feel so bad
Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring
These are a few of my favorite things
Back pains, confused brains, always something needs mended
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin'
And we won't mention your short, shrunken frames
When we remember your favorite things
When the joints ache, when the hips break
When the eyes grow dim
Just simply remember the great life you've had
And then you won't feel so bad |
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamor
HAHAHAHA!!!
Where did you get this? Did you write it? It's great!
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It's from the Collingsworth Family. . .their daughter Olivia sings it. It's really funny. . . .
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11-14-2007, 04:57 PM
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www.capitalcommunity.ca
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 4,300
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pianoman
Now! Now!  That happens to be one of my favorites!  |
Funny, my wife's too...she only gets to control the stereo from nov 12-dec 25!!!!!
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11-14-2007, 05:03 PM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 111
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Here is another one that always makes me laugh. . .(to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen) 
1. The restroom door said Gentlemen
So I just walked inside
I took two steps and realized
I'd been taken for a ride
I heard high voices turned and found
The place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies, and a nurse
What could be worse?
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.
2. The restroom door said Gentlemen
It must have been a gag
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag
She sprayed me with a can of mace
And snapped me with her bag.
I could tell this just wouldn't be my day
What can I say?
It just wasn't turning out to be my day.
3. The restroom door said Gentlemen
And I would like to find
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign
Cause I've got two black eyes
And one high heel up my behind
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy
Boy, oh, boy
No, I'll never sit with comfort and joy.
 :
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11-14-2007, 05:09 PM
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www.capitalcommunity.ca
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 4,300
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I just took this pic in my office...I'm jammin' me some "Bow-Legged Rudolph"
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11-14-2007, 05:10 PM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 111
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And yet another hilarious one. . .we did this in a skit form at a company Christmas party. . .
The Twelve Pains At Christmas
The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is:
Finding a Christmas tree.
The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is:
Husband (2): Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is:
Inebriated man (3): Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is:
Frustrated man (4): Sending Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is:
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Sending Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is:
Frustrated wife (6): Facing my in-laws,
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Oh, I hate those Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up these lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is:
Angry man (7): The Salvation Army,
6: Facing my in-laws,
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Sending Christmas cards,
3: Oh, Jeez!
2: I'm trying to rig up these lights!
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is:
Loud kid (8): I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!
7: Charities
6: And what do you mean, "your in-laws"?!?
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Oh, making out these cards,
3: Edith, get me a beer, huh?
2: What? We have no extension cords?!?
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is:
Another frustrated man (9): No parking spaces,
8: DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!
7: Donations!
6: Facing my in-laws,
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Writing out those Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Now why the hell are they blinking?!?
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is:
Toy-commercial voice (10): "Batteries not included",
9: No parking spaces,
8: BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!!
7: Get a job, ya bum!!!
6: (sobbing) Oh, facing my in-laws,
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Yo, ho! Sending Christmas cards,
3: Oh, Jeez, look at this!
2: One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is:
TV Critic (11): Stale TV specials,
10: "Batteries not included",
9: No parking spaces,
8: I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!!
7: Charities!!
6: (sobbing) She's a witch! I hate her!
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!
3: Oh, who's got the toilet paper?
2: Get a flashlight!! I blew a fuse!!!
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is:
A few guys: Singing Christmas Carols,
11: Stale TV specials,
10: "Batteries not included",
9: No parking?
8: WAAAAAAH!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
7: Charities!
6: Gotta make 'em dinner!
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: I'm not sending them this year, that's it!
3: Shut up, you!
2: FINE!! If you're so smart, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!!!
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
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11-14-2007, 06:32 PM
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Resident PeaceMaker
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Jackson,AL.
Posts: 16,548
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Monkeyman
I just took this pic in my office...I'm jammin' me some "Bow-Legged Rudolph"
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How do you like the Gretsch ? Those are really nice country guitars.
__________________
People who are always looking for fault,can find it easily all they have to do,is look into their mirror.
There they can find plenty of fault.
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11-14-2007, 08:20 PM
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www.capitalcommunity.ca
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 4,300
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scott Hutchinson
How do you like the Gretsch ? Those are really nice country guitars.
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Hey, my geetar, "Cheeto" don't play no country!!!
I love playing it, really smooth.
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11-14-2007, 08:36 PM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 384
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My favorite:
It's a marshmallow world in the winter
When the snow comes to cover the ground
It's the time for play, it's a whipped cream day
I wait for it the whole year round.
Those are marshmallow clouds being friendly
In the arms of the evergreen trees
And the sun is red like a pumpkin head
It's shining so your nose wont freeze.
The world is your snowball, see how it grows
Thats how it goes whenever it snows
The world is your snowball just for a song
Get out and roll it along
It's a yum-yummy world made for sweethearts
Take a walk with your favorite girl
It's a sugar date, what if spring is late
In winter it's a marshmallow world.
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11-14-2007, 08:38 PM
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www.capitalcommunity.ca
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 4,300
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kae
My favorite:
It's a marshmallow world in the winter
When the snow comes to cover the ground
It's the time for play, it's a whipped cream day
I wait for it the whole year round.
Those are marshmallow clouds being friendly
In the arms of the evergreen trees
And the sun is red like a pumpkin head
It's shining so your nose wont freeze.
The world is your snowball, see how it grows
Thats how it goes whenever it snows
The world is your snowball just for a song
Get out and roll it along
It's a yum-yummy world made for sweethearts
Take a walk with your favorite girl
It's a sugar date, what if spring is late
In winter it's a marshmallow world.
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This song is a litle too, uh...um..."sweet" for my liking.
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11-15-2007, 01:13 AM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 7,617
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamor
HAHAHAHA!!!
Where did you get this? Did you write it? It's great!
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No girl...I'm not that talented... 
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