Okay, this might be slightly off topic, but in noticing the rise of the divorce rate in church, I've wondered WHY this is happening. (Okay, besides the devil working overtime and stuff like that.)
I remember being a teenager in the church and feeling tremendous pressure to hurry up and get married. It was everywhere....youth rallys, camps, Youth Congress, etc. It was like you were supposed to "snatch a man" the minute you got your diploma (IF you bothered graduating). But my "secular" friends weren't going through this. Do we Apostolics put pressure on our kids to forego an education and career to pursue marriage and children? I remember turning 20 and feeling like such the old maid. As a matter of fact, I was pretty much the only one in my youth group who went on to college. But I had parents who constantly reminded me to get an education, a career, travel, and find out who I was before settling down.
A psychologist once said, "A person is going to go through every stage of life at some point...be it at the time they should or at another time". He said these kids who marry young never got to experience being a teenager, so they end up in their 30's wanting out of the marriage to go have fun.
So, basically, in my ramblings I guess I'm wondering how many of our church divorces are stemming from immaturity.
What do you all think? Am I totally off base?
I don't think at all.
I don't think marraige something to be rushed into. I'm wit Rhoni...if a guy is putting pressure on me, then he ain't worthy of me.
I tell my daughter all the time; get an education pursue a career, have fun. Don't rush into a relationship/marriage.
I am going thru this phase now where I want to do things I have never done before. Someone invited me to go to Africa with them and I was game.
But b/c I couldn't find anyone to watch the kids, I had to opt for next time.
Missions trip.
I am undergoing a career change and my outlook on life is different. I don't let others define who I am and what I like. Or what I do.
I was so insecure as a young woman. I like being middle aged. I am more confident, know what I want (and don't want!)
So a guy can't step to me like he did 20 yrs ago.
I would encourage any young person to develop yourself. Accomplish goals and pursue dreams. Live and enjoy single life to the fullest.
Because you'll never have this opportunity to do these things again.
Love is eternal. We mistakenly believe that there is only one person for us and once that person is gone, there goes our opportunity to be loved.
I say NO!
There are many whom we can make a decision to love and be compatible or have 'chemistry' with. That has been my experience.
Love will always present an opportunity to crop up into your life as a rose in bloom. It pops up in seasons.
Sometimes it is with one person forever. This is where you hear of the folks married for 65 years. My hats off to them!
Sometimes love pops us with different folks. Different seasons.
Let's face it, folks. In this imperfect world we live in, marriages fail. It is horrendous and it hurts.
But I be a canine in a catfield if I let one failure keep me from trying at love again!
LOVE IS ETERNAL!
I believe in love.
To the young folks, it is wisest though to get yourself together first before seeking marriage.
Love will always be there waiting for you, boo. Get some money in the bank. Get your career going. Get some investments going. Get involved in ministry.
Because if you don't, all those things-or the lack of them, can cause a GREAT strain on marital relations.
Stressing about money, running from the call of God, not sure what to do when you retire...these are some things that can cause great strain on marriages
Empower and enable yourselves to be the best marriage partner you can be, in the best time.
When there is money in the bank, there is more time to focus on love. Kids can go to best schools, you can live in decent neighborhoods, pay the bills take vacations, etc....
When you are fulfilled in a career or ministry, you won't expect your marriage partner to fulfill all of you. Reserve that portion of who you are and place it into a part of your life that is just YOU.
I am speaking from experience.
Love ya
__________________
Going up in the Spirit Realm....
I have three children. I went thru the thing of feeling guilty for them. I had always wanted to shelter my kids from the hurts of this world. I wanted them to be in a perfect little home, with a perfect mom and dad, in a perfect church and school....
And then reality struck...
It hurt. Because I didn't want my kids to go thru what I did.
Then I realized that I was not at all that bad of a person, in spite of all I had been thru and witnessed.
Did it hurt? Heck yeah!
It is what has contributed to the anointing on my life.
At some point after I forgave myself for not being perfect and trying to present a perfect world before my babies, I decided I would use these many opportunities seemingly 'failure' on my part to show my children the power and wonder of the grace of God.
The grace of God that would take care of a single mom with three kids who went from pillar to post, then lost it all in Katrina, found love and lost it again and now yet again in a state of recovery....
And I can tell you and assure you. My kids are learning EARLY some very important life lessons.
Have they been hurt? Yes. Disappointed? Yes. Confused? You bet.
But in the midst of it all, they have seen God move on our behalf, too! They have witnessed God move in ways that He probably wouldn't have if I hadn't been thru divorce.....twice from their father....and now again from William...
I and the kids harbor no ill will towards them. We realize folks are imperfect. They mean well, but they are mere flesh.
They are learning to let God be their daddy. Their DADDY, excuse me!
With no husband/father, we are living in a great home, all our needs met, Christmas with all the trimmings and peace.....
Who is responsible for that?
Not man, God!
Now, I won't buck if, or when, someone else comes along. I am for love and am ready.
God risked His love and life for me. Who am I to not risk it?
I am learning it is good when our kids see us go through. Because when we go out on the other side, they will know better than anyone else pointing their hairy little finger that GOD HAS BEEN WITH US!!!!
Ya Heard???
Love Sis Wenona
__________________
Going up in the Spirit Realm....
Okay, this might be slightly off topic, but in noticing the rise of the divorce rate in church, I've wondered WHY this is happening. (Okay, besides the devil working overtime and stuff like that.)
I remember being a teenager in the church and feeling tremendous pressure to hurry up and get married. It was everywhere....youth rallys, camps, Youth Congress, etc. It was like you were supposed to "snatch a man" the minute you got your diploma (IF you bothered graduating). But my "secular" friends weren't going through this. Do we Apostolics put pressure on our kids to forego an education and career to pursue marriage and children? I remember turning 20 and feeling like such the old maid. As a matter of fact, I was pretty much the only one in my youth group who went on to college. But I had parents who constantly reminded me to get an education, a career, travel, and find out who I was before settling down.
A psychologist once said, "A person is going to go through every stage of life at some point...be it at the time they should or at another time". He said these kids who marry young never got to experience being a teenager, so they end up in their 30's wanting out of the marriage to go have fun.
So, basically, in my ramblings I guess I'm wondering how many of our church divorces are stemming from immaturity.
What do you all think? Am I totally off base?
Not off base at all - I've been with others that have discussed this very thing. Also, the choices for our mates were slim because they had to be UPC, so how many married because they were truly in love or just because it was the right thing to do with whoever was in their church.
I know several marriages that are struggling now because of this very reason. It's like they married a good friend because they both were in church and they were 20.
Also, how much pre-marital counseling is offered to these couples to let them know what kind of things they'd be facing in marriage, so these folks learned as they fought their way through the first few years of marriage.
__________________
Master of Science in Applied Disgruntled Religious Theorist Wrangling
PhD in Petulant Tantrum Quelling
Dean of the School of Hard Knocks
There are so many different things that affect marriages today. And what may destroy one marriage may have no effect on another marriage at all.
For instance... I was young when I married and I didn't know my husband long beforehand... our backgrounds were so different... he came from a broken home, I from a whole one... he came from abuse, I never knew anything but love and care. So needless to say, with the big hour of counselling we recieved by the pastor that married us... we had issues right from the start of our "I do"s.
I know another couple who did the same, knew each other a short time.. married quick and in all honesty they haven't had any serious troubles at all over the years. So everyone and every marriage is different.
But one thing is true... there just isn't enough counsel, there isn't enough preparation, there isn't enough support once married.
If you take the tendency for Apostolic young people to marry young, couple it with the lack of support and counsel in most of our churches, add the fact that we are bombarded by the immoral and humanistic ideals every day at work, school, and in the media... it's a sure fire recipe for marital breakdown.
I've said it in a previous post.. but I'll just state it again for the record... There are circumstances. Abuses etc... That warrant the abused party to leave...
But what I'm seeing (at least in my area and in my life's travels and experiences) is the ideals of the world (ie you're not happy, you'd be happier single or happier with someone else) creeping into the mainstream church world. This is always scary to me. Does anyone else understand what I'm trying to say? I'm not very good at wording things sometimes... so I read and re-read my posts... I can't seem to completely express what I'm saying and I always fear offending someone who's been through a divorce.
I guess what I'm saying is... take the music industry for example.. the Christian music industry. We have two of the Martin's family... Amy Grant... Sandy Patti (Sandi Patty... never could remember how she spells it)
It just seems like it's more and more accepted to end your marriage and start a new one. And sometimes there is no abuse involved... sometimes it's just rocky... you don't get along "irreconcilable differences"
So where do we, as a church, say... wait... we've got to stop this. We've got to heal these marriages... we've got to not take "divorce" for an answer?
At the extreme risk of someone thinking I'm saying they didn't put enough effort into saving their marriage I am saying this. I'm actually really nervous about hitting the submit reply button.. I don't want ANYONE to feel like I'm inferring they didn't do enough to save their marriages.
I think the "church" is letting down it's saints in this department... and having gone through some things myself I'm wondering where the answers lie.
And I'm wondering how many marriages have to fall apart for our minsters to realize we really need more marital support in this day and age.
This is long... forgive me. The topic of marriage and God's plan and healing of marriages is close to my heart.
__________________ Mrs. LPW
Psalm 19:14
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.
Hide this Thread from Epley,Old Path, Bishop and Kansas Preacher!!
Not sure if I'm the Bishop Thad is referring to........I hope not. Divorce is an ugly (no matter how amicable) and extremely hurtful thing for everyone concerned. The children, the couple, all of the extended family, the church, the pastor and the list goes on and on. Many, IMO, Apostolic pastors have very little understanding on how to counsel marriages/families when things are going relatively well, let alone when things go bad. And may I add that often times the advice they do give is wrong.
I may get stoned for my next statements, however, IMO, it is not the will of God for anyone to remain in a relationship where abuse (whether physical, emotional, spiritual, or sexual) is happening without proper intervention and actions being taken. This does not mean that every case should end in divorce; if the right counsel was given and the right things done many divorces could be avoided. However, the same God who defines love, is the same God who hates abuse! In fact if you study out the root definition of the word, you will find that abuse is one of the facets of fornication, and the last time I checked, the Word lists fornication as one of the grounds for divorce.
The healing and future spiritual/relational success of those effected by divorce will greatly depend on the support system in which they are able to find themselves. As I have read through this thread, I realize how much some of you are hurting, and you may not even recognize it yourself, because you have had to pick up the pieces and keep on going just to survive. I am moved by your hurt and I will be praying for you.
Please know that you are important, and that you have great worth. You may carry some wounds, that still hurt when they are touched or prodded, but you are not damaged goods. Damaged goods are reduced in value and discounted, or discarded, but God does not see you that way, and neither will his true children. Quit believing what your ex said you were never going to be, or what they proclaimed you would always be. God has spoken good things about you, and to you that are yet to come. You serve a God who is able to make your latter days to be greater than your your darkest past.
His word burns in my heart like a fire...Fire Fall Down
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,853
For you, O God, tested us;
you refined us like silver.
You brought us into prison
and laid burdens on our backs.
You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance.
(Psalm 66:10-12)
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